I think that I have been in that restroom only they moved it to another state! Very evocative. I had a perfect mental picture going of the restrooms and the woods! What a relief to be a boy or to have sons! You have combined a good travel log with a timely warning!
Lin
I don't really want to DISCOURAGE someone who has the courage to write and post. I find that aspect of rating and reviewing very hard. So I read it even if it is painful because they are deserving of that consideration. Then I try to find positive things to comment about. I believe that if they have posted they have the desire to write. I don't suppose we do many favors for people we find difficult to read, if we aren't honest. I guess I also feel that you can only take so many critical comments before you do discourage someone. Lin
This was really good. We live in the country but we also have the fear of suburbia taking over as so many farmers are packing it in and selling their land to developers. Then what will all the wildlife do? This was thoughtful and I felt like we were just sitting and chating! Lin
This is a wonderful concept. I think it has real potential. You could have the continuing story of anthony and his hands. Kids would love it. You do need to go back on the story, line for line,for punctuation and grammer. Your dialogue is very good. You have a good sense of humor!
lin
I loved the line "I was in love with a poet once..."
I think this is good with real potential but you need to go back on it line for line and correct spelling and grammer.
Keep writing!
Lin
This was a beautiful story. It was full of undercurrents. The story of the old men interwoven with the plight of the young was well done. The dialogue informative. I learned something as well about a country I realise I know little about. It also reminded me of the war between the states. I had a southern father and a yankee mother and that war is often still going on. This was a good read.
Lin
Very evocative. I had a nice clear mental picture going. Aren't paths wonderful? I find that when when I stumble on a special place, that someone I loved would have enjoyed, I also feel that they are with me.
Lin
You should be running a clas in writing! This was great! Have had a few similar realtionships. Am also living in a "foreign" country where they aren't all anti-American but have hit a few walls! Well done!
Lin
I am STILL laughing! I have been there, done that, and have SEVERAL shirts! I am in complete agreeement! I moved to Australia - the land of the HUNTSMAN (See Tarantula in dictionary) and I almost called off my wedding because I did NOT think I could live where the hairy ones do. But that is another story! Well done!
Lin
I think this was good. I'm new and still learning and you are already aware of whee your biggest weakness is. I think that you were doing a good job of developing the charecters though. I will have to let some of the very talented people give yo the advice you really need! Keep writing as you are definitely in the right place to learn!
Lin
This was good! I loved the concept! The only thing I would look at again is in paragraph 2:
"...in order for two things" is not flowing.
Maybe "...for two reasons"
Keep up the good work!
Lin
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