I came across this piece whilst browsing your profile. I really like the way that the line breaks pace out the story to build tension and mystery. The descriptions are vivid and the narrative voice is solid and consistent.
I like that it isn't explicitly said what the paper contained, it is left to the reader to fill in the details.
Wow. This is amazing, it really had my heart racing. I have absolutely no criticism at all. It was perfectly paced, the introduction did its job and moved onto tense, thrill and action in good time. The figure of the killer is genuinely terrifying, very creative, very creepy. Loved the line "It was too wet to play" and the little rhyme "“In this house on this dark night…
Two little mice gave quite a fright…”
I found this piece whilst looking for short stories to read. Really good. I loved the way that you captured the dialect of 'old lady speak' and I particularly liked the change in volume of the hearing aid. Gave me a little chuckle. The mystery was well done. It seemed like a simple mystery until the little twist at the end.
Great little story, good idea, well written and well executed, in my opinon. Thanks for sharing.
I came across this piece when exploring your profile, after you had been kind enough to leave a review on mine.
This genuinely gripped me and kept me reading until the end. Extremely well done, loved this. It felt like information was revealed at just the right pace. There was a gradual realisation of what the protagonist was going to do at the end. Wonderfully written.
un: 
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Community Feed
Puzzle Hub
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
