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Review by mpv81 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)
There is some promise here.

The good: It is obvious that you are trying to create an image, and are trying to steer clear of using the same words repeatedly. (Although your descriptions of colors are borderline redundant- everything reddish or brownish or yellowish something.) It's not a bad intro.

The bad: Some of it is overwritten. Too many adjectives, to much description. I would also avoid using dialog tags on every piece, such as "...as he said." or "Asked Lector..." or "he asked.". If you create good dialog, good voice with the characters there are times you can simply put the dialog there and the reader will recognize automatically who is speaking.

Anyway keep writing. Improvement lies in practice.

If you are really interested in publishing and writing novels I'd recommend (I think this is the title- I can't remember if it's 84 or 74)"84 reasons your book won't get published and 14 reasons that it just might." It's informative and realistic and will definitely help you in your goal of getting published.
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