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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review of Soul For Sale  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


*Flower5* What an alliterative, tongue-twisting, thought provoking title. I immediately liked it.

*Flower5* I liked the use of coloured font to distinguish the different angels. I knew little about e-bay so the constant refreshing of the leaderboard and posting was informative, but I felt it 'ate' up too many words and did not allow us to get enough of your facile and inventive descriptions.

*Flower5* The concept was interesting and kudos to the one who dreamt up that prompt.

*Flower5* Even the auctions here on WDC get interesting with fierce struggling at the end. The tense atmosphere was well created.

*Flower5* I am so glad the good guy won. But only one thing foxes me, who receives the money? The repository of the soul? At 96 years there's precious little he's going to be able to do with it before his soul has to go to the successful bidder!

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
502
502
Review of Therapy  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


*Flower5* I'm not sure this is exactly what I expected when I read about this. What exactly is second person narrative? I was led to believe the story is written from the reader's viewpoint, as though one was the observer. What should the tense used be then? Present tense? I'm a little confused, because I am not a language student, so bear with me.

*Flower5* Then the spacing and formating...It might be 'cleaner' to give a one line spacing between paragraphs. Either indent all lines or none, indenting just the conversation made it visually exhausting.

*Flower5* There's a lot of detail in the reading back of the notes. I'm not sure analysts bother to do this in such detail, or their sessions would be more reading than talking. Too much happens in a short span of attention, for want of a better way to express what I mean. You are giving us, no flooding us, with more information than we can assimilate.

*Flower5* Now we come to the good part; you have the nucleus of a gripping tale here. I'd suggest you develop the characters a little more and make this a longer story.

*Flower5* Good ideas, and the foundation is well-laid, the ending had an excellent parthian shot, but could easily serve as jumping point if you decide to take this any further. I hope to come across this in a new 'avatar' but it it still has a lot of things working in its favour even now.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
503
503
Rated: E | (3.5)

*Flower5* If you said this was a draft for a story, it would sit well with that need. As a short story it falls woefully by the wayside.

*Flower5* The 55 word story is an extreme example of a short story, but even it asks for a beginning, middle and end. A conflict and a resolution. You have most of that but it did not 'flow' well.

*Flower5* The first part was good, except for the mistake in the first sentence where you have 'bug' bully for what I think must be 'big' bully.

*Flower5* If the poor apple-pie guy was never seen again, does that means he quit school? He must have been weaker than Jimmy financially and socially(and Jimmy is not shown as well-off either way) to have been bullied, so how did he get to be a banker after that?

What business was Jimmy in? Why did he not continue his career of extortion and intimidation to acquire what he wanted? He must have known banks ask for financial records and history? How was he going to pay for that loan? Why did he disappear just because he could not get a housing loan?

*Flower5* The theme is not unusual, it is the presentation that can make it outstanding. You have a good outline and beginning, just a little touching up and this could be a gem. This is 186 words so that gives you a lot of play if you want to make it under 300 or under 500 words as flash fiction.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
504
504
Review of Horseback Riding  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



*Flower5* First of all welcome and congratulations. I notice you are two days old, as is the item and you have six ratings at an average four and a half stars! Good going.

*Flower5* You are extremely WDC-savvy, setting the rating, access restrictions, genre, item type, impeccabaly. It took me ages to be able to navigate the path to saving an item appropriately.

*Flower5* Loved the heart-beat thumping through the poem. Now if only you could find a way to show the increasing rate of the heart's beating, in response to the escalation of activity. I would suggest more spaces between the 'thumps' but purists would argue that an ellipsis of three, and only three periods, be used. The use of longer vowel sounds is best attempted with the 'e' or 'o', it is not so effective with 'u'. One could also change the words, it being 'thump-thump' at first, then 'lub-dhub' and end with 'da-dub'; but spoils the effect of refrain. So, your version works best.

*Flower5* I have ridden a horse only in my childhood, and someone led the pony while I sat astride. But I can easily visualise what you mean, your words are simple and clear. I would have welcomed the use of imagery tough.

