Your writing is very good. I don't usually read Western stories, but this one drew me in. I'm not sure about the historicity of it, but that doesn't bother me.
I think there are a few grammatical errors.
"You have met the man Kitty, he is a disgrace." You should substitute the a semicolon for the comma.
"He made such a pathetic figure Kitty, a grown man and cavalry officer blubbering and sobbing in front of the enlisted men that I did not have the heart to refuse him." There should probably be a period after "figure."
"My darling Kitty, can you imagine the implications of such an action." Substitute an exclamation point for the period.
"P.S. Remember me to young Freddy, he has always been the apple of his father's eye and please do your utmost to prevent him becoming a soldier." I think you should substitute a semicolon for the comma after "Freddy." Also, maybe put a period after "eye."
Otherwise, this read very well. I'm giving it five stars, as the grammatical errors don't really bother me so much.
This story is very cute. It could happen in reality, but one of the characters is eccentric. I enjoy the back-and-forth as well as the fact that it's mostly dialogue. Keep doing what you are doing.
This was hilarious! I loved every bit of it. The set-up is nice and the pitch is even better. Honestly, I can't think of anything negative to say about this joke. It works just as well as a story as it does a joke; it's like a short parody. It could even work on TV as a funny bumper between commercials. Sorry if I'm making grammatical mistakes. I'm high.
I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors. This is indeed a scary story, but I feel that expanding it would bode well. The more detail, the more we come to sympathize with the main character. It's a small nitpick. Otherwise, you spooked me. I did feel like the man that keeps knocking was crucial to the story reading through it, like there was going to be a bigger mystery. This seems more like a horror or thriller first. Again, you've achieved a lot in just a few words, and you're good at creating suspense. Keep writing!
I can really relate to your story. I too have had troubles with jobs and not being hired due to a lack of skills. Stories like these, though fictional, give me hope.
One thing that stood out was this line: 'When I was looking bleak at my own future, what's the reason that you have so much faith in me?'
It doesn't appear to be grammatically correct. Also, I think "liken" is supposed to be "likened."
Besides that, this is a beautiful and profound story that I enjoyed reading.
Beautifully written, with great diction and spelling. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you use it well. I did, however, think that the grammar could use much work. There are punctuation marks both missing and misplaced. This surprises me, because otherwise you nailed it. It did bother me a little bit, but I was nevertheless impressed. The story has a good message. It gave me a positive feeling and made my day. Another minor thing, while it's a spirited piece, you use a lot of vague language that I think could be improved.
First things first: grammar.
In the second sentence, there should be a comma after "green."
The tiny little faced that woke in the morning to see the beautiful toys all hand made by the rebels.
It seems that you forgot to put "children" after "little-faced."
Those are the only mistakes I noticed. I like your use of repetition, and how you emphasize certain phrases. I honestly thought that, at the end, the elves would back off. Santa had it coming. Your nod to Rudolph is funny as well.
All in all, good work!
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