Happy Spring 's (janicew) Reviews

Happy Spring

Review Requests: OFF

388 Public Reviews Given

490 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3986614

Review of A Teddy Bear It Would Be

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

Hello Marcia. I dropped by to give you a review of "A Teddy Bear It Would Be"

The Hook/Opening Paragraph:
Your title (loved it) and your first paragraph hooked me. I, as well as you, love teddy bears.

Structure:
Your story flowed and was written smoothly from beginning t end.

Grammar/Spelling:
No problems in this area.

Setting:
Your memories as a child with your favorite security blanket, etc. It kept you safe and secure. Your scene shifts to when you became pregnant and while shopping, you discovered this teddy bear. It became your mascot, because even at twenty years old, you still needed that security. You had reached a difficult time in your life.

Characters:
Very good descriptions of your memories and "why" you picked the teddy bear as your mascot was priceless. It must have been that soft fur and eyes that adored
you?

Ending/Climax:
I love your ending when you talk about your son who so lovingly takes care of you today.

What I liked Best/My favorite line(s):
"I felt the same safe, happy, secure feeling holding a teddy bear that I did when I held my blanket close to me as a child." You needed that security and the teddy bear gave it to you.

Overall Impression: Your story peaks from beginning to end. You tell it with strength and love, as your reader learns about your life today. You give your assurance that your teddy will always be your mascot.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Janice

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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#3959281

Review of Discontinue use if...

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)

Hi Duane! I dropped by to give you a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Gosh, this was a fun read!

The Hook/Opening Paragraph:

It pulled me in with your funny dialog from the beginning.

Structure:
Is it written smoothly and it flows swiftly. Your protagonist, "Doc" tries to help his patient, Casey Lastrange. Hysterical name by the way! That was a good one!
I can identify with Casey as the patient. He is so upset and figures the doctor can and will fix him.

Grammar/Spelling:
Everything here is all good. On little typo: "at three o'clock" not a three o'clock.

Setting:
Both of your characters are in their bathroom, communicating by telephone. This makes your story even funnier.

Characters:
Good strong characters. You show their personalities threw their dialog. You can visualize with your don't show/don't tell. Good writing here!

Dialog:
Your dialog moves your story forward and shows the mood of "Doc" and Casey. I can "feel" how angry they both are.
.
Ending/Climax:
What I liked Best/My favorite line(s):
“Doc, my face is blue. Not any kind of light gray blue, but bright blue. I look like some kind of freakin smurf." lol

Overall Impression: Your story was funny, fast-paced, right down to the ending. Good Job!

I love dialog and humor. Your story was the best and thank you for the laughs!

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3

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#3957770

Review of The Silly Piece of Paper

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)

Hi Norky,
My name is Jan and I stopped by to give you a review.

The Hook/Opening Paragraph:
The beginning told me what your story was about, from a piece of paper's point of view.
Great idea, great title and very original!

Grammar/Spelling/sentence structure:
Sentence structure needs to be rewritten. You need to space out between your paragraphs.
In other words, don't write with no spacing. It makes it difficult to read.
After a period(.)There should always be a space between two sentences.

Setting:
One piece of paper with 499 others, which of course makes a ream.

How a piece of paper is first used and how he travels, right down to the recyclable bin...Good Job!

Characters:
Silly Paper was your protagonist. He was Strong in character and he wanted to be silly and silly he was.

Ending/Climax:
You never deterred from your theme/story. I liked your surprise ending. This tied in your whole story. Kudos!!

What I liked Best/My favorite line(s):

"I had the best surprise ever when I woke up.I was a Saturday Comic."

Overall Impression: A silly story about "The Silly Piece of paper."
Your story moves forward from beginning to end. It just needs a little TLC in your sentence structure. Kudos for an original!

Ps. Don't be shy and Fill out your bio so we can get to know you better.

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4

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#3793727

Review of Flowers and Ash

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi,Kilpik!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a Happy 2nd Anniversary on WDC. I'm here to help wanted you celebrate with a review.

First of all, I enjoyed reading your story and the title was fitting.

Over-all Impression:
A deeply emotional experience for a family that loses a loving grandmother.

What I liked the best about your story:
The emotion that you write with every part of the story, from beginning to end.

My Favorite Lines!

"The three of us chuckle along with our Dr. Phil limo driver. None of us find it funny, but we think it will make him feel more comfortable if we appear to enjoy his anecdote. The fact that none of us drink alcohol only increases the very un-funny nature of this poor man’s story."

Your Tone and Mood:
A very sad story and I can hear it in your voice. A loss of a loved one is a sad experience, especially because this grandmother was loved by everyone.

