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Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
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Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
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AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
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NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
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1
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Petra!

I discovered this by using the Random Read and Review button *Smile*

I love what you've done here, showcasing a piece of poetry from your favorite artist and embedding the painting that inspired the poem. It makes perfect sense, introducing us to a poet who questions social standings and looks at life from a fresh and vivid perspective. Two dead peacocks, indeed. Why? A creepy painting is given a memorable backstory, as we see the poor innocent girl watching something she has no idea what purpose it serves.

I like how you've included both your own praise for the book of poetry as well as the professional review quotes. The presentation fits together and makes sense, being easy to understand and navigate in the context.

I'll make my usual suggestions for Size 4 Verdana font, which will create a more open and engaging reading experience across devices. I would also recommend centering the painting, though perhaps that's not necessary. Also, would you be interested in writing a "tribute poem," something on this page that is inspired by your favorite poetry? That would tie everything together with your own work and show us how much you've learned from the other poet.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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2
2
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, sir! Welcome to writing.com, and thank you for requesting a review *Smile*

I've been familiar with your port for a while now, although on closer examination it looks like there are one or two more "agreeable" items I missed. I guess I usually find your items on the sidebar, and usually they're the sci-fi war stories, which I read with about equal parts revulsion and fascination. You write with a mastery of the subject that feels quite realistic, albeit futuristic, and you capture the grim grotesqueness of war in a memorable way.

This particular story was a wild ride indeed. I was cautious at first, watching war machines battling, but as the character of Oluwander and his comrades became clearer underneath their armor, and the faceless, impersonal enemies were played as ruthless, taunting raiders, I settled on a side to root for and became invested in the survival and victory of the OgaLopke. The ability to quietly paint your protagonists as humans and brothers, however far advanced as warriors, is a sign of good storytelling.

This was gripping and highly visual; for me, it was like watching Star Wars (I should say I've never watched a war movie or a sci-fi movie in my life, owing to sensory sensitivities and a general distaste for the genres) and provided a final twist that was at once a relief and also an unsettling warning or question about the purpose of life. When one's mind is trained and body is modified in super specialized ways for one particular purpose, what happens when that purpose is no longer needed?

The twists were such I had no clue how it would end; you hauled your protagonist through such turmoil, I doubted he would survive, which is another indication of mastery of the art. I think my pal Jack of Diamonds Author Icon would be proud of this one. It has a completeness and a depth of theme that makes it subjectively "better" than your samples and other glimpses into sci-fi military settings that I've seen. In fact, I might suggest submitting it to a thematic magazine for publication. My mentor Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon has Tales from the CrossTimbers, which will be accepting submissions for the Spring edition at some point.

I can't think of anything substantial to critique here. As a sci-fi, futuristic war story, it's well done, with plenty to think about and no 18+ language. You might want to add a word count at the beginning or end, increase the font to Size 4 Verdana for professionalism, and even drop it off at "Twisted Tales Contest" Open in new Window. for a chance at a ribbon. Oh, perhaps a cover art of some kind would be a good touch to draw people in. A glimpse of the enemy creatures with "stalked eyes" would be a nifty hook.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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3
3
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, sir, and welcome to writing.com *Smile*

I've seen you around, and in fact I'd already read this particular story the other day. Now the Random Read and Review button has offered me a reward for reviewing it, so I'll do my best.

The first thing I thought when I saw this is you've chosen a rather unconventional naming strategy. Rather than giving each piece a coherent, captivating title, you simply call them all by their word count and respective dates, and then give us the opening sentence in the subtitle. Now, you're a good enough writer that your opening sentences are pretty good hooks, but readers don't always see these subtitles when an item is shared around here. I would highly recommend picking a title of some kind for each entry, even if it's just one word, something that sums up, piques and sounds sharp and snappy. The subtitles are fine, and you can leave the dates in the titles if they're important for organization purposes.

Also, I noticed that each piece is a standalone vignette, with no intention of ever being developed beyond an intriguing snapshot of a world weirdly different from ours in some or many ways. You have a potentially vast collection of unrelated vignettes in your port, and each one leaves us with more questions than when we began. This is interesting as a creative exercise, and useful in world building as we can see how to show shortly without data dumps, but narratively speaking we feel a bit cheated when each snapshot draws off abruptly just when the fun part begins.

