Review Requests: ON
285 Public Reviews Given
285 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Asking questions that may help you develop and expand your story. Inconsistencies tend to jump out at me and I will point out any I see.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of test  
Rated: E
It worked.


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2
2
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Hi, {huser:averagecolors}! I am reviewing "The girl in the glass" , (The girl in the glass). Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" 
 
Presentation: The story is presented well on the page, it's easy to read, and is spaced well.

Plot: A haunted house, a young girl on a dare. What could go wrong?

Characters: Clara is a young lady who enters a decrepit home after her friends issue a dare. The protagonist is an enchanted object.

Flow: The tale flowed well; there were no lapses in the narrative that caused me to double back or lose my place.

Technicalities: I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors. There are a few things I want to comment on.

I think this story was written with a word count in mind. That being said, the descriptions told me more than they showed me.

"The house had been abandoned for years" – What makes us know it was abandoned for years?

There are other places where you could show us rather than tell us.

Also, you didn't pick any Genres. You can add up to 3, even after you have posted it, by clicking the Gray Gear Icon and selecting Edit from the dropdown menu.

Several fit your tale, including Horror/Scary and Ghost.

Adding the Genres does several things: it makes your story searchable. If someone searches for Ghost stories, yours will be included. Also, It makes your story eligible for a possible Quill nomination. Without a Genre, there's no category for your fiction.

Favorites: She ran. Her feet hit the floor, but no matter how fast she moved, the door never seemed closer.

A great deal of panic here!!

Closing Thoughts: This is a wonderful story, but because of what I think might be a word-count limitation, it's a bit skeletal. I'd love to see you revisit it and expand on it.

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank you, ☘️ Richard ☘️ Author IconMail Icon, feel free to contact me if you have any questions!


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3
3
Review of Trick or Treat?  
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Hi, {huser:dragondawn}! I am reviewing "Trick or Treat?" , (Trick or Treat). Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

 
Presentation: The short fiction is presented neatly on the page; a slightly larger font would be easier on these old eyes, but I fixed that on my own. I'm a bit perplexed by the description, not sure what TF means. (Remember I'm OLD, be a kind dragon.)

Plot: A mystical location enables a transformation.

Characters: Ben is our protagonist, who appears to be unhappy. There is no antagonist (yet, I hope).

Flow: The story flows well, has a distinct beginning, middle, and end, though I think the end arrived to soon!

Technicalities: immediatly is missing an E it should be immediately. reptillian only has one L.

Favorites: "But it was worth it cause his new body towered above the trees. He moaned in appreciation. This was going to be a great new life indeed!"

This made me happy. Ben deserves his best life!

Closing Thoughts: This is a nice little fiction. BUT! I want more, I want to know more about Ben's new life. I want to know how he succeeds. I want to know what problems, difficulties, and setbacks he encounters. There are so many directions this short sketch can take. Take Us There!!

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank you, ☘️ Richard ☘️ Author IconMail Icon, feel free to contact me if you have any questions!
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4
4
Review of The Kraken  
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi, {huser:koker86}! I am reviewing "The Kraken" , (The Kraken). Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
Presentation: The poem is well presented, the font choice and size make it an easy read on the eyes.


Plot: A mythical creature is awakened, with less than desirable results


Characters: The poem's narrator is the protagonist, nature, and its creatures serve as the antagonist. There isn't room for much development of either. We're left to assume as we wish.

Flow: The narrative flowed well, there was nothing that interrupted the plot as it wound towards its inevitable end.


Technicalities: The poem consists of nine stanzas of four lines each, with a repeating rhyme scheme of ABCB. The rhyme scheme continues throughout, but breaks in the eighth stanza. (watch/rocks)

I did a bit of a search and found a word that locks into the poem's rhyme scheme:

swash /swôSH,swäSH/
verb
1. (of water or an object in water) move with a splashing sound.
"the water swashed and rippled around the car wheels"

Archaic Meanings:

2. (of a person) flamboyantly swagger about or wield a sword.
"he swashed about self-confidently"

noun: the rush of seawater up the beach after the breaking of a wave.
"the swash tends to push shingle up the beach"

Granted, this is an obscure, old-timey word, and only a near rhyme — but, Poetic License, and all that!!

I'd like to see some additional punctuation, as an aid to how you feel the poem's rhythmic flow goes.

Favorites:

He sat there and gazed
As the ripples fell silent
But then came a BOOM
From the depths so violent

Something bad comes this way!