Characters:
The main character, Beth, is the narrator. She is young and trying to come to
grips with her loss and her parents. She is out of her comfort zone.

Plot:
The funeral and the ride to the cemetery, finishing with spreading the grandmother's ashes. Beth is perplexed and begins to see her parents in a different light. Through this emotional experience, she begins to "connect" to
her family. You have good rising and falling action, right down to the climax.

Setting and descriptions:
Well done! You are a fantastic writer and your imagery is top drawer!

Dialog:
Great dialog that explains the family's loss and the feelings of Beth and her
parents. It moves your story along and "Your show, don't tell" way of writing
is well done and professional.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
I see nothing here that needs correcting. Written in the pesent tense and first person, I felt I was a member of the family. Your sentence structure especially, is well done and you do have a way with words. I think you shine!

The Picky Part:
I can't pick on anything, because your story is that well-written.

I have no suggestions to make this a better story and this is why I gave you a 5.0.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
You are a wonderful writer and I'll be back to read more!

I came away with a peaceful feeling for Beth and her family. A nice happy ending. Thanks for sharing your story!

Inker
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I am a proud member of SAJ and a captain of the WDC's Power Reviewers.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3791088

Review of The Facebook Dilemma

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, K. Charles!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a Happy 7th Anniversary on WDC. I wanted to help you celebrate with review.

I liked your story and the title, which grabbed my attention.

Over-all Impression:
A story that could have definitely happen with the social networks these days. Finding a sibling or family member can
be found easily, but maybe with regret.

What I liked the best about your story:
Your memory served you well regarding your half-sister at age three.

My Favorite Paragraph.

Your second paragraph is moving and you ponder all the "ifs" and wonder if it would be good to find her. It isn't just your feelings that you are concerned with.

Your Tone and Mood:
Apprehensive and indecisive on what route to take. You had other members in your family to consider.

What didn't work for me:
Nothing and I felt you told your story honestly.

Characters:
You are the sibling who searches for answers but still you are undecided on how you will handle your find.

Plot:
You are holding all the cards and it is up to you whether you contact your half-sister or not.

Setting and descriptions:
All good and great imagery.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
I see no problems here.

I have no suggestions to make this story better. I think you did a fine job here.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
Very believable and it could only happen as it did, finding her on a social network.

I came away with questions. Will she or won't she? Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoy it. You've been away far too long and need to come back and share your talents because you are a gifted writer. See you soon!

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

6

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14 days may be credited.

#3791073

Review of Through the Clouds of Debris

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, Annie!

My name is Jan and I want to wish you a Happy 7th Anniversary on WDC. I wanted to help you celebrate with a review.

I liked your story and your title, which I thought was perfect.

Over-all Impression:
I liked the way you told your story, starting with the chores of getting breakfast and getting the family off to school and work amid the morning chaos.

What I liked the best about your story:
It was told from a wife and mother's point of view. How everything is normally chaotic, but then, life deals you a whammy that couldn't have been foreseen.

Your Tone and Mood:
The mood was frantic and the over-all tone was that things were continually
happening. As soon as one thing was realized, something else happened.

Characters:
You are the main character, giving blow by blow descriptions of th events on 911. You take us inside a normal household and you share your experiences through the eyes of a wife and mother.

Plot:
Starting with your morning routine, you watch the morning events unfold and know that what ever you thought was chaotic in your household, nothing could compare to these events. Nothing but confusion takes hold. As your story winds
down toward the end, your life and family take on a whole new perspective.

Setting and descriptions:
All good and your imagery was great.

Dialog, if any:
All good and it was used to clarify and move your story forward.
Your story flowed from beginning to end.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good and saw no problems here.

The Picky Part:
I CALLED THE SCHOOL! After about twenty minutes of busy signal, I finally got through." No need to use caps here as it emphasizes shouting. I feel your wording was just fine.

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
Everyone has a story to tell at this time. I think you did a wonderful job in telling yours.

I came away with a thankful feeling. No matter how our routine is with our families, nothing can compare with such a horrible event that affects our families and co-workers. It teaches us that there is nothing more important than being with our loved ones and knowing they are safe. Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

7

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14 days may be credited.

#3787134

Review of Everything In Life Happens For A Reason

for entry "Chapter 1-Marcia"

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)

Hi, Marcia!

This is Jan and I liked your Chapter 1 and wanted to drop by and give you a belated review. I have been out ill for a few months, but I haven't forgotten you!

Over-all Impression:
Heart-warming, to say the least.

What I liked the best about your story:
Your optimistic voice, no matter what life has dealt you.

