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Review of Confession  Open in new Window.
Review by Sorcha Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well I was definitely hooked! I want to know what is in that envelope...

One issue I have is with the number of "I"s, I would try to limit those for better flow and challenge. It also needs a touch more description. To me there is a bit too much narration for a first person. In parts I feel like this person is telling me what is happening fact by fact like a list. The reader should be taken WITH the main character through the story. Use more description, maybe put something in about Dean's bedhead or how the frying eggs causes her stomach to rumble and the accompanying sense of warmth and safety upon waking.

Try to incorporate a small hook in the first paragraph to keep the reader going, it is lacking interest. Maybe something about the main character feeling a sense of impending change, either good or bad since I don't know where this story is going. Like a new dawn rising, maybe link that with the morning sun? Or the end of the fanciful veil of night with the harsh light of day?

Hope this helps!
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