*Flower5* Once again; welcome, and here's hoping each day gets better than the one before.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
505
505
Review of Free Fallin'  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

*Flower5* This account of skydiving say what most of us feel with practised ease and inventive description. The description really had me clapping at points, like:
"I was distracted by the sounds of our little twin otter screaming in pain as it tore itself from the ground like a Band-Aid off of a hairy arm"

*Flower5* I liked some of the narration for its unique style, sort of self-deprecating:
"Flushed with anticipation, and sitting underneath hundreds of dramatic skydiving photos and various adrenaline-pumping slogans, you guessed it: I fell asleep."

*Flower5* The writing was of a high standard, so these little mistakes jumped out at me:
"and knew it was a reputable place (there motto: "Hardly Anyone Dies!")" Ummm...first it should be 'their motto:' and I would prefer a separate sentence instead of the bracket, brackets are actually distracting. But it is your call, all the way.

"So, anyway, I walked through the hanger" I think it is 'hangar'?

"Dave introduced me to Donovan, the guy I would be jumping tandem with." I think the absolutely correct construction would be - 'Dave introduced me to Donovan, the guy with whom I would be jumping tandem.'; but this is how people speak. My practice is to retain this flaw in speech but correct it in narration.

*Flower5* Normally I do not like numerals used for numbers, but firstly this was non-fiction; and secondly the very pace of those numbers as climbing or falling altimeter readings negated the use of lengthy notations like 'six thousand' for 6000. So, it worked fine, here.

""Ready?" Well, if your asking" I do this all the time; and Spell-check is not going to help here. Going over the piece again and again will. As will requesting some one else to bring a fresh eye to the item. It is 'you're' as in you are, not 'your'.

*Flower5* I enjoyed the ride, because I felt I did the jump along with you the descriptions taking me there in their vivid detail. Bravo.

*Flower5* I would never have expected to enjoy something so far out my experience. I find it difficult to visualise snow and autumnal colours when writers from temperate climes use those settings. But you made it easy with your inventive language that had me in 'free fall' through this delightful piece.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
506
506
Review of In Pieces  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)



*Flower5* This is an awesome piece. I quite agree with you, it is a creative non-fiction.

*Flower5* The similies and metaphors used are unusual and vivid. I liked the style of writing too, which was of effortless description of mood and moment.

*Flower5* Some description that created the picture in front of my eyes:
"The poison ivy has swelled a red wake across my eyelids; my face is puffed up like risen dough. "
"One studies the can of peas as if the label prophesizes the coming of the Lord; "

*Flower5* I liked the likening of Life's insiduous clutches to that of the poison ivy.

*Flower5* The only mistake I found was this:
"It’s decorated for a Christmas that’s not for another sixth months" Is it not 'six'?

*Flower5* I also liked that you mention that you have won, until now anyway. Here's hoping you will always prevail and that the ivy of life loosens its hold upon you. But believe me, these are the fun moments. Afterwards, in serene retirement and old age, life is dull.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
507
507
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Flower5* This is one poem where I liked the title very much. It is almost worthy of slogan status. Bravo.

*Flower5* I believe those words attributed to Marie Antoinettte were actually never said by her. The internet backs me up on this one. To use the quote, might then take something away from this poem.

*Flower5* I was a bit confused reading this poem, do you advocate faith and belief in God or not? Should one not accept ups and downs, but strive to equalise things? What are you trying to imply in these lines:
"For life’s ups and downs, we are sure to receive
The pity of those who believe God is the answer"

And in these:
"Send nothing to God, but for the Almighty’s sake,
There’s always a chance that life will get colder"

*Flower5* The title went well with the first part, I just could not understand the second part. Maybe that is more lack of understanding on my part, than any failure to elucidate on yours.

*Flower5* I had parts I liked , my fave rave being "For nothing’s as sure as the changing of seasons"

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
508
508
Review of Longing  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

*Flower3* The Title:I liked the title, it is terse, but explains and promises at the same time.

*Flower3* Rhyming: Impeccable aabb rhyming pattern.

*Flower3* Meter:There is no metrical pattern here but an inherent cadence exists in the reading of this aloud. Most lines are in tetrameter, maybe you can ,make this conform without much effort expended, if you want to.
For example:
"I love the man - my heart a place
*chck3*void and vast, black holes and space,
yet through my chambers, bursts of light
guide his trembling, tentative night"

It needs only the addition of a 'that's at*Check3*, before 'void and vast' in the second line to be uniform tetrameter for the whole verse. The meaning does not change either.