Your Tone and Mood:
Your tone is sad but you remain uplifting in the true story that you tell.

What didn't work for me:
You still need to work on your tenses, even though you are writing in the first person.

Characters:
Other than you, Leigh(your sister) is your second important character here.
You show her as a loving, helpful sister with lots of imagination.

Plot:
Leigh works secretly to build a Barbie Doll House so that you can play while you are in your hospital bed.

Setting and descriptions:
Your very good with setting and description and the reader can visualize everything.

Dialog, if any:
All good, but remember if you start with a quote (dialog sentence(s))you need to "close" the end of your sentences with a quote.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.

I nod my head, yes, excitedly!, wondering how we are were going to play with me in a hospital bed. No exclamation mark is needed after excitedly. I rearranged the sentence so it reads better. Remember this is just a suggestion.

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none.

My Personal Thoughts Here:

I think that the most important advice I can give you is even though you are writing in the first person, you need to watch your tenses. You are telling the story, but because it has already happened, you seem to be telling it in the present tense but not always. I'm not sure which way you want to write this.
Are you trying to write it as if it is happening now? I hope I am making sense here?

Here is an url that may help you with this: http://www.grammarbank.com/verb-tenses.html

I came away with a good feeling ...Thanks for sharing your story! It certainly is an up-lifting story!

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

8

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14 days may be credited.

#3774656

Review of Bubbles

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)

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Hello Sisco!!

I'm a captain of WDC Power Reviewers and dropped by to help fullfill your Nuclear Package, gifted by EmileeeeEEEEEK!

I'm not a poet, but I do read them. Your poem was definitely a fun read! My mind has been on bubbles lately, since it is part of my lung therapy for COPD.

Now everytime a blow a bubble, I'll think of you!

As the narrator of your poem you describe bubbles, every which way but loose.

POV, Imagery and Dramatic Element:
It was all there, showing how we humans look at bubbles and experience them in different ways.

Meter,Rhyme and Pattern
This was Freestyle poetry. Each stanza is a quatrain and you followed the AABB rhyme scheme

Your poem flowed and I loved the simplicity of it. I felt like a child reading it.

Thoughts on Your Poem:

Thank you for such a fun poem! Now where's my jar of bubbles?

Inker
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed."{/left}

9

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14 days may be credited.

#3774465

Review of The Room in Goose Creek Farmhouse

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)

WDC Power Reviewers

Hi, Christina!

My name is Jan and I saw your story on WDC's Power Reviewer List.

I thought your story was great because it was your dialog that made it!.

Over-all Impression:
Fast moving from start to finish!

Your Tone and Mood:
Your tone was Rami answering to Adar's questions with a light, matter-of-fact feel.

What didn't work for me:
The ending because I'm not so sure there was a ghost.

Characters:
Rami and Adar, two friends that check out old houses to see if they're haunted.

Plot:
Rami stays up all night in an old farm house to catch anything at all to see if
there are ghosts.

Setting and descriptions:
Great setting...I can visualize all of the sounds and sights!

Dialog, if any:
All good and you succeeded in the dialog contest. Excellent story telling through your dialog!

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
Perfect and I saw no errors!

The Picky Part:
The ending of course. Did I just not understand it? I don't read too many stories on the dark side, but hey, It's Halloween soon, right?

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. I have only one suggestion: I feel that the ending could me cleared up some for dummies like me.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
Cute and fast moving!

I came away with a smile. Thanks for sharing your story.

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy and a Past Student of Horizon Academy!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

10

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14 days may be credited.

#3772237

Review of Fighting Myself

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" !

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!

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Hi,LadyGypsy!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a Happy Anniversary on WDC and to help fullfill your shower on SAJ Garden.{{/c}e:smile}

I liked your story and the title, which pulled me in.

Over-all Impression:
A cute story about three childhood playmates.

What I liked the best about your story:
The active conversation between your three characters, help move your story forward.
You showed good spacing between your lines: Introduction, dialog and climax. This made it an easy read.

My Favorite Lines were at the end! Your climax is excellent and you tied your story together well.

Your Tone and Mood:
Your tone and mood suggest seriousness between school friends, especially on the part of your main character, Sarah.

What didn't work for me:
I think your introduction set the theme of your story well, but some of your sentences are too long. I go into more detail further down.

Characters:
Sarah, your main character, is quite the tom boy. She is always breaking up fights with her two friends, Steve and Billy.
I would like to see more description of Sarah. What does she look like or does Billy have a red face as he screams?

Plot:
Sarah tells her friends that she cannot play with them anymore and is going into the hospital for an operation on her brain!

