"The Magic of Making Love" is a passionate poem about passion, about making love. Total lines is 16, divided into four equal stanzas, and the lines vary in length, some of them much longer than SR (10) which works well in this piece. This good line, for example, "The rainbow weaves color and reveals your burning passion," is SR (14), while some lines, like the last, for instance, is just (9). But in this fine poem the emotion and effective word choice and phrase predominates. "I conquered your lips like I was walking on an endless shore," demonstrates this. Finally, the rhyme is consecutive all the way through except at the very end, with, "I become both master and the slave, / And you...the lover and the beloved." A break, a change-up to be sure, but in this case effective and apropos considering the overall impact and aplomb woven into this well-thought out piece. Write on.
"Squirrel Survivor" is a cool quick poem (for the 55 word contest) that moves fast and coveys the squirrel's anticipation about crossing the busy road. The squirrel assures himself things will be okay ("Alright. I've done this before. Not a problem.") Then there is conveyed action and speed with words like "Fast!" "Dodge!" and "Weave!" It was a close call for the squirrel... or maybe not! Write on.
"Golden Opportunities" is an interesting poem about the indulgent nature of mankind. It is 28 lines total, divided into seven equal stanzas. Syllable rhythm (SR) varies, ranging from (8) to (6). The keys to this poem are the lines, "Golden Opportunities / Discarded as if nothing," (the first two lines and then repeated again as the first two lines of the final stanza, for good effect) have an (SR) of (7).
The theme is what is man to do here on Earth, in the physical, the corporeal, with the opportunities granted, if there is a sacrifice of spirit, say. The poet wonders if youthful and carnal pleasures are, "...our total worth." The question is put: "What has the spirit here to do?" The poet also speculates, "Perhaps inherent wickedness / inhibits all things wise." I like the rhythm of those two lines, being that they are [8-6].
That particular stanza also has a good rhyme scheme (rhyming "wise" with "demise"), however not all stanzas are rhyming, so there is an inconsistency which detracts some. For example, the first two stanzas are non-rhyming (although there is the "worth" and "Earth" endings for lines four and eight), and that would be perfectly fine except then we have effective rhyming patterns in the middle stanzas. Since this is an exceptional concept for a poem, I think it would be better served using consistent rhyme or none at all. As such, then, the final stanza, utilizes the, "Discarded as if nothing" (line 2) and then ends with, "From the moment of our birth" (Line 4). Respectfully, how about something like, "Golden Opportunities / Discarded without worth / Without a thought we savage / Beginning at our birth."
The poet has succeeded in conveying passion in this piece, with good imagination and word choice. I thank you for sharing this, and for the honor to review it. Write on.
"We Three Walking Sticks" is a free-verse poem with a terrific title, it drew me in. It is 21 lines total, without any stanza break, which seems apropos. The scene is the Mississippi River and the memory is a trekking experience. There is fine image, like "golden greens", "quarry bluff", and a "leaf strewn path." "Schools of May apples lapped at our feet" is a great line. The adventurousness and environment is admirably captured in this fine poem. Write on.
"True Love" is a poem relating love and love through life, and makes a pointed statement at the end, which which is thoughtful and creative. It is 16 lines total with consecutive rhyme. The first two lines are quite good and rhythmic, and impressionable due to the reference to stars. These two lines are SR (8), whereas other lines deviate in syllable rhythm, some (9) ["True love it seems but lasting, never'], and some (7) ["Love once shared ends in divorce"]. The ending line is SR (11). Love's perspective ranges from that of teens to that of the seeking to, "...gain his name." The poet points out that older women, "...play their own game." Divorce is of course mentioned, and also the wondering, "...Will there be another?" In line (3) I would add a comma after "born", and in a few other places, like after "Still" (no to be too technical, but for clarity), and in line (6) I would amend "With teens" to "In teens", respectfully submitted. The concept is very good. Thanks for sharing, write on.
"A dream" is a short 12 line poem expressing love. It is broken up into six 2-line stanzas. It begins wondering if beauty were a picture, then wondering if it would, "...hang upon my wall." Other tangibles things it is likens to are a glance, laughter and touch. The poet conveys sincerity. A very good part is, "One touch is like a goddess / that love is so entwined." Mostly the rhythm is SR 7 and 6, with a deviation in the next to last line, which is 8. However, it woks okay and doesn't take away from the sincerity.
"A Slippery Wet Disaster" is a poem to which we can all relate, as motorists. It is 18 lines total, 3 stanzas, the first 2 stanzas are 5 lines and then the last is 8 lines. This poem describes the dangers that can crop up on the road, the commute home, especially in poor driving conditions, like rain and sloshy conditions. Word choice is good, with sharp phrasing like, "fluid-like traction", "onerous conditions," and, "plaguing the tiresome." We are informed how a distraction, "can lead to much damage." This poem is informative and matter-of-fact, written well and is an interesting read. Thanks for sharing.
"Flaming Hearts", is a gentle, well-constructed poem about lost love. It is 16 lines total, broken into 4 equal stanzas. The tone is apropos, word choice is good as is the construction. There is uniform consistency in the beginning lines, using, "Like", "They", "Like" and "Two" for each stanza; this is a good device. So there is reliance on simile, which adds to this piece's charm. The gamut of the seasons is run, from spring to summer, reflecting the bloom of love to the eventual coldness of the loss, since the winter winds, "...numb the body, and chill the soul." In the end, the flaming hearts now lie, unfortunately, frozen. The application here, of love to the seasons creates an admirable poem, most enjoyable. Write to dawn.
"The Groundhog Overslept" is a cute poem with good flow about the groundhog that overslept ("a dozen days away") but then is shot by cupid; "A lady groundhog was nearby." This poem uses the eight syllable rhythm very well, and tells a cute story. This is a pleasant poem and fun to read. At first he doesn't see his shadow, then he finds loves, and in the end "He hoped and wished the clouds away / to see his shadow every day." This is nice.
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