Now, specifically speaking, this is a delightful sample we have here, with a presumably humanoid person interacting with a slug who somehow pilots his vessel through the mysterious void of space. We see the potential for a conflict hinted at as a crash course with an unidentified vessel is revealed, but we see no resolution, no development, and no particular end to the situation other than the main character going back to sleep. As I've said, it's a vignette, perhaps an introduction to a longer story or more likely simply an exercise in writing.

One wonders why exactly you're sharing these with us. They're well written, but they lack ultimate purpose and meaning without a proper beginning, middle and end. You've set up goals and stakes, but what are the obstacles? What's the point of reading, of getting involved with these amusing and fascinating characters, if nothing at all actually happens and nothing is gained or learned or changed?

Have fun posting; I admire your seemingly endless imagination and creativity with these! Sometimes it's more fun to write vignettes rather than to sweat out everything, including the "boring stuff," to fill out a complete story, admittedly.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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4
4
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ooh, a journal ramble! I love writing like this, all self observant and considering the building blocks of what makes good writing. I find myself constantly analyzing my handwriting, noticing when it becomes smaller, larger, more cramped, messier, tighter, etc. One might say I obsess over having just the right smoothness of pen and quality of ink to help the words flow better.

As for stream of consciousness, at first I assumed you meant you were freewrite journaling for your own personal explorations, as they tell one to do sometimes to let the thoughts spill out as they may. I see here you are rather trying to figure out the craft of writing fiction in a stream of consciousness style. I might suggest I think you have it wrong. In my Elements of Literature textbooks, we were presented with the short story The Jilting of Granny Weatherall as the prime example of stream of consciousness fiction. The author literally went inside the old lady's mind and traced every fleeting thought as it appeared, without regards to forming a coherent story, leaving us to piece together her life as she lies in bed thinking about the years that have flown by. It is first person narration taken to the extreme, where we don't even see any kind of setting (from what I can recall,) only a wild streaming flow of seemingly random disconnected thoughts deep within the narrator's mind. Kind of hard to explain without actually seeing it for oneself.

I can't say as that I've ever read Virginia Woolf, but I have read Jane Eyre, but the last time was at least... Goodness, maybe twelve, fifteen years ago? Huh... I should read it again. Maybe on Google Books or Hoopla. Your final set of test sentences about the blue eyes reminds me of the advanced internal monologue technique I've tried to master over the years: Free Indirect Discourse. My mentor Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon explained to me that, within the framework of a third person limited narrative, instead of setting off the protagonist's thoughts in italics, I should strive to weave them into the narration and allow the protagonist's voice to be a part of the story, so to speak.

I treat writing fiction quite instinctively, and it's hard for me to explain things properly when I'm not always sure I can put into words what I'm doing. I write, and I do my best to make it logical, mature, sensory, emotive, and engaging, and somehow it works pretty well. Best wishes for your writing satisfaction as you press onward! I look forward to seeing more of your work around here.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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5
5
Review of A Change Of Scene  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Bob, and welcome to writing.com!

Well, I must say you're the most creative and industrious writer here I've met in a while! How many days have you entered Writer's Cramp for now? I admire your energy and nimbleness; I usually can't squeak out a story within 24 hours unless my life depends on it *Rolling*

I discovered this by using the Random Read and Review button *Smile*

Ah, a cheerfully amusing holiday tale to get us in the spirit. I'm not usually a holiday fan,, but since arriving here I find myself writing at least one Santa story a year or so, according to whatever prompts are floating around. Kinda inevitable, I guess. You've gotten an early start.

The premise is amusing, although slightly confusing. What does IRM actually mean again? Because ERS Reference Meridian doesn't abbreviate to... And what does ERS mean? Too many abbreviations. Bringing Tinker Bell into the scene was a quick and easy and fun shortcut for convenient fairy dust, but I think an elf or two would have done just as well and been more predictable, though perhaps predictable would have been all too boring.

Also, I don't quite understand how Tinker Bell's inability to hide them would have made the meridian shift. If anything, I would assume they would avoid an area already having high traffic issues with flying reindeer (well, I guess only once a year doesn't count...)

At any rate, it was a fun read. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth dashing off a quick story for a quick prompt, day after day. When I first joined WdC, I eschewed prompts and thought I'd be working on some old projects I had. Well, turns out I love prompts. They give new life to the weird stuff already in my head and give me chances to win GPs and lovely ribbons *Delight* My favorites are the monthly ones.