Setting and descriptions:
Your story starts with a knockdown fight between her two friends that causes her to step in and break them up.

Dialog, if any:
Dialog is good, although I feel you need to step it up with some action. Here is an example:

“Oh it ain’t nothing, we were just playing.” Came the answer from Steve." Try this: "Oh, it ain't nothing. We were just playing," replied Steve, brushing himself off. This shows some action while he answers Sarah, putting the image in the reader's mind.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, tenses, etc.
You need to shorten some sentences and be more careful of your punctuation. Example:
"You remember that don’t you, she heard her mom tell someone on the phone that cause her aunt is a free spirit that doesn’t settle down in one place to long." Correction:
"You remember that don’t you? Sarah heard her mom tell someone on the phone that caused her aunt to become a free spirit that can't settle down in one place too long.

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
An absolute cute story between middle school friends and now that the contest is over, you can go polish it up. It will make even a better read!

I came away laughing. Ah, how children can misunderstand and come away with a whole different meaning!Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it. Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer for SAJ and the Power Reviews.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

11

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#3726964

Review of On Earth's Where We Stand

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY 2nd WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!"Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi dr.ET. My name is Jan and I dropped by on your 2nd WDC Anniversary to do a review of your poem "On Earth's Where We Stand".

Because I haven't begun to do poems, I do read them. I can only give
you my personal thoughts.

You, the poet, show your love of nature.
I hear it in your voice.

Best lines:
Out of the eight Stanzas, I fine the fifth drives your theme home.

Imagery and dramatic element:
Very nice and well done.

Meter, rhyme, and pattern:
I feel your poem has nice flow, rhyme and pattern throughout.
It is easy to read and understand.

Grammar and Punctuation:
I didn't find anything wrong here.

Your Poem Theme:
We should respect our earth and work with nature to keep it safe and beautiful.

My Thoughts:

A beautiful and well-written piece about the relationship of Man vs Earth.

In Closing:

Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem with me. I wish I understood more with poetry, but I feel this tugs at the core of man's soul.
Keep the ink flowing and write, write some more!

"Inker"

I am a proud Reviewer for Showering Acts of Joy and a captain of WDC's Power Reviewers.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

12

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14 days may be credited.

#3722362

Review of Irrational Rationality

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, aralls!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a Happy 4th Anniversary on WDC. I also wanted to drop by to help fulfill your shower with a review.

I laughed at your story and loved your title, which pulled me in.

Over-all Impression:
A morning of complete chaos where a teenager is "trying" to help his mom find her keys. On the other hand, his mom is trying to hold on to her sanity.

What I liked the best about your story:
The realism of this picture. Those of us who has had teenagers can appreciate this story. They are "all about me" and Reese was certainly one of them.

My Favorite Lines!

The last line. It ties your story in nicely and gives it a good climax.

Your Tone and Mood:
Too funny with the banter between the two of them. I feel the frustration on both of their parts.

What didn't work for me:
Nothing...It was all good.

Characters:
You stayed in character with both Reese and his mother. They were having a typical morning where ever a teenager lives....lol

Plot:
Mom and son, scurrying around to find car keys....lol

Setting and descriptions:
All good and I love the thoughts of Mom while experiencing all this. She goes through all the emotions of why she is this way.

Dialog, if any:
Excellent dialog and real. Your story races through from beginning to end!

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
The spelling, sentence structure and grammar are good. I see no glaring mistakes here.

I have no suggestions to make this story better!

My Personal Thoughts Here:
I liked the whole story and the understanding between both Mom and Reese.
They know each other very well.

I came away laughing...Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.

Inker

I am a proud Reviewer SAJ and WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

13

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#3720407

Review of He Called Himself Unworthy

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

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Hi Dew re mi

This is Jan and I just popped in to give you my thoughts on your poem. I'm not a poet but I did enjoy your piece.

Over-all Impression:
More like prose and a prayer to God.

What I liked the best about your poem:
The deep emotion that you show throughout this piece.

Your Tone and Mood:
pleading to God and feeling so unworthy.

Rhyme, Form & Flow:
Your piece read like prose or a long prayer. Several stanza's were very long compared to some that were shorter. This causes your piece to not flow smoothly. Perhaps establishing a line count for each stanza is my only suggestion. In other words break up the lengthy ones.

Grammar and Punctuation:
I saw no problems here.

Emotional Impact:
Very emotional and I can feel your words.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
I enjoyed reading your piece. I have one favor to ask you. Do your bio in your port. That way, your readers will get to know you a little better. Even if you write just a few lines, it's a good thing.