*Flower3* Grammar: Absolutely 'spot on'. I could find nothing that would need changing. I like your use of enjambment in this piece.

*Flower3* Poetry Form: I did not recognise a specific form , but if you change it to tetrameter it becomes one of the easiest and attractive forms, four line stanzas or quatrains, in tetrameter, with aabb rhyming.

*Flower3* Poem as a whole: Beautiful, I loved the meaning I took from this poem. I liked the way the poem seemed to be in two complementing halves. The descriptions were excellent. I especially commend: "with voice as intricate as lace -
a kiss of satin, soft embrace"

*Flower3* Remarks: You get a *Thumbsup**Check2* of approval from me.
Jyo
509
509
Rated: E | (4.0)



*Flower5* This is a bit of free verse that appealed to me. It is definitely in the appropriate collection coming across as sweetly romantic.

*Flower5* The atmosphere remains fresh and clean and so like the bouquet you mention in the poem. Then one line seems incongruous, it talks about 'making out'. Is that part of spoken English and am I arhcaic in considering it a slang term? It just did not seem to fit into the general 'feel' of the poem.

*Flower5* Again the words, 'your parents' are used twice, is it an intentional refrain? It does not occur again. Since there is no rhyme or meter constraint, perhaps some other phrase, like 'your folks' or whatever else you deem appropriate may be used?

*Flower5* The little ending 'verse' capped the poem perfectly.

*Flower5* I'm a sucker for neat rhymes and rhythmic lines, but this little poem did much to rid my mind of prejudice.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
510
510
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)


*Flower5* This is one of the lighter chapters and I thoroughly enjoyed the camaraderie and developing romances depicted here. You even add a little spanner in the works as far as one of the relationships is concerned, and that was an unexpected twist. Keep surprising the reader like this and you generate continued interest.

*Flower5* Your description of Leblanc, as nothing unusual makes me wonder about the number of tall, well shaped, and attractive women there are in the forces? Obsidian to me was not the most attractive description for black eyes, recalling snake's eyes to my mind, but whatever works for Bryce.

*Flower5* Just celebrating at a pizza joint with beer and Bryce gets so drunk he does uncharacteristic things? Y'know that one can never be forced to do what one does want to do, even under deep hypnosis? This was the only thing that did not 'jell' with me.

*Flower5* "“Funny how their spin on things always makes us sound like the sociopath," she joked" I think it should be 'sound like sociopaths'.

*Flower5* Good work, I'm beginning to like the developing intricacies.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
511
511
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)



*Flower5* You have the action neatly labeled by the location, something I liked. Maybe you could 'time-stamp' the events as well, giving it a chronological sequence too?

*Flower5* The inconsistent line spacing between paragraphs persists. I think the use of abbreviations in writing is better avoided, but if done it should be exact.
"You couldn’t afford me in this dump and I wouldn’t want to hurt ya Jr, " IT should be Jr.

*Flower5* There's some confusion as to who is saying what in the following sentence with lopsided quotes usage.“This other one I’ve seen around. She goes by the name of “Sugar Bare, as in B...A...R...E, get it right.” She would say. I don’t know her given name. The last I heard, she was working over at “T&A” on Atlantic as a part-time dancer part-time waitress. She has a bad habit and works the street to get her fix.”

*Flower5* I also liked the mutual attraction unfolding between Gina and Stern. The way they simultaneously thought about each other's attractive features was neatly done.

*Flower5* So far, so good.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
512
512
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)


*Flower5* I like the fact that the other chapters are given as bitem links in each part. But they would be most helpful after one finishes the read, rather than before. But perhaps you feel that if one has not already read the preceding chapters one goes there first? Works both ways.

*Flower5* I really like some of the descriptions used. Let me highlight one such sentence.
"It could carry so many different tones but always it felt like the devil's fingertips dancing down his spine"

*Flower5* The line spacing between paragraphs is not consistent, especially wwhen you have a one line dialogue preceding the paragraph.

*Flower5* This going back and forth between simultaneous events from entirely different viewpoints can be effective but equally it can be distracting. Your call on how far you intend to manipulate the see-saw.

*Flower5* Maybe you need to have a second look at the rating it teeters pretty much on the dividing line between this and a higher rating. Since the prologue is already rated higher, there's no harm in playing safe and giving this a higher content rating.

