Interesting story. A room full of exercising people that are meditating. They take no notice of the writer, then the writer realizes there is no sound of anything. As writers we stand the same way, often, in a story. Watching the story unfold in our minds. It held my attention very well. I see no technical issue and the content is definitely something to cause thought. Is this how we go through life? Observing only and feeling like someone else's imagination? Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing.
A beautiful poem. Solid rhyming aabb makes this very easy to read. The structure is inviting to follow it down to the end. The content was impressive, I could feel the desire and the love. It's hard to say I love you to one that is already gone but this come pretty close. It tugs at the heart and begs for us to read and understand between the line. It could have been many years or just few hours, love lost like that is tough on any soul. Good job with this. I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing.
Beautiful storytelling free verse. Easy to read and follow. Good picture drawn. The breaks seemed right and flowed nicely. I enjoyed reading this. The content was very interesting. What is ours, deep in our minds, are things we only used to progress then put away. This is the feeling I got from the whole poem. The tools in the shed were used at times we needed them. The excitement is still there as a sense of accomplishment. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading this. Remember all this simply one persons opinion. Keep on writing.
A beautiful inspirational free verse. You give it all to Him and the return is always so much more. Good job using the abstract faith,hope, etc. The bits and pieces He asks of us to make a whole blessing from Him. Once we realize this, this becomes so different to look at and live. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece with us. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Keep writing.
A beautiful villanelle form! It flows very well and easy to read. Father time and sands of time. It just keeps going. Nice structure and you nailed the form! We need to pay more attention to things as time passes. We may not get the chance to see them again. A flower or a bee buzzing around. A bird hopping on a limb. These things pass by us so quickly we need to take the time to enjoy them now. Good job, this kept my interest. I enjoy reading it. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!
Awesome story! Loved the ending. It wasn't so technical to lose me and was spaced enough to pull me through it. I noticed one typo, clime should be climb. But it didn't take away from the story and the skill that you used presenting it. The picture you painted was very clear and quite interesting. In reading it I found no technical issues and it all seemed to flow easily. I loved "What in Gods name told you to land a 737 on Route 80 at rush hour." I can see a plane flying over the top of the car that low. Would definitely clear the interstate without blowing a horn. Good job. Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing.
Love this poem, I can feel the 'wonder lust' building up. That's what Mom would call it when we get to wanting to travel and explore. Home was not enough when that would set in. Good poem, flows nicely and easy to read. Could picture standing on a mountain and looking around. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing. HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"
This is a nice little free verse poem. I feel like you are looking into my mind. Everything bouncing around it seems without rhyme or reason. Than bring it from abstract thought to physical feeling is good move. The reader can relate both ways very easily. The cage being mental or physical speaks of someone holding the writer back. But the hope is still there. Looks as if the cure is both mental and physical in this. Good job with it. It held my attention well and caused me to think beyond the words. Thank you for sharing this. Keep on writing.
A beautiful poem of Christ. His words. Since we now have columns I would put the top beautiful picture beside the words(adjust size) and the YouTube link below. The poem itself is beautiful, how often we have felt that sweet touch and hear that tender voice. Makes me feel sorry for the unbelievers, not able to experience this. Good job. Held my attention very well and what I mentioned before was only a suggestion. Its a beautiful piece as it is. Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing.
A nice free verse poem, of love and closeness. It's a good free verse, and very clear wording. The breaks are in good places and brings it to a good form. Very clear content of love for someone, the desire of close to physically feel that love. I would suggest making this rhyme a bit, it may bring out a lilt as it's said aloud. Only a suggestion, I think its a wonderful piece just as it is. I think put upon a card with roses would make this a wonderful poem for a love. Good job. Thank you for sharing! Keep writing.
What a thoroughly enjoyable story! It held my attention very well. Was very easy to follow even with some of the names used. The picture you painted with this story was very detailed. A review barely does it justice. We all go through life like that. Get used to almost everything, and you seek something a little different. The story touches true human characteristics very well, and doesn't try to expand them. Just take them as we really are. Thank you for sharing such an interesting piece. Keep on writing!
Hey Sis,
Good job! You got this done and in on time. You did better than me. I never even got started, though I'll probably write one later anyway. Good plans, always plan. And you have bounced by very well from the ulcers. However, you have a lot of stressful things going on. This will cause Mr. Ulcer to rear hid ugly head again. I love all your projects and the meaning behind them. Definately a mountain of things that needs to be addressed. When you move a mountain though, remember is one rock at a time. I am so glad to see you coming on as often as you can. I understand life isn't really as easy as some folks make it out to be. Hang in there Sis, I think ya done good.
yer bro
Hello Tim, I found this through the Anniversary tag.