"Inker"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"!

14

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#3720082

Review of Good Samaritan Mother

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, Jim!

This is Jan and I want to wish you a Happy 2nd Anniversary on WDC. I also dropped by to give you a review.

I liked your story and the title, which pulled me in.

Over-all Impression:
A very nice story of a mother doing a good deed for a family she had never met.

Your Tone and Mood:
Smooth and cheerfully written. I liked the "feel" as I read it and knew it was going to be all good.

Setting and descriptions:
I visualized the restaurant well and the two tables of customers. I think you did a great job here.

Dialog, if any:
Some dialog which did help carry your story forward.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
I did not see any errors here.

Plot:
I felt you carried out your story with good rising and falling action. I was surprised at the ending but needless to say, it was a nice surprise.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
I guess you never really can judge a person by their dress or how they appear to be, huh? This mother asked for nothing in return, but only to do a good deed for the family sitting next to her. She appreciated the military and found pleasure that the young adults and children could play together.

I came away with a good feeling ...Thanks for sharing your story!

Inker

I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

15

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#3715902

Review of Technologically Challenged

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)

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Hi aralls!

My name is Jan and I stopped by to wish you a Happy 4th WDC Anniversary!! and give you a review.

Over-all Impression:
Your title was great. The whole conversation was a challenge. A funny account of a daughter trying to help her dad use his new computer. The phone? Oh, my!

My Favorite Line!
"You know who Mary is. On Channel 4. The one with the blonde hair and the jugs she ain’t afraid to give ya a peak at. But man, she has no style. Black.”
I'm shaking my head over this line. What? Oh...Okay.

Your Tone and Mood:
The whole conversation is funny and is a fun read. Your story hits home with our elderly parents using computers these days. The world has changed.

Plot:
To help your dad figure out his new computer via a phone call. I've been there and have done that with several members of my family, including my eighty-five year-old mother-in-law. It is a challenge!

Characters:
Your dad...A funny, sharp 70-year old who likes to joke with his daughter. He is a card! He doesn't give you as much credit as he does your brother. It's a "man" thing...lol

Descriptions and Imagery:
All good! I can visualize the whole conversation.

Grammar and Punctuation:
This was all good dialog. I liked your thoughts splashed throughout, to show the reader what you
were really thinking during the conversation. This made it even more hilarious.

What I liked the best:
Your dialog carried your story forward, while showing the closeness between you and your dad. The banter was excellent!.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
I gave you a 5.0 because I have no suggestions to make this better.

Thank you for making me laugh! I truly did enjoy it.

"Inker"

I am a proud member of Showering Acts of Joy.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"!

16

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#3711574

Review of Alterations

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi,Sourmainiack!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a belated Happy First Anniversary here on WDC. To help you celebrate, I want to give you a review.

I liked your story and the title, which was a good choice.

I love well-written dialog.

Over-all Impression:
A funny story of sorts and I liked the twist at the end.

What I liked the best about your story:
How certain your main character was to change himself, no matter what the consequences would be.

My Favorite Lines!

“Who is she?” This line stepped up you story quickly. It took a whole new direction.

Your Tone and Mood:
Your tone was smooth and the mood was apprehensive. I couldn't wait to find out what would happen.

Characters:
Your main character is convinced he wants to make "alterations" to win his love. You stay true to his character. He is
trusting and innocent. He is a follower, at best.

Plot:
Your character is bent on changing his gender. He doesn't thing of the ramifications, even though he has been warned.

Setting and descriptions:
None, as this was all dialog.

Dialog, if any:
There was little action in your dialog, but you had good rising and falling action, right down to the climax.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good here! Your dialog was perfectly written.

I have no suggestions to make this story better, other than showing some action in your dialog. Feel free to use it or not.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
A well-written dialog of a young man willing to do anything to get his girl. And he does...

I came away laughing, wondering how severe was his payment! I truly did enjoyed it. Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker

I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

17

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14 days may be credited.

#3710782

Review of A long sleep

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, Barnaby!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a Happy Anniversary on WDC. I wanted to drop by and give you a review to mark your special day. Forgive me for being a day late.

Your story is sad and your title is fitting.

Over-all Impression:
I like the way you climbed inside of this elderly man and showed how he was thinking, forgetting and trying to remember.

What I liked the best about your story:
You wrote this story with love and understanding. I think you showed both sides of this loving relationship.
Jenny had such love and understanding, putting her own physical pain aside. They were soul-mates.

My Favorite Lines!

"She is crying too, holding back the tears behind a red rimmed and glossy sheen." This is a touching 'show don't tell' line.