Enjoy your time here! You look like you're having a lot of fun. Your energy is inspiring.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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6
6
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I know you dropped this in my notebook recently, but I've been so busy, I can't find it there anymore. Luckily, it's right here in your portfolio *Smile*

This is an amusing and exciting story with a fun premise and a solid beginning, middle and ending. May I ask if the U ending of proper names in your native language is a form of endearment or adding "cuteness," or is it an ordinary convention? I'm thinking like how we might call a Peter "Petey" or a Susan "Susie" in English.

I enjoyed this story and have several suggestions for fine-tuning it. For one thing, you don't always have to remind children of how "cute" the bears are by repeating the word (three times in your title and subtitle.) You can pause a moment in the beginning to describe their big round eyes and thick fluffy fur, along with the tiny snouts and maybe the padded paws of the little cubs. Their physical appearance is enough to be cute without overusing the word.

Second, your phrase "sweet a lullaby" is not a standard use of English. "Sweet" is a description, not an action. You can say she "crooned" or "hummed" a song for the little ones.

Third, I noticed you call them "kids," which is sort of cute but might perhaps be confusing, misleading or imprecise. I would recommend being consistent and calling them "cubs," the official biological term, throughout the story.

Fourth, I noticed the age level of your vocabulary has some inconsistencies. You use the word "calibrated," which is usually considered highly technical. You can say they climbed the tree in a "calculated," "careful" or "measured" way instead. The phrase "all hell broke loose" is also considered a bit mature for kids. You can leave out the phrase entirely and instead emphasize the audiovisual aspect of the sudden bee attack, by saying something like "swarms of angry bees poured out, buzzing deafeningly and overwhelming their natural defenses."

Another thing I noticed is that you don't specifically mention the muddy pond until the cub has to hide himself in it. This creates an inconsistency. You should foreshadow the situation by describing where the tree is situated at the beginning, so we understand where the bear cub is when the time comes. Alongside that, you may want to mention that when they crossed the river to return home (did they? I assumed they did, but it isn't directly mentioned) that would provide an opportunity to bathe the muddy cub and soothe their stings with the cool water.

I really liked this story. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it and offer you some potentially helpful thoughts.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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7
7
Review of Dalec  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings!

I discovered this by using the Random Read and Review button.

A handy thing to have around: quick character sketches to keep everyone straight as you write. I know this is for your own use... Perhaps you should make the folder private so people don't stumble in and wonder what's up with a fragmentary note of this sort. For all I know, you may have some invisible info here, using the {hide}{/hide} function. I have never yet used that option, but I see it might be useful. If this is all there is, I might suggest adding more info: what purpose does this character serve in the story? Are they just a figure, or do they play a role in moving the plot forward?

Best of luck with your fantasy project! It looks like a lot of fun *Delight*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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8
8
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, you piqued my curiosity with your honest and vulnerable discussion of your struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder. I googled it and immediately fell for a "free" test. My heart sank as I worked through it, because I'm afraid I have a tendency in that direction myself according to the questions. But they wanted me to pay to see the results, which is deeply ironic considering the people most likely to be impulsive and distressed enough to spend that money are the ones who are answering "yes" to most of those questions... Anyone who could see that their results would be negative wouldn't bother forking out any money. Most of the questions were super simplistic and skewed anyway; I mean, who likes feeling vulnerable or helpless?

So yeah, thanks for that. I think I might have some issues to work through myself... *Think*

As for you, I'm proud of you for seeking help and getting your act together in your later years. You'll ripen into maturity with the knowledge that you did what's best for your health and wellbeing, and were supported in the process. I look forward to seeing what else you have to share with us. This is a raw confession, and I can feel your frustrations with yourself and the way things worked out. I especially related to where you said the things you're learning about yourself and mental health now are things you should have learned growing up. I know that feeling; so much of common everyday interactions and relating to others are things that are still a mystery to me but I should have had them down pat when I was twelve...

Prayer and spirituality are supposed to be helpful with this, but it often feels like a mind game rather than actually reaching out to a higher power. Know that I'm sending you lots of well wishes for your mental peace and stability *Pray* *HeartT*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*
*Wingl**Heartv**Wingr*


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9
9
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I see here a creative exploration of cloud shapes, seeing them as a child does, with images and attempts to compare them to other familiar forms. The words are gently amusing but ultimately lack a deeper level than the most elementary of meanings. I would suggest drawing a metaphor of the clouds as a fleeting, shifting glimpse of life that changes and dissolves, of wispy illusions that come and go. One might even mention how the clouds hide the sun for a short while but they always evaporate, revealing the bright light of hope at last. This would make it a more memorable and mature poem, bringing the innocence of childhood into the contemplative nature of adulthood and finding unity in the opposition.

