Ryan's (fowldarr) Reviews

Ryan

Review Requests: OFF

3 Public Reviews Given

3 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4090780

Review of Promises of Lies

Review by Ryan

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (2.0)

The redundant 'I' is well, redundant, I would get rid of one of them. In regards to the second stanza, in my experience lies are buried in promises, not the other way around. We still don't know what causes the "confusion, hate, betrayal"

Third stanza: I like the funeral of my heart imagery. I see what you're trying to do with tears of blood, but the image doesn't work. How do tears (of blood or otherwise) separate anything? Now if there was a river of bloody tears....maybe, or if it was 'the void between us filled with tears of blood', Try to use more imagery.

Fourth stanza, is the fire really extinguished? Extinguished fires don't cause bloody tears, or references to sweet love.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4090037

Review of My all time "FAVIORITE"

Review by Ryan

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (1.0)

Misspelled title, use of abbreviated words throughout ('u' instead of 'you'), lack of capitilization are all issues.

In regards to the content of the poem, work on the imagery. You came in like an angel and saint, ok, how, why, paint the picture for us, tell us what made the other individual an angel and a saint.

Some of the stanzas don't tie well to themselves, second to last as an example. The last two lines feel very disjointed, maybe just a tense change in the last sentence would address that.

Keep working on it, it has potential.