"Ever fearful of the day she will slip into a dark place in his mind too far down the meandering path to ever be recovered, she fights a surge of unreasoning anger that the shared grace of old age has been stolen before her vision of it had a chance to come true."

This words show Jenny's suffering and how she would never have the promise of the golden years
with Jeffrey. These are haunting words, Barnaby.

Your Tone and Mood:
A sad story with the tone and mood quite depressing, as it should be.

Plot:
A day in the life of two loving people, trying to make the best of each day.

Characters:
Jeffrey, the poor soul with Alzheimers, is trying to remember anything at all. His wife, Jenny, suffering along side him, emotionally tied with him to this disease.

Your Dialog:
It was good and throughout your dialog, you showed action, understanding and it carried your story forward to the very end.

Setting and descriptions:
A home setting and great imagery. You covered all the senses.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good. I did notice the spelling was different with some words, but I expected that.

I have no suggestions for your story. I feel it was perfectly written.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
You are a talented and wonderful writer!

I came away with a sad feeling ...With a horrific understanding of this terrible disease. I pray to God that this never happens to my soul-mate. If it does, God forbid, I want the love and patience that Jenny had
for Jeffrey! Your story was heart-felt and perfectly written. You are a talented writer!

Inker

I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3706375

Review of My Turn

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

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Hi, montegut!

My name is Jan and I wanted to drop by and give you a review of your beautiful Mother's Day poem, "My Turn".

I really liked it and it was a wonderful tribute to your mother.

Over-all Impression:
I liked the flow and I thought you covered just about everything regarding your life. A beautiful poem, perfect title and nicely written.

My Favorite Lines!

"A mother of love, a mother of strength, a mother always there
Waiting for the next moment that we both can share"
You say a lot in these two lines.

Your Tone and Mood:
You show your love in every line. I can feel the love here.

What didn't work for me:
I guess it is a specific pattern? Some stanzas have four and some have two. This threw me off just a little. I'm not a poet and I'm wondering why this is written this way.

Your Voice:
You, the poet, show your "Voice", It was filled with love!

Best line:

"I have waited my whole life to watch you do"
This line says so much. Now it's your turn to watch your mother grow. Her life has been on hold.

Imagery and dramatic element:
Lot of both. I think you show these two elements throughout your poem.

Meter, rhyme, and pattern:
Your meter is uneven but your rhyme is good. The pattern (As I've mentioned earlier} I am confused with this. I'm not a poet. I only read them! I'm sure you have the answer for me?

Grammar and Punctuation:
I see no problems in this area.

Your Poem Represents:
The love she gave you and watched you grow. Now it's your turn, to watch her grow....Nice!

The Senses:
Emotional and feelings throughout.

In Closing:
Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem tribute to your mother with me. I wish I understood more with poetry, but I think this touches the heart and all I see here is love and perfection.

Keep the ink flowing and write, write and write some more!

"Inker"

I am a proud Reviewer and a captain with the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3706311

Review of Memo: re Mother's Day

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

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Hi,MaryAnn!

My name is Jan and I read your letter to your children, regarding Mother's Day. I am member and captain of the Power Reviewers. I wanted to give you my thoughts.

I liked your letter written to your adult children. We mothers are never done giving advice.

Over-all Impression:
I liked the way you expressed your wishes to your children.

What I liked the best:
You kept your wishes simple, not wanting your children to spend a lot of
money. A plant, dinner, no dishes, I can appreciate your line of thought.

My Favorite Part!

The first part of your letter. God knows we've seen also tacky gifts that remind us that we are mothers! Cute somewhat, but we did appreciate all those
little drawings that they gave us when they were in kindergarten, didn't we?
They were special. I still have some of mine.

Your Tone and Mood:
Simple and to the point, not over done.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good here.

Suggestions:
None. I don't see anything wrong with your letter.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
In this day and age with our poor economy, I wish that all adult children read
your letter. A once in a while gift of chocolate strawberries are nice, but it really isn't necessary.
Just to have them close, if possible, and being remembered is the greatest gift.

I came away with a good feeling ...Thanks for sharing your letter! I would love to know how your children felt, after reading it! I truly did enjoyed it.

"Inker"

I am a proud Captain and Reviewer of WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3705405

Review of A Robot's Life

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, Nina!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a Happy Anniversary on WDC. I wanted to drop by and give you a review.

Your story was cute and your title pulled me in.

Over-all Impression:
The daily cleaning chores of a robot.

What I liked the best about your story:
You made the robot think almost human, including having a wife.

Characters:
"Ribbits", a robot. He cleans the office building daily.