Closing Thoughts: This is a well-written narrative poem that flows beautifully. I enjoyed reading it from start to finish.

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank you, ☘️ Richard ☘️ Author IconMail Icon, feel free to contact me if you have any questions!


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5
5
Review of Lunch's Contrast  
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
Hi, {huser:m.n.ball}! I am reviewing "Lunch's Contrast" , (Lunch's Contrast). Thank you for sharing your talents with us.
Presentation: The only comment I have here is that a slightly larger font size would make this easier to read. Otherwise, the presentation is neat and well-organized. You might want to consider adding Biographical to the Genre listing.
Plot: The delicious differences between work and leisure.

Characters: The protagonist/narrator appears to be the author. A second character is mentioned, but only in passing; we don't meet her.

Flow: The story flowed logically through the day, from its start to finish. There were no jarring things that detracted from its flow.

Technicalities: I didn't detect any grammatical or spelling errors.


Favorites: "the back door was open and a gentle pre-spring breeze washed over me. It had that fresh feel about it."

This is the best descriptive line in the poem!

Closing Thoughts: I'm not entirely sure what these vignettes are written for, so I don't know if you are facing a word count restriction.

That being said, I think your writing is strong, but I'd like to see a shift from telling to showing:

"Today started bright and brilliant, I started sleepy and slow, work started relentless and rapid."

bright and brilliant: What made it bright and brilliant? How did bright and brilliant affect you?
I started sleepy and slow,: Wait was slow, did you stumble, did you spill some coffee?
work started relentless and rapid.: How was it relentless? What made it rapid?

"I worked through the work." You could make this stronger by using a different way to say "worked". Repeating words makes the text weaker.

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank you, ☘️ Richard ☘️ Author IconMail Icon, feel free to contact me if you have any questions!
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6
6
Review of Dance  
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)
Hi, wisdomgiver12! I am reviewing "Dance" , (Dance). Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

Presentation: Your poem is well presented. There are just a few comments I'd like to make.

The second line: You have one more chance, I came with you to dance away,
Perhaps this should be two lines, which would produce this:

When will you ask me to dance?
You have one more chance.
I came with you to dance away,
but you do not make me wanna stay.

Again, split this line: Shuffle your feet to the side or keep them wide.

Shuffle your feet to the side
or keep them wide.

And perhaps add a space between these two lines:

but to be honest, there is no norms.
It comes from you, so make it count.

More like this:

but to be honest, there is no norms.

It comes from you, so make it count.

Where you break the rhyme scheme, to highlight the change of tone.

Plot: Two people, one extroverted and one introverted, in a social situation. The extrovert tries to draw the introvert out.

Characters: an unnamed narrator and their shyer partner.

Flow: With the exceptions of those I noted in Presentation, the poem flowed well and was easy to read.

Technicalities: I didn't see any errors or issues that distracted from the reading of the poem.

Favorites: This is a great line; Once you learn how to ignite the light inside,

It's always a struggle to break out and dance like no one is looking, and when it finally happens, it's often like a form of ignition.

Closing Thoughts: I enjoyed this subtle battle of differing personalities.

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank you, ☘️ Richard ☘️ Author IconMail Icon, feel free to contact me if you have any questions!
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7
7
Review of Wings Chapter One  
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)
Hi, Rei! I am reviewing "Wings Chapter One" , (Wings Chapter One). Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 

Presentation:

Your layout is neat and orderly, but there are two things I'd like to mention. The font appears to be Impact, which is used primarily for headlines and possibly headers. It tends to run together, making it difficult to read for some. Verdana is a bit easier on the eyes.

Also, I noticed in your portfolio that you are creating separate items for individual chapters. As a Premium Member, you can create books and place each chapter into them. It organizes them better

Plot: A fantasy involving magic, demons, angels, and the problems they bring


Characters: Our protagonist is a teacher/magician of the not-the-entertainer variety. The protagonist may or may not be an angel or a demon — only time will tell.

Flow: I did stumble a bit when you changed the timeline:

First: "Now, ten years later,"
And then: ~Five years before~ Which seemed to be part of the narrative, perhaps center the text, so that it's a more obvious scene change.

Technicalities: A few things to mention here:

about ninety to a hundred kids a day. — You are giving a range twice, I'd suggest either leaving out the word about, or the phrase "ninety to a", it's a cleaner read.

So I seeked out my mother. — seeked should be sought.

Check your comma usage, there are commas that aren't needed and some that are missing.

Favorites:

"I am here to help you. You've requested guidance and I am here to give it to you for as long as you need it." His words confused me. What did that mean?

