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Review by Marx Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Very interesting story. I quite enjoyed the read, however there are a few fraises that made the flow choppy. Fraises like "moth-to-flame alluring." Try instead something along the lines of "alluring like a moth to the flame". You had excellent use of vocabulary in this piece as well at times I has to think what some words actually ment. My favorite line in this would have to be "we all make our own bed, old boy". It's a strong line used in the whole piece. At first I thought it was referring to a death bed, but at the end I say it more as a bed of acceptance and quality of ones life. Aside from the few flow problems you did a great job. Keep on writing, Old Boy.
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