I will also recommend using {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning of your items to increase visibility and create a professional appearance across devices. And two more relevant genres are needed to ensure people can find your work when browsing. You can pick Philosophy, Environment, Nature or Children's for this one.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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10
10
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button *Smile*

I like the simple way you write, explaining how we should strive to be our best selves and consider the impacts of our actions on others. I would like to give you some helpful suggestions to be sure you can make the most of your WdC account.

First, you can combine these little samples or brief thoughts into a book, which counts as one item with many entries in it. This will optimize your portfolio space and make it easier for someone to look through your collection of thoughts and musings. People usually prefer seeing more longform content within a separate item, such as when they're browsing for something to read or using the Read and Review button.

Second, you should pick three relevant genres to set your items apart and ensure they are searchable in the WdC databases. I would recommend Philosophy, Spiritual, Educational, Inspirational, and also the Selfhelp/advice genre you have. These can be used three at a time.

Third, you don't need to repeat the item title within the item. We can still see the title when we open it up to read.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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11
11
Review of Poignant  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Sue!

I discovered this with the random Read and Review button.

Oh my, this is... Poignant. In 24 syllables, you've painted a picture of heartbreak, loss and mourning for what we're not even sure of. It's like a tiny snapshot of a movie scene. Perfectly crafted and not a single word wasted. What can I say?

Perhaps an image would be good, on the cover. A letter or a stamp, or a heart, perhaps. And also two more suitable genres for the item so people can find it when browsing. I would suggest Drama, Melodrama, or Relationship.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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12
12
Review of Gum  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings!

I found this with the random Read and Review button *Smile*

An amusing ramble about your discoveries of the secrets underneath that silver gun wrapper. Oh my, sugar alcohols? Yes, I've heard of those. From childhood, I absolutely loved reading the Nutrition Facts panels. Are you aware the labeling requirements have changed recently? Instead of listing how much Vitamin C is in the food, they have to list how much of your Daily Value the sugar takes up... I'm sure you can imagine the dirty little secrets now revealed *Rolling* A 20oz bottle of soda, for example, contains about three days worth of sugar *Shock2* of course someone had to assign a human daily value, and I guess they could have purposely assigned it low so that everything we consume appears to have a stunning amount of sugar in it... The labels also now differentiate between "added sugars" and "natural sugars."

Ok, I think I've rambled long enough! I enjoyed reading this, it was fun and informative. Can't think of any improvements to make.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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13
13
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Sonali!

This is so beautiful! Knowing a little bit of your life story, I sense that this is a deeply autobiographical narrative. You have such a bright, positive spirit. You can turn any prompt into a warm, heartfelt happy story, even when it's dealing with a sin. Envy is like a brokenness, a pain inside, a dissatisfaction with one's own life and anger that someone else has the seemingly perfect life we think we should have had.

I love how you skillfully avoided using Sonia's name until the little boy breaks through her distress with his simple recognition of her value. In that moment, Sonia realizes that her life path is her own and she has done her best, been a good, loyal friend who can be there when other women can't, and is loved and appreciated by her circle of friends. She realizes her positive influence on others and the hard work she's done for the past thirty-three years has not been wasted.

I love the little human, relatable, homey details: the peanut butter sandwiches, her thinking she might have to wash his shirt after he's done eating, the fact that she hasn't stored her second number in her contacts (I try not to do that because my phone numbers are all attached to various memberships and loyalty clubs...) It's such a perfectly realistic story, feeling like it's happened hundreds of times to people all over the world.

As for improvements... I'm a little confused about the line in italics: "'Tell them I came and no one answered, that I kept my word,' he said." When Sonia tried to "investigate," is that the excuse his friends were told to say to her? A touch more context there would clarify why this is important. Ok, you might also want to finish italicizing the TV show names, that's considered conventional use. Aside from those little things, I think a more interesting subtitle might be a good idea. Maybe something more descriptive, like "a solitary librarian wonders if she missed out on the most important thing in life..." Or something like that. A hook, you know.

