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Review by Macxb Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.0)
An enchanting tale! I think that developing this story into a full length novel would result in a real work of art!

While I understand that this is a (very) short story I feel that the description of each scene has been left to a bare minimum.

Also the dialogue is halting, a little less formal would make it flow more smoothly.
A tip that i was given a few years ago, "We don't speak the same way as we talk." It served me well, although I occasionally catch myself falling into over-formality!

Develop this piece further, I'd like to read the extended version!

The three star rating is because I'd like to see the changes and read it again.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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