Plot:
Not too much of a plot really, except that Ribbits wonders what he is getting
for his "Purchase-Day" from his wife, which means "birthday" in human terms. That was quite original and funny!

Setting and descriptions:
The office building is your setting and the utility room is his home. You give a good description of the above, but with "Ribbits" I would have liked to seen more of Ribbits' character, like is he shy or spunky? This could add a lot to his character. As of now, I see him as just as a robot and only mechanical.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
I saw no mistakes here.*thumsup*

The Picky Part:
I think you could have added more to your plot, perhaps something happening while
"Ribbit" is cleaning, etc. This would add some interest to your story. It could
make a good children's story, don't you think?

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none. I can only give you my personal thoughts, after reading your story.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
I think it is a cute story, but again, it needs more of a plot to add more interest to your story. I think it is original and you make your robot seem almost human.

Thanks for sharing your story! I did enjoy it. Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3705379

Review of Late to School

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi,Andrew!

My name is Jan and want to wish you a Happy Anniversary this month on WDC. I dropped by to give you a review.

I liked your story and the title, which pulled me in.

Over-all Impression:
Very well written of a boy who overslept, thought he'd be late for school and tried to beat the odds...lol

What I liked the best about your story:
Not answering the phone, could have saved John a lot of trouble. The twist at the end, of course, brought your story to the unforeseen climax. Who would have thought!

My Favorite Lines!

"He barely made it, just in time for a car to pass and spray him with mud and water." The car spraying him with mud, after clearing the puddle, was funny. He
couldn't win at all.

Your Tone and Mood:
I thought the tone of your story was through a typical teen's eyes.
And yes, it has happened to me, more than once!

Characters:
John, your main character, is plowing onward to get to school and not be late.
I think you stayed true to his character. He's a normal teen who just wants to sleep.

Plot:
After waking up late, John finally is ready for school and then falls back
to sleep again...lol

Setting and descriptions:
All good, especially the outside rain, etc.

Dialog, if any:
Good. You used it where it was needed to help move your story along.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good and saw no problems here.

The Picky Part:

“Just for a minute....” This should be italicized to show these were
John's thoughts. Otherwise, it can be misleading to the reader.

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none.

My Personal Thoughts Here:

I came away with a good feeling ...Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it. Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3702775

Review of SWEPT AWAY

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT 6th ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi Sherry! This is Jan and I dropped by on your 6th WDC Anniversary to do a review of your poem "Swept Away" .

Please know that I am not a poet, but I do read them. I can only give
you my personal thoughts.

You, the poet, show your romantic "Voice" and this was a lovely and romantic read!

Best line:
Your first stanza. A dramatic build-up of love that a couple is about to share. The last line of this stanza begins with their encounter of love.

Mood:
Hushed and soft, almost like a whispering breeze. Very nice.

Imagery and dramatic element:
Romance in every line of your poem...Beautiful!

Meter, rhyme, and pattern:
Each Stanza with all four lines in Rhyme . I do not know what this pattern is called. I even looked it up to find out, but to no avail. I'm sure there is a name for this pattern. Your meter was even throughout.

Grammar and Punctuation:
All good here!

Your Poem Represents:
The passion and romance is done well here.

The Senses:
You appeal to the sense of sight and touch. I can see all the beauty here in every line.

In Closing:

Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem with me. I wish I understood more with poetry, but I think this touches the heart and all I see here is perfection.

Keep the ink flowing and write, write and write some more!

"Inker"

I am a proud Reviewer and a captain of WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3702514

Review of Crux

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi,Kartesius!

My name is Jan and I want to wish you a Happy First Anniversary on WDC. I dropped by to give you a review.

I liked your story and the title, which pulled me in.

Over-all Impression:
A short intro into the death of a woman, evidently caused by your protagonist.
I feel that this was an accident and fear causes him to flee the scene.
Your opening lines drew the reader in!

What I liked the best about your story:
The birth mark on his hand opens up the mystery of your story and causes me to want to read further.

Your Tone and Mood:
This is a depressing scene and your protagonist is acting out in fear of what has happened.

Characters:
Your protagonist is filled with surprise and is running scared. Is he acting out of guilt? This does add to the mystery of your story.

Plot:
A man on the run, after a woman lays dead in his bed. I'm not sure how this woman died. Did she die by his hand or by someone else? You speak of no weapon,
only blood on himself.

Setting and descriptions:
Very vivid description of your setting. You are very good in this department!