Beyond that, this feels like a perfect little human interest story: engaging, sympathetic, and ultimately positive, showing us that life can be lived in different ways and one may not even realize how much their kindness and steadfastness is impacting others. A gentle reminder that others have their own struggles and there is never a reason to be envious when every life has value and meaning.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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14
14
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this by hitting the Random Read and Review button.

What an interesting and thought-provoking quote. Perhaps you should attribute it. Did you come up with it yourself, or is it from a famous person?

If you're new here, you can always add a series of further quotes into this same item, to create a longer page for people to look at and learn from while optimizing portfolio space. I hope you weren't intending to post each quote in a new item - you'll only have room for ten that way. If they're all in one, there will be room for dozens and dozens, and you can even organize them using our proprietary markup language.

To learn more about that, please click on the "Writing.com Tools" on the left sidebar, and select "WritingML Docs and Help" to find all the cool stuff you can do.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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15
15
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Tim *Smile*

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button.

First, I always admire your lofty tone and style; whether rhymed or free verse, you convey your themes well and with class. I would like to point out that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the overcoming of it, the ability to take action despite being scared. I noticed you didn't use the word "courage" at all in this piece; was that perhaps a challenge of sorts? It comes across quite well except for the point of fear vs no fear.

A phobia, psychologically speaking, is a highly specific and internalized dread of something, that causes one to build one's life around avoidance of whatever it is that one is so deathly afraid of. Therefore, it is perhaps a "pop psychology" exaggeration to say that someone has a phobia of sports. That may rather be considered laziness *Laugh* What you could bring in is the concept of fear of failure, the team pressure, the anxiety of causing one's teammates to fail and being known as the loser. Shame plays a bigger role here than fear, perhaps, unless one really is afraid of injuries on the field, which is a serious consideration as well.

Overall, this was a good, thought-provoking poem with a theme that strikes to the truth within each person and challenges us to overcome whatever's holding us back.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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16
16
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I discovered this by using the Random Read and Review button *Smile*

What a fierce and powerful poem, yet it holds within itself a vulnerability and uncertainty, a hesitancy and yet a thrill of wonderment. I feel your rush of stormy emotions swirling around like a tsunami, overwhelming everything and leaving you breathless. Ending with a hint of the warmth and infinity of love is an open ended way to imply unbridled energy of potential.

Line by line, you explore the strength of a newly realized relationship by weaving it into the metaphors of a thunderstorm,. hinting at the dangers of giving oneself over to such a powerful and unpredictable emotion.

For improvement, I noticed "my hearts secret" needs an apostrophe, as in "heart's," indicating the possessive. Also, the fourth line's ending feels unclear in its awkwardness: are you looking at the person in a "dream-like" way, as in a surrealist swirl of new feelings? Or is there an implied simile here that tapers off unfinished?

I would suggest adding {size:4}{font:Verdana} to the beginning of your text block in the entry form; that would help the eight lines take up more space on the page and appear as professional as possible. You may also want to read "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. for useful information on how to optimize your time here with us.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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17
17
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, sir,

You've given me lots of ideas for an October story. Having never watched a horror movie in my life, I have no clue what they are other than generally horrifying. Having an objective breakdown of their patterns and the way the different parts build together is fascinating. This month's What a Character is "someone who falls prey to one of the seven deadly sins," which for some reason has me stymied. I'm beginning to get some ideas from your study of horror being based on the consequences of one's sin. I'm a little confused, though: was there an inciting sin in Alien, aside from the one character being found to be fake? Perhaps it was unwise to exit the spacecraft? I have no clue what I'm talking about. I hope I'm not wasting your time.

This was clear and engaging, leading us through the various stages of the "monster in the house" style horror movie with care and thought. I really appreciated it. I like how you focus on two movies, comparing and contrasting, while bringing in others as illustrations of various concepts.

Perhaps you should use a larger font size to make it easier to read and appear more professional on the page. Also, a word count at the top might give us an idea of length and whether we have time to read it in one sitting.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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18
18
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

I found this with the Random Read and Review button. A bit of a surprise, as it's super brief and simple: a vocabulary list for a novel project from eight years ago. I hope you were able to successfully complete this one - it sounds exciting, judging by the words. A drunk driver, fetal alcohol syndrome, and PTSD makes for a great crime drama with heart wrenching family elements. You've set my mind whirling with just a handful of everyday terms *Delight*

Improvement? Well, it's a list of words... I can't suggest much except perhaps to add a postscript telling us whether you finished the story and perhaps linking to it if it's in your portfolio. Also, if you don't mind, I'll advertise my own take on drunk driving, broken families and finding peace: "Destroyed" Open in new Window. It's under 2k words and pretty emotional, depending on your worldview.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of A Ruler Of Jade  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Carly!