*Flower5* The relationship between the characters is a bit confusing, Taylor and David's to the Shadow-Man (as I have termed him in my mind), and to each other, that is. But, of course one is still willing to allow further chapters to provide the illumination. It is still an interesting chapter.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
513
513
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)



*Flower5* I still do not get the relevance of the title to the story, but that is not altogether a bad thing, it serves to deepen my interest.

*Flower5* "The frigid blast of air condition and the eerie silence raised the short hairs at the back of his neck, " Correct me if I am out of place but would not 'air-conditioning' or 'air-conditioner' be more appropriate?

*Flower5* I have to appreciate the detailed descriptions in this one, you give each character a face and personality here. The interaction between the characters was also deftly portrayed.

*Flower5* The story moves forward with a jerk at the rapid developments, I liked it and found the chapter over before I knew it.

*Flower5* This chapter ends on a complete note, the action resolving and coming to a halt, allowing us to take a breath before plunging into the next. I like the fact that this distinction was made, the prologue leaving us hanging, but the first chapter coming to a natural conclusion. I like the way this is shaping.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


** Image ID #1372928 Unavailable **
514
514
Rated: E | (5.0)



*Flower5* Breathes there a man who would not read this and remembering, smile? Beats there a heart who would read this and and not leap within the breast? Sees there an eye that would read this and not well up with tears? Nay, say I.

*Flower5* A wonderful tribute to your mother, and my mother and my children's mother and all the mothers that have ever cradled their children in their arms.

*Flower5* You move effortlessly from the sublime to the ridiculous and just sum up what life really is. A combination of moment that heighten each other in contrast; little highlights, a yeast of events that leaven the bread of life.

*Flower5* I choked right up at the little footnote, it spoke to both the daughter and the mother within me. You say it so well that I have to quote:
"If I ever forget a mom like you,
May the angels in heaven forget me too"

*Flower5* I am so sorry for your loss, but she was blessed to have you honour her with this wonderful tribute. You are blessed to have someone in you life wonderful enough to inspire this piece.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
515
515
Review of Heed the Slighted  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*Flower5* I thought this was a tale with a chilling message.

*Flower5* I sympathised with poor Sam; office, and indeed any 'coterie' humour, can be needlessly cruel. The subtle 'bullying' done by those who join in because they are afraid they will otherwise become the butt is depicted well here.

*Flower5* The paranoia of the ridiculed is also described well. The constant scheming at how to 'get back' becomes a focus.

*Flower5* Just one thing eluded me, why did Sam choose to perish with his tormentors. Is it because there is no escape from ridicule for him?

*Flower5* Superb little miniature. I admire those who say a lot in just a few words. Bravo, the character, the problem, the resolution all in 300 words.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
516
516
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* Why is the Title not in title case? (I think that means with the first letter of every word beginning with a capital letter.) Also to be balanced, I feel the form should be 'Your Voice Or Your Eyes' or 'Voice Or Eyes'.

*Flower5* I roamed your port to find the piece that most captured my heart, and this was it. So let me say what I should have said first , I liked this one. Some of the others might have been technically superior, but this is the one that 'spoke' to me.

*Flower5* I liked it all, I just can't quote a favourite line. The first stanza had a heart-stopping-breath-taking kind of love in it. Kudos.

*Flower5* Each stanza had a different note to hit and the whole made a very pleasant tune. Just one tiny request - could you cut out the ampersand in the first line of the second stanza and substitute 'and' in its place?

*Flower5* And in the last stanza I feel 'you shall adhere' to be more apt than 'you shall be adhered'. Since there is no syllable constraint, these changes can be made, if you so desire. I just mention these because that is all that kept it from achieving the status of superlative in my eyes. An excellent read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
517
517
Rated: E | (4.5)



*Flower5* I liked the title, which evokes a visually appealing image.

*Flower5* I understand the emotions evoked and empathised with the feelings, all the lines being a about the hope and anticipation that surges through one upon seeing this miracle of transformation of colourless light into myriad different hues. Only the second last line seemed out of place, I understand you mean that you're geared up to face any adversity, but I felt you shouldn't even be thinking of that right then. Earlier in the poem yes, but not at the end. However the last line becomes hopeful again, so perhaps that resolves that doubt.

