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Public Reviews
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Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)
DOES THE PLOT MAKE SENSE?
The plot does make sense. I understand that Marty is a cursed wizard, who wants nothing more than to do good in the world. I understand that he wants to live with the others, but they don’t want him, for he is dangerous to them all. But there is an issue with the plot. You have written about him, as though he was being observed by someone from the village.
You said, ‘Not that anyone desired to visit the castle or the evil wizard who lived within.’ When I read this, I thought that it would go into someone talking about the wizard, then would meet him and find out about his life, but I was wrong.
You then wrote later on, ‘“Filbert, it is I, Marty. I went through the wrong door and I am stuck on this side. Can you open the door?”’ This is now from Marty’s perspective, something that a member of the village would not know about.
One thing I know when it comes to writing, stick to writing the story from the eyes of one person, so as not to confuse the reader.
Do the characters feel real?
Marty feels real enough. Let me clarify what I mean: I can understand what Marty is going through. He’s being forced to leave his home because he had been cursed as a child, and he cannot control what his powers do. He is alone, left with only his familiar and his thoughts, and he was not able to be there for his mother when she passed. But I didn’t feel how he felt. I saw it. I understood it. I never felt it. That could use some refinement. Maybe have him do something when he hears of his mother’s death other than cry. Original:
‘The words formed in the ball and floated to the surface as Marty watched. He not only read the message, but he heard it as well, in his head. The news made Marty cry, and when the first of his tears landed upon the crystal ball, it flashed brighter, turning from grey to a dull yellow.’
Suggestion:
‘The words formed in the ball and floated to the surface as Marty watched. He not only read the message, but he heard it as well, in his head. He clutched at his hair and stumbled backward, falling against a wall. He slid down until he sat on the ground, and he began to cry. As his tears landed on the crystal ball, he watched as it flashed brighter, turning from grey to a dull yellow, then it increased until he was holding a bright yellow ball.’ This is just a suggestion, not something you have to do if you don’t wish to.
Mable, Queen Elsa, Rainie, and Moldark did not feel real, but that is probably due to the fact that we were not in their heads. We were in Marty’s. So they were, to me, more for the plot than anything. So, I have nothing to say for these characters. \
The Pacing.
The pacing at first, was slow when you were explaining about the island, but then it steadily grew more rushed. There were times where I had to reread some lines, for it did have me going; ‘wait, what’s happening here exactly?’ Example, when you spoke about the Australian natives. But then your pacing slowed slightly to a much decent pace, when you started to speak about Mable and the queen and everyone. I have nothing more to say for this, but I want you to know, that when you look through this once more, please tone the pace to a much natural movement.
Confusing scenes or plot holes.
As I have already said, the way you wrote the story, the POV it comes from, was confusing. I couldn’t find any confusing scenes or plot holes. In honesty, I did quite enjoy this piece of writing, but there are details that need reworking, and I will mention those later on. All you need to do is, if the story is from Marty’s experience, then put us into his head from start to end, not from the middle, it confuses.
Emotional Impact.
As I have already said, there was no emotion. I felt nothing toward the characters and nothing toward the story itself. I have nothing much to say about this particular section other than, if you want me to feel anything, do what you did with the old man story, when you actually made me cry by the way you described.
Minor Editing.
Please do not think that I am trying to dishearten you by changing your opening paragraph, but I have done it to show how I would make it more atmospheric or whatever it is you want to call it.
Original:
‘Outside the spooky, mysterious castle the sky was filled with ominous, black clouds. Two menacing dragons swooped and lifted, spewing flames upon the rocky, scorched ground. There was only one way into the castle, set on the end of a small peninsula, a narrow bridge over jagged, rocky outcroppings that offered no cover from the eyes flying overhead. The dark, murky waters around the peninsula swirled with movement; large mutated sea creatures watched and waited for unwary visitors to become their next meal. Not that anyone desired to visit the castle or the evil wizard who lived within.’
Suggestion:
‘Outside the spooky, mysterious castle, the sky was filled with ominous black clouds. Two dragons swooped and lifted, breathing golden flames upon the scorched, rocky ground. The castle seemed impenetrable, but there was a way inside. Set on the end of the small Peninsula was a narrow bridge over the jagged, rocky outcroppings that offered no cover from the eyes of the dragons above. The dark, murky waters that served as a moat, swirled with movement as large, mutated sea creatures watched and waited for unsuspecting visitors to become their next meal. Not that anyone had intentions to visit the castle or the evil wizard who lived within.’
Conclusion.
Although the story gave me no emotional connection, I did like the idea and I think you should continue writing, just edit it a bit more and you could make a great story.
I hope this review finds you well, and doesn't dishearten you. I would like to know also, how well you liked my feedback, and if you didn't agree, then explain to me what it was and I promise in the future I would be better.

If you want, I could redo the review of 'The Old Man' in this format if you ask. I don't mind.
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Review of Listen  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Wow, not going to lie, that is kinda a harsh reality. Honestly, I quite like this, and i have nothing to say about it. There might be something to it, and i've just not caught it yet, but I can definitley say that this is pretty good. I'm not sugarcoating anything either. I really like this piece of work.

Thank you for sharing this, and continue writing.
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Review of Game Models  
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
This piece is sharp and wonderfully built. The voice is confident and conversational, full of tech-savvy charm, and the worldbuilding is dense without feeling suffocating. The AR details—the purple skies, the basil rig, the fitness overlays, and the chore-gamification—are vibrant and easy to visualize. It reads like someone recounting the birth of a cultural revolution from the inside, and that immediacy gives the story real momentum.

What worked:
The protagonist’s enthusiasm is contagious. You really feel the arc from “sleepy college assignment” to “global phenomenon,” and the transitions between past and present are smooth. The story uses its tech cleverly—quests, achievements, pings—as narrative devices, and it never feels gimmicky. The mentor figure is a nice touch, grounding the ambition with human warmth. Most importantly, the emotional undercurrent—Samir being swept up by his own creation—gives the piece weight.

What didn’t work:
The details. while it was engaging, it does border on overwhelming. The piece might hit harder if a few elements were cut or spaced out to let emotional beats breathe. And because the pacing is so steady, the climax can feel more like a continuation than a punch.

Overall, it is an imaginative, forward-thinking story bursting with energy and heart.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Old Man  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)
I have no words to say for this short story. It was really beautiful and made me cry halfway through it. All I can say is that this story is amazing, I have never heard anything like this.
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