I love this. Rhyming straight through the poem. Was very
easy to follow and had a good 'beat' to it. The structure
could have been pulled together a bit tighter but that
is just a visual opinion. The content is absolutely great.
Seeing things through the teddy bears eye was funny.
It was certainly fun to read and I hope it was as much
fun to write. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.
Hello Saxe. I found your folder under the Anniversary tag. And thought I would find something to read.
I love this story, reading between the lines I can see exactly the feeling there. Family man, ending a vacation, about to reenter reality and wanting to hold those feelings.
The story flowed nicely, would be a good part in a bigger story. I an see a lot of talent in this. I do have a suggestion or two, just an opinion. I would cut back on the open spaces, bring a bit more together. I would also add some ambiance; smell of the ocean, feel of the salt spray, coolness of the breeze. As it stands its a good little vignette and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing.
Hello Saxe. I found your folder under the Anniversary tag. And thought I would find something to read.
I love this story, reading between the lines I can see exactly the feeling there. Family man, ending a vacation, about to reenter reality and wanting to hold those feelings.
The story flowed nicely, would be a good part in a bigger story. I an see a lot of talent in this. I do have a suggestion or two, just an opinion. I would cut back on the open spaces, bring a bit more together. I would also add some ambiance; smell of the ocean, feel of the salt spray, coolness of the breeze. As it stands its a good little vignette and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing.
I love this little story. A climber is saved...if but for a moment by his wore out underwear. The build up, make the reader worry, then false sense of security with the ratted underwear. Then the final words. I could hear it as he start to fall. So funny! Good build, picture words used nicely, all brought together for the head turn climax. I laughed hard at that. Maybe he should have listened to wife. Good job with this, held my attention very well and made a good 'left turn' at the end. Thank you for sharing. Keep on writing.
Hi Fauna J.G. , I found your port through the Anniversary Link.
I enjoy this sweet story. I understand 300 word limit can be hard sometimes, but you did very well. My first thoughts were that this was a children's story. Its has a very clear purpose and does a bit of teaching at the same time. Technically, the grammar, doesn't have any errors. Only thing I would change is try to make some of the words smaller. Images this story paints are excellent, gives a good feeling the old dog seems to change and take things in stride rather than be grumpy about all the time. Good job. Keep on writing.
Thank you for sharing. HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"
Hello Manzoni, I found this as I went through the Anniversary List. The title caught me and covers this perfectly. It brought back memories of my first 'puddle jump' flight from CRW to Pittsburg. Rainy, windy, and we had to walk out to the plane carrying our luggage. You described the feeling very well.
What I don't like is it's all a block of words. Makes it a little hard to read and follow. I would suggest making this a free verse poem. But just putting some paragraphs in it will help. Its a great story with a very vivid picture painted. I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing.
Working on first tasks now. The whole idea is great! We get lazy and
don't move around the site or we just don't know the site that well. This activity will go a long way! Reviews of longer pieces as a paycheck would be nice one to add. Sneaking into other notebook to invite them to participate is great idea with a personal touch. I give this a 5 star rating. I think those that see high ratings will gravitate to it.
A neat poem that paints a beautiful picture of a walk under a bridge. The cool air under the bridge and the feeling of it being May. Of course, the sewer smells it there. I have walked under many bridges, and this brought back some memories. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.
A nice free verse poem, of what they will know about the writer from their bones. A lot of things can be known by examining bones. I love the ending, pretty much said there was no life without bones being able to show it. Good job. Found this interesting, thank you for sharing. Keep writing.
A nice poem about change. We get comfortable with where we are, then subject our selves to a change. Not long afterwards we are right back in our comfortable feelings.
I enjoyed the journey. It causes a reader to think about change. Thank you for sharing.
A beautiful love poem with alternate rhyming. Distance is a matter here. I love the poem, the anticipation of seeing one another again. Good job, I could feel the emotion through this. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.
Neat story on a battle between a Pegasus and unicorn. I enjoyed reading this. Good story, good premise. Has a built in message. Just a couple items, 'mountain side' should be one word. And one on one is usually hyphenated. Very small issues, good story as it is. I love unicorns so I was rooting for it. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.
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