*Flower5* There are some excellent, almost musical lines, with attractive images. The images seem to reinforce the joy felt.

*Flower5* The rhyming scheme is perfectly followed, and since you had to end with that line, a rhyme for 'room' was a must; but 'gloom' rhymes equally well, without being as intimidating as 'doom' in this joyous poem.

*Flower5* I love to see poems with meter, mainly because I'm not very skilled at it myself, and impeccable syllable count always gives me a sense of awe at the poet's dexterity. But I guess the lack of it does not take much away from this little beauty.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
518
518
Review of Mind Dance  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Flower5* Interesting, any new format is fodder for the mind. Yours is fun too.

*Flower5* I loved the inherent rhythm created by the internal rhyming, three, three, two.

*Flower5* I almost forgot to absorb the message in the reading of this, I was appreciating the flow of words so much.

*Flower5* Each verse has its own theme and yet the themes tie together well. Some of the images evoked are vivid and the use of enjambment heightens their effect.

*Flower5*
I especially liked the lines :
"I schemed, then dreamed, in rainbow-honeyed hues it seemed.
In fun, in sun, the day meandered and indeed did run
in an interesting way."

*Flower5* Kudos on creating this unique format.


Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
519
519
Review of Christian  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* I liked the vein of premise that runs through this piece. I like the contrasting images and then he sameness of forms. An unsusual format, obviously not suited to rhyme or meter.

*Flower5* There is profound meaning to be gleaned from this piece and yet it can be taken at a superficial level to for the sheer pleasure of its cadence and mirror images.

*Flower5* This piece is full of imagery and evocative and meaningful lines. These lines appealed most to me for having it all.
"I am neither the snow storm blinding white
Nor the fire raging through the forest
Rather I am a single ember dancing on a cold winter sky"

*Flower5* Do you feel separating this into sets of lines dealing with one 'thought' might be more effective? Since the lines are all 'complete', the free flowing nature of free verse is not there, so perhaps arrangements into stanzas, albeit unequal, might be one way of dealing with it.

*Flower5* An enjoyable read that has given me a glow of warmth and satisfaction.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


** Image ID #1372928 Unavailable **
520
520
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* Hey, the title just pulled me into this one. Good going. It's not one of those delicate poetic title, but the subject matter is interesting enough to do the job.

*Flower5* I liked the format, rhyming couplets. There is no meter, but since this not a particular format, that does not matter.

*Flower5* I liked the way each couplet 'stand alone' and yet the whole ties together. The rhyming is impeccable.

*Flower5* You keep the instructions to the 'recipe' form inventively, there were many instructions which had me smiling and others that had me nodding. It has been accomplished neatly, without offense.

*Flower5* So glad there is a ribbon for this recipe. I liked this line the best :
"Remove inhibitions, proceed with haste.
For the best results, season to taste." But the last lines were an excellent 'cap'.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


** Image ID #1372928 Unavailable **
521
521
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, mainly because I knew the story behind it. If you like you could post the bitem link to this poem in your other item, so others can also enjoy going from one to the other.

*Flower5* Please, please, do not use all caps for the title. Title case is having each word with a capital first letter. Use 'bold' format for emphasis, italics for separating memory from reality, or for a difference in moods, use two colours to distinguish parts in any other way, but no 'shouting' all caps.

*Flower5* This is free verse and it gives great freedom in arrangement of lines, you have done well. I'm not sure the one line space between lines worked for me, I think you could retain it between stanzas, but keep lines following each other without a space.

*Flower5* I think my favourite lines were "I saw it coming down like an overripe cantaloupe,

staining the sky with sticky, succulent golden juices."

*Flower5* Good work. I shall drop by again.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* I was enticed into your port by an item featured in the latest newsletter. My, there are so many delctable treats spread out for us. But the decoration on this one prompted my clicking it open, and I'm so glad I did. For we know a little bit about you too, now.

*Flower5* Touching and heartfelt. I think the spirit of the horse was captured well. I like the lines "I'd like to swish the flys away
Without a tail that hurts!" But should it not be 'flies'?

*Flower5* Again the all caps, but only in the intro and title. Not necessary at all; unless you are used to typing with 'Caps Lock' on, and forget to undo that?