I discovered this fun poem by using the Random Read and Review button.

It presents a fanciful look at a Chinese god figure, maintaining the parameters of the contest and giving us a fresh perspective without poking fun at what seems so funny to have actually been believed in at some point. I like the subtle rhyme scheme that doesn't interfere with the flow.

I noticed you haven't picked three relevant genres for it. Those always help people discover items when browsing. I would suggest Cultural, History and Mythology as being quite suitable. Contest Entry is no longer relevant.

Well written, with a tone matching the subject and simple yet picturesque language. I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Journeys of Clay  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Fyn!

I discovered this cool poem by using the Random Read and Review button.

I love the quaint, contemplative way this is written, in conversational free verse that flows smoothly and communicates clearly. You describe the stone soldiers and muse upon their origins. Are they stand ins for real people, sent to guard the king from strange forces beyond? We're glad they aren't humans who were "added" to the tomb, as in some cases *Shock2*

The images of the king using these statues as chess pieces or those little plastic figures that the boys play with is ingenious. I can just see this playing out somewhere in the underworld: he wanted to bring his toys with him *Laugh*

Don't forget to add two more relevant genres to the item: I would recommend Philosophy and Arts. That way, people will find it when browsing. I'm glad I found this - it's well written and thought-provoking.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Matrimony  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings, Kay *Smile*

I found this on the Random Read and Review button.

A chilling perspective, appropriate for October, which is a women's awareness month in several ways (DV and BC.) I tend to hold fairytale views of matrimony and family in my head, but in reality I hold back from it in terror because I have never met anyone I would dream of being married to for a multitude of reasons. Therefore, I can't judge, because my life experiences and choices contradict what I think I believe in my head/heart.

You have exaggerated the language and amplified all the worst elements of marriage: ingratitude, infidelity, overwork, exhaustion, pain, childbearing, being lost in the shadow of male dominance... It's a stressful situation to be in, always trying to make someone else happy when all you ever wanted was to pursue your dreams unencumbered.

I've seen your port before, and I know you write about the struggles of an abusive, impoverished, addicted upbringing. It's brave of you to come here and share your explorations of emotion with us. Your language is clear and vivid, laying bare the anguish and mental unrest you carry while creating art which may not always have to be taken literally and biographically.

I would recommend learning about our proprietary markup language, which is explained at "Writing ML: Docs and Help" on the left sidebar under "Writing.Com Tools." The stuff you can do with it is super useful. Adding {size:4}{font:Verdana} to the beginning of your items will make a clearer and more professional presentation across devices. Also, adding all three relevant genres is best for optimizing your searchability, and will give you multiple opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award (for mor info on our annual awards, check out the portfolio of Jeff Author Icon.) I would suggest Emotional, Drama, Dark, or Family for the third genre here.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Naomi!

I saw this on the sidebar, and since I love seeing why others enjoy this site, I stopped by and discovered it was yours. I hope you're doing well... We haven't heard from you in a while *Hug1**Frown**Hug2*

This is a lovely glimpse into your real personal life and the way you found WdC. I'm so glad to know you. You're a sweet and kindly person with a beautiful family. The arrangements of you (and sometimes your daughter) at the bookstore and hubby at the movies is quaint; I prefer books and words over movies personally, but they are both great ways to learn about life and humanity. The pandemic shook up everything for everyone on the planet, didn't it? You must've felt so cloistered, unable to get out and explore your bookstores. The escape to peaceful abundance in the countryside came with the downside of no more bookstores, but armed with internet access, you discovered a treasure trove of words and those who work with them.

Yes: reading and writing: the perfect combination *Delight* the way you aspired to prioritize your time is inspiring. We should all take better care of our time in this world.

May God richly bless you now and in the future *Pray* *Cross2* *FlowerV*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Hot & Hollow  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings *Smile*

I spotted this on my sidebar yesterday afternoon, and somehow I guessed it was yours before I clicked on it. Only a couple other people around here I can do that with. You have a distinctive voice, and it comes through with a certain reliability across your fictional work. We all have our own, and I pride myself on finding it in others.

