The concept's not bad. In fact I like it generally. But the telling in and of itself is a bit bland. It's not believable, and the "aha!" moments aren't believable. Where do the powers come from? It should take more work for the girls to find them. Their characters are also not as well defined as I'd like. Sam is best defined, as the reader sees her feelings the most, but Julie and Brit are rather two dimensional. IMHO, don't throw out the idea/plot/story. I can see it being very interesting, sort of a Narnia-related idea, but it needs a lot of work. Consider this composition as no more than a plot/synopses or sketch.
Lots of potential here!
All the best,
Fierology
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fierology
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 10:27am on Mar 14, 2026 via server WEBX1.