Brother Don's (donaldbrown) Reviews

Brother Don

Review Requests: OFF

13 Public Reviews Given

16 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2060330

Review of Maybelline Mystery-Chapter1

Review by Brother Don

Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Technical comments: there is a difference in verb tense in the first sentence that distracts a little. Also the last sentence in the first paragraph is very long. In the first part of the first sentence of the second paragraph, change the verb from passive to active.
Emotional response: Very attention-grabbing! This is a good opening to what should be an intense suspense novel. I would like to read more when it is available.
Don Brown

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1921399

Review of Goodby My Blessings

Review by Brother Don

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

I have seen the unbelievable cruelty of CPS in several states. I know that sometimes they perform a valuable service, but there are also times when they do things simply to provide for their own continued existence with little or no regard for the eternal pain that they have caused. I understand your pain and I feel a stron compassion for you. I will pray that God gives you peace and that sometime in the future your entire family will be reunited permanently. May God bless you with His presence and comfort.

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1921385

Review of A One-Stringed Guitar

Review by Brother Don

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Technically, this story is complete and correct. Grammar is correct, punctuation is correct, and sentence structure is varied to increase interest focus attention. In addition, the writer shows an ability to connect with his/her subject and reading audience. The only reason I did not rate this item at 5.0 is that it leaves me feeling incomplete. I have not been able to feel the guitarist's fufillment and the sudden switch to the soccer player caught me by surprise. The single sentence that gets inside of one of the soccer players is the last sentence and that leaves me thoroughly unsatisfied. I have seen a glimpse of the soccer player and I know that there is more to be seen. I want to see more of him, but no more is given. It may be the writer's intention to leave the reader hooked without landing him, thus allowing the reader to substitute his/her own dreams for whatever the soccer player is dreaming, but I want to know his dreams, not mine.

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1918050

Review of 2. Ballistic When Diagnosed

Review by Brother Don

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

I respect you so much for getting the help you needed and willing to be open and honest about your situation! Your writing is very clear to me. You were able to maintain a consistent flow, developing your narrative with a good flow of the progress you have made. Everything was in logical order and indicated to me that, while you may have problems from time to time, at the time you wrote this, you were very clear-headed and in control. Probably you were thinking more clearly at that time than many who have not been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder!
I can only say, Keep it up! I want to hear more whenever you want to write more!