It would be better to avoid using the same phrase "secrets and lies" over and over. You might try other synonyms for the phrase. Also there are too many exclamation points. Not every line must end with one, or is this in the requirements? Use them sparingly to really bring out a point that needs emphasizing. Lastly, use fresh analogies. "...just like dirt'll be swept under the carpet." and "...like playing with fire, in the end they'll get burnt." These are cliches and the sentences would really pack a punch with something more original. Otherwise, well done.
OMG. What gall Sherry has! It's a wonder Isaac didn't keel over from a heart attack! Very well done! Interesting from start to finish and the dialogue was snappy and zappy. Kudos on that.
There were just a few spacing problems between some of the paragraphs and some indenting problems, but that's all I could really find to help you with. I think that happened to me as well when I copy/pasted from Word. Very well done!
This was well written and I liked the way the dialogue flowed. The characters were believable; people you'd meet any day in a city to which you can relate. There was one tiny typo, a space and a quotation mark were transposed at the end of the sentence and beginning of another: "My publisher wants me to do a book signing for my new book," he began, still staring at the floor." He says my fans... the quotation mark and space between floor. and "He says is transposed. The writing itself is wonderful. Keep up the good work!
Well written, and the story flows well. The characters are believable; we were all that naive once! There were a few typos: "Walking to the Neo-Gothic office building." The sentence needs finishing. There is an extra comma in "After a tornado scene, hitting the town..." maybe the sentence could be rewritten. Also one sentence shouldn't make up a whole paragraph unless it's dialogue. The sentence "And so it did." should probably belong to the previous paragraph. Still, these are minor typos. The dialogue was great, flowing and fast-paced. Well done!
Wow, what a character! This story was interesting from start to finish, captured my attention immediately. Everything was fast-paced but you could follow the action flawlessly, You had great transitions throughout. We really got to know Sherry very quickly in the very short time we visited with her. You've written a tight, compact powerful story here. You also did very well with punctuation and your dialog was terrific. Great job, and I look forward to reading more from you.
Well done, flows like a song, as I suspect it's meant too. It's a little hard to read with the different sized fonts and colors, and the words "golden sand" don't show up very well at all in that color. Very well written, but you don't need the colors because the words paint pictures in my mind. Quite vivid imagery. Keep writing!
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