Dialog, if any:
Only inner dialog was used and it showed how your protagonist was thinking.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
"the floor, it was saturated with blood almost instantly." The use of "was" completes your sentence. I might add that it is hard to stay away from pronouns as this is told in the third person. "Show, don't tell" helps you stay away from "he/she. All in all, I think you have done a fine job. Your spelling and grammar are fine, but I did find one word: "paralyses" The correct spelling is: paralysis .

The Picky Part:
This has nothing to do with your story, but I think you should complete your
bio. I always read a bio, before I do a review for an author. I think it helps
me to understand his/her way of writing. This is just a suggestion. Because this is a second posting in our forum, I see that you have already done your bio. Great Job!

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
I think you have written a great first draft for your intro. It holds promise for a great mystery.

Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it. Keep on writing more things just like this!

"Inker"

I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3701430

Review of Crux

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, Kartesius!

My name is Jan and I found your story in your port. I am a member and captain of the WDC Power Reviewers. I wanted to drop by and help you celebrate your first anniversary with a review.

Over-all Impression:
A short intro into the death of a woman, evidently caused by your protagonist.
I feel that this was an accident and fear causes him to flee the scene.
Your opening lines drew the reader in!

Your Tone and Mood:
This is a depressing scene and your protagonist is acting out in fear of what has happened.

What worked for me:
The birth mark on his hand opens up the mystery of your story and causes me to want to read further.

Characters:
Your protagonist is filled with surprise and is running scared. Is he acting out of guilt? This does add to the mystery of your story.

Plot:
A man on the run, after a woman lays dead in his bed. I'm not sure how this woman died. Did she die by his hand or by someone else? You speak of no weapon,
only blood on himself.

Setting and descriptions:
Very vivid description of your setting. You are very good in this department!

Dialog, if any:
Only inner dialog was used and it showed how this man was thinking.

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
"the floor, it was saturated with blood almost instantly." The use of "was" completes your sentence. I might add that it is hard to stay away from pronouns as this is told in the third person. "Show, don't tell" helps you stay away from "he/she. All in all, I think you have done a fine job. Your spelling and grammar are fine, but I did find one word: "paralyses" The correct spelling is: paralysis

The Picky Part:
This has nothing to do with your story, but I think you should complete your
bio. I always read a bio, before I do a review for an author. I think it helps
me to understand his/her way of writing. Just a suggestion.

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none, as I am only one reviewer.

My Personal Thoughts Here:
I think you have written a great intro into a story of mystery.

Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoy reading it. Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker

I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy and a Student of Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3694710

Review of If I Were President

Review by Happy Spring

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

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Hi, Maryann!

This is Jan and want to wish you a Happy Anniversary on WDC. I snooped in your port and came up with this little gem. Written in 2007? Really? You were ahead of your time. I had to give you my thoughts on this one!

I liked your satire and the title suited this perfectly.

Over-all Impression:
A comical satire, written to inspire women to dream.

What I liked the best about your story:
The humor you spread throughout your story. I smiled and laughed at the way
you portrayed our politicians. When I watch any Congressional Meeting, the black suits and glum expressions are typical. I can see them now, if you were president: All sitting there with their Hawaiian shirts and eating barbecued pig.

My Favorite Lines!

We would finally have world peace, which women have hoped for in beauty pageants for years. So funny and but so true!
"Didn’t ‘I Dream of Jeanie’ come from Baghdad? She could get her friends to take care of that problem. I could picture those guys throwing away their guns to don Hawaiian shirts and do the Macarena." Where did that come from?

Your Tone and Mood:
Enthusiastic and funny throughout.

What didn't work for me:
Repetition of Hawaiian shirts. Perhaps another pattern for their shirts....Palms trees, hula dancers or something of a different pattern? Would break it up some, don't you think? Just a suggestion..."Just sayin'" as Joy Bahr would say...lol

Plot:
To become the first woman president of the United States. Not too shabby of an idea, Maryann. After all, aren't we women Professional Engineers? We know about economy, education, medical and financial matters. Not only do we talk about it,
we actually work at it.

Your idea of luaus and barbecues to replace expensive dining is wonderful. Only a woman would know how to put on party that would please everyone and be cheaper!That Washington Crew would love it! Us wives and kids would.

Setting and descriptions:
I liked the spacing and subject matter. I think you described every aspect.
Medical, educational and financial matters...You covered it all. Hey, only a woman can do that, right?

Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
Purrrrfect... as usual.

Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive:

My Personal Thoughts Here:
You've proved your points here. You should run from President. Maybe Ron Paul would step aside and endorse you...I bet he hasn't had the extra experience of being on WDC for ten years!

I came away laughing. Thanks for sharing ! I truly did enjoyed it. Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker
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I am a proud Reviewer of the WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"