*Flower5* I can sympathise with the desire of our domestic animals to be free, no matter how well they are looked after in the long run. I'm sure my dog longs for the days when he used to run free, happily wallowing in garbage bins and rubbish heaps, gamboling with other strays. But he would not be happy without us either, I'm sure. Some of the lines are eloquent, the horse wanting to longer have to be pristine white, to be able to ramble and scratch his back against a tree, but still politely promising to give his hoof or nod a reply.

*Flower5* In the main the rhyming is perfect but I wondered if 'cheer' and 'pair' were a good rhyme choice.

*Flower5* Deserving of the pretty ribbon, for covering an unusual topic so well.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of AMONG FRIENDS  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008This is review 5 of 5


*Flower5* Ah, what a sweet note to end the journey. I think this is a feast for the eye, ear and heart. The usual appealing images, the three little angels I have already admired once. The Three Sisters?

*Flower5* The words are pleasing and and flow together well, but I think a little tweaking might enhance the natural rhythm. There is an inherent cadence most of the way.
For e.g.
"It’s give and take that strengthen the pact,
to make it flourish and grow, that’s a fact."
I'd cut out the "to make" in the second line, and write, "let it" instead. Nine syllable each and adds to the rhythm without changing the meaning.
"It’s a nourishing kind of thing,
and with it real happiness does it bring."
I'd cut out the "with it" altogether, it is superfluous. Now both lines are eight syllables. Just suggestions.

*Flower5* I love the line "There is no yours, there is no mine.". I think the bit about being able to do away with pretension and lies touches the soul of friendship.

*Flower5* Friendship does nourish, I like each of the metaphors you have chosen to use. each fits the definition of that elusive and precious thing - friendship.

*Flower5* Sure,you will always be amongst your friends, there are a legion of them here!

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of APRIL  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008 This is review 4 of 5


*Flower5* I'm coming to expect these great visuals every time. What a colourful portfolio. To have the butterflies arrayed on a delicate curved stem and have the flower buzzing and fluttering about them is a stroke of genius. I have my hat off in a salute of admiration!

*Flower5* Simple rhyme scheme, perfectly done. You had me smiling when I came across the incongruous pair of relaxes and taxes. But both are befitting for April, so (*shrug*) its perfectly OK.

*Flower5* Nice little ditty about the various aspects of the month from the expected showers and flowers to all the other paraphernalia that April brings along.

*Flower5* Some nice images conjured up there, scampering squirrels, children rushing out to play until light fails, the world turning 'green' again, etc.

*Flower5* Appealing, now one knows why you like April. My only little niggling unfulfilled expectation was in the way the lines wavered so in length. But is is otherwise picture perfect.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of NOTHING TO FEAR  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* The item is a work of art. I notice this in the many signatures you use too. The images are all visually arresting in their beauty, they are always apt, and the quotations are superb.

*Flower5* The three little angels busy with music, flowers and the natural world around, floating naturally on the fluffy cloud, ah, it makes one blessed. It is sure to reinforce faith for many, as it did for me. I do not believe in Heaven or Hell, or even a tangible God, but I do believe in "goodness" and a higher presence and that is what was reinforced. The message is capable of being interpreted in a much larger sense.

*Flower5* This is 'free verse', and has no structure or form, the words tumbling straight from the heart. Your inner goodness is revealed.

*Flower5* I agree with the line 'In God's hands there is nothing to fear', but I chose to understand that it meant that in this life - as long as we are content to go where we are taken, in goodness, trusting and uncomplaining, we have nothing to fear. A poem is so often what the reader makes of it, I found comfort and faith here.

*Flower5* This was a joy to read. I myself would have given the line breaks a little differently to create a different 'flow' or rhythm, but your style also works, it speaks naturally.

For example you have
"There is no need to fear if you believe
in our Almighty Father and his undying love.
There is no need to seek absolution from anyone save him,
no need to plead your cause for forgiveness,
for in God there is nothing to fear."

I would have made it

"There is no need
to fear
if you believe
in our Almighty Father
and his undying love.

There is no need
to seek
absolution from anyone
save him,

no need to plead
your cause
for forgiveness,
for in God
there is nothing to fear."

I just mention it to show how the same thing would be presented differently by another person; not to suggest a change.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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