As the narrative progressed and Carrie's backstory unfolded, I couldn't help seeing something of myself in her: the unaddressed wounds, the desire for control and external validation, the utter inability to face criticism, the avoidance of vulnerability or authenticity in relationships out of fear of mockery and rejection. You have something strong here, something relatable, that needs further development. I, along with most women I know, would prefer if she were given an option for redemption, a glimpse of what she could be if only she faced her flaws and dealt with them. It doesn't have to be a transformation and a happily ever after, just a hint that maybe Marcus was able to touch her spirit before she walked out, maybe a whispered apology or a single genuine tear, or a sighting of her again a few years down the road, well-adjusted – or not.

For that matter, your current perspective is third person omniscient, telling us what's inside her heart and everyone else's without a single directed focus. I've had it drilled into me since I joined here: third person limited is best. (Thanks , Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon!) Are we focusing more on the character development of Marcus as he pulls away from toxic people, or Carrie as she starts to peel the threadbare bandages of falsehood away from herself?

When you settle on who we should be more interested in, then you can write everything from this one perspective. Marcus only sees what he can see, feels what he can feel. Show us his reactions, his feelings. Does he cringe at the sharpness of her voice when she's jealous? Does his stomach sink when he see the bills piling up? Does he lie awake at night wondering what his future looks like with her? When he finally sees through her, does it hurt? Can he forgive enough to reach out, or does he just want her gone?

I have some fragments of dialogue in my head... Maybe he says gently, "this isn't a real relationship if you don't feel like you can trust me to see you cry/see the real you." Maybe he even shows her some vulnerability of his own, some little thing that could become a turning point in the plot as we see what she does with this part of his heart. Does she weaponize it, use it against him, or does she open up, or treat him with the respect she desires for herself? Or does she leave anyway, unable to handle a man who shows his flaws and expects the same? Ok, I'm probably off the rails of where you were thinking it should go... *Think* At the very least, does he remember to pray for her when he gets to church?

This has great potential for a touching human interest story with a subtle spiritual perspective. I'm glad we were able to discuss it. Best wishes for the contest *4leaf*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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Review of Clink  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I found this on the Random Read and Review button.

What an interesting way of driving home a sense of heartbreak and despair. It sets forth an onomatopoeia, repeating the "clink" until we see both a shattered heart and the carelessness of those who shattered it. Clinking of glasses and casual laughter show us the contrast of feelings and hint at manipulation under the surface, while leaving most things unexplained. It paints a picture both haunting and brief, lingering after the last words are gone.

I might recommend using the final sound, "core," somewhere else within the poem, as it comes in suddenly and leaves us wondering where it was before. Also, adding {size:4}{font:Verdana} at the beginning goes a long way to creating a clearer, more professional presentation on the page. And I always recommend adding three relevant genres to an item to ensure people can find it when browsing. You can try Philosophy, Drama, Emotional, Personal, Experience, Dark, Relationship, Experience, Folklore, etc. Almost anything will do.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I saw this on the sidebar and thought it looked cute. It's as good as it seemed: a folksy, all-american tale of a boy and his dog. It almost feels like a country song, if country songs were decent... *Think*

I love the themes of the cycle of life and growing up and finding a mate with the help of your faithful dog. Just like Old Yeller, as long as there are puppies, there's hope. Same goes for babies. Everything here is classic, trite and predictable but in a cozy sort of way.

I might suggest taking a second look at your writing style, because it does come across as a little sloppy. I know it's supposed to feel like a front porch anecdote, but I've had the "third person limited" POV drilled into me, and your nameless narrator perspective is a bit offsetting. You could "formalize" the style by focusing in on the narrative from David's perspective, showing us an up close and personal view of his coming of age. The details are already there; they just should perhaps be reframed differently.

Also, Arthur cannot eat chocolate ice cream *Shock2* Ice cream will upset a dog's stomach, and chocolate is poisonous for them. This is a startling moment that pulls us out of the narrative. You can, however, use a scene like this to open the story in a more immediately grounded way, rather than generalizing about how the community views Arthur and David.

Overall, I really enjoyed this; I feel it needs a little polish to show at its best. (For that matter, I always suggest adding {size:4}{font:verdana} to the beginning of an item to ensure it's professional and presentable. You may also want to add a word count at top or bottom in case you would like to drop this off at "Senior Center Forum" Open in new Window.)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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