Dave Ronnert's (mediocrates78) Reviews

Dave Ronnert

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4 Public Reviews Given

4 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4720478

Review of Arnalda, the Angry Unicorn

Review by Dave Ronnert

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)

Personal impressions.

Not a bad read. It's not my usual genre but it kept my interest to the end.

A couple of the longer words felt a little out of place with the writing style and pulled me out a bit. Most of it is written in a fairly casual everyday language then you use a word like luminescence rather than glow or stay apparatus position rather than slept while standing. They just felt a little out of place.

I was really given the feeling that she was more dissatisfied rather than actually unhappy. If that's how the magic worked, transporting truly unhappy unicorns back to their home world, there are lots of magics in stories which are tear-activated. It's a trope, but it does often work in stories. Just a thought.

I'm not a big fan of Ayrton's behaviour. Give her a second to adjust. He makes a move on her the instant she materializes? Maybe have that interaction at the end of the conversation and then it could work... or at least feel less creepy.

But that's just my opinion.

Otherwise, not too bad from the prompt.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4719861

Review of The Bob

Review by Dave Ronnert

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)

Initial reaction: That was an enjoyable read.

The beginning needs to be tightened up a bit. Everything before the line "But I digress. Allow me to explain." felt repetitious. You could probably pare it down to one or two paragraphs.

Honestly, I'm not too sure if it was meant as a comedy or a farse but the alien characters felt like idiots. If it's a farse or comedy, that's fine, anything more serious you might consider rewriting them especially if they're a General and High Lord. It would work for me a lot better if they were a lowly worker and his supervisor, then a mistake like this would be a lot more believable.

The dialogue was fun and the core concept is extremely interesting. I think this could be the start of something fun, like a comedy series reminiscent of Hitchhikers Guide.