Like this. Poetically speaking, I might try breaking some of the lines so that it reads more poetically, but still. Reminds me of my dad!
Using this in this week's Poetry newsletter. ~fyn
I remember that Steel Beach on the USS Ronald Reagan, CVN 76. What a day that was. Although I am a veteran, I was Army. My daughter was the one in the Navy and I was on a Tiger Cruise!
Using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter! ~fyn
Hmmm. The story, in and of itself, was fine. I wasn't able to get a concrete idea of his age. Had ideas but then 'Elven Wood' was too old for what I'd initially thought. But then, had to be old enough to saddle and bridle the horse. Thinking back, I figured maybe 10? But then terms like maiden horse and talks of first foaling that didn't 'seem to fit'-- I grew up with horses, but at, say 10, I wouldn't have had a clue about maiden and babies. (I remember a movie all the girls had to watch in health class. It was called 'You're a Young Lady Now' (funny how I remember the name, LOL) and about girl's getting their first period. I didn't understand 'mentruation' - I 'heard' "men's tuition" and was clueless! )
Thinking it might be a doll's shoe...or someone who's as small as Anna...yet Anna can cook fish?
So for POV - getting 3rd person omniscient as primarily we not only get his thoughts but like looking over his shoulder. Age was still somewhat confusing. Words like Dreary seemed older. The idea of building a house. I made 'forts' all the time at 10 or 11, but I would never have considered them a 'house.'
Of course, then I'm thinking about the foot that had been in the shoe which was clean 'inside' and got totally side-tracted from POV consideration.
All in all good. Of course, because you are an excellent writer. To be totally from his viewpoint alone, I think it should probably be in first person. (No 'he' did this or that.)
POV considerations can be such a PITA! LOL.
Would I have kept reading had this bit been longer? Absolutely--and that having nothing to do with being asked to read same. I'd have wanted to.
Cute and it made me giggle! You wrote this in 2017. Still hitting that snooze? Happy New Year!
I'm using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter as an editor's pick. ~fyn
Flat out loved this! What a magical storyteller you are!This made my heart smile!
I'm using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter as one of my editor's picks! ~fyn
WOW! Thanking you for the purely magical peek behind the scenes! You've sparked an urge I never knew lay waiting! I have traveled to many places, now here is another I must explore. :) I'm using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter. ~fyn
I love reading something like this and hearing the music in my head! Well done, my friend, well done. Yup, using this in this week's newsy which you inspired! (For Authors) ~fyn
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