That's when I realized, "You're the guardian sent to me?"

I'm not sure that whatever has arrived is really there to help, which leaves me wanting to read more.


Closing Thoughts: I'm a former teacher, so I am always drawn to stories that involve teachers as protagonists. I'd love to see this story continue! If you need any information on how to change fonts or create a book, please don't hesitate to ask!

And remember, please, as always, these are just opinions and thoughts; please feel free to use and adapt what works and ignore what doesn’t. Thank you, ☘️ Richard ☘️ Author IconMail Icon, feel free to contact me if you have any questions!

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8
8
Review of Old Photos  
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
I found your poem when I checked your portfolio after seeing your post on the Newsfeed.

Seeking refuge from loneliness, the poem's narrator uses old photographs to kindle memories of the past and of people no longer there.

"The song of the doorbell, off key", longing for human contact, seemingly almost any human contact, even if it's less than the best on-key contact.

"searching for a temple among the ruins." looking for solace, and shelter from loneliness

This poem is rich with metaphor and imagery, portraying the bleakness and longing in the narrator's life. It's impossible not to feel the deep sadness that fills the air around them. They cling to memories that don't quite quench that almost bereavement.

Left with only silent thoughts, seeking balm from "photographs are candles to light up the night." , to lift and light their path to a better place.

I didn't find anything that hampered the flow of this poem, and you succeeded in marking well the sadness of missing lost family and friends.
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9
9
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
Hello, I found your poem while I was looking at members celebrating Account Anniversaries.

This is a free verse poem. As such, it has no definitive form or rhyme scheme.

The poem's theme, though it seems based on the past, is modern. Starting with hopeless, unrequited love, it blossoms into love between two same sex partners. Because of the mores of their society and times, and perhaps the laws, they are forced to hide their love. This is particularly poignant in light of the struggles surrounding LGBTQ+ rights at present.

I didn't see any errors that detracted from your work; it flowed well, and the punctuation made it easy to read.

I do have one small quibble —

A Princess is usually not the ruling monarch; she might be the heir apparent, but monarchs are usually Queens (or Kings), the honorific "Your Majesty" is generally reserved for the ruling monarch. All of the other royals are referred to as "Your Highness."

Thanks!!


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10
10
Review of Sarah Ebon  
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello! I found your poem by clicking on Read A Newbie. Welcome to Writing.com (WdC).

A Romance, wrapped in a Fantasy, with boundless adventures. And, a Spoonerism to boot. Nice Job!!

I tripped a bit over the 4th. line of your first stanza, the rhythm seems a bit off (at least to me), I keep wanting to add On, as in:

On a day so fine.

But that just might be my reading of your words.

Except for a scant few question marks, there is no punctuation, which leaves the reader at odds as to where pauses go within the poem. Even at the end of a stanza, the text plunges headlong into the next stanza. That, of course, may be intentional, creating a tumbling onward feeling.

"Got picked out" has me puzzled. Got picked out for what?

I didn't see any errors in spelling or grammar. Thanks!!

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11
11
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi, I found this short story by clicking "Read A Newbie".

This is a cute little romance that was well written. There is a bit of a non-sequitur; your title features potato pie, which could have been a Sweet Potato Pie, but the story mentions Sweet Potato Chile. No big deal, but it made me go back and reread the title.

Greg's family, it seems, has a long-standing custom. We're kept in suspense until the very end about what that custom is, while being misdirected into thinking it's something else. Clever!

I didn't see any errors that jumped out at me. The story has a nice flow and is well-paced.

BTW: Do you have Olivia's recipe for Sweet Potato Chile?
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12
12
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
I found "Christmas on Coventry Way (WC 298)" , while I was looking for a member celebrating their Account Anniversary!

I'm a lover of Christmas stories; they're usually cheerful and bright. This one wasn't, though; it leaves a tinge of sadness and many unanswered questions.

The first, and most pressing question is, why isn't the home decorated anymore? What happened to stop the decorating? Obviously, the child looking for Santa has grown up, but surely just growing up doesn't end the Christmas Spirit. We, as readers, are left to create our own reason: Did the father pass on? Was there some other tragedy?

I don't see any mechanical errors in the text, either misspellings or grammatical errors.

There's quite a bit of sadness packed into the Flash Fiction.


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13
13
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Hello! I found your portfolio by clicking on the Read A Newbie link. Welcome to Writing.com (WdC)!!

A bit of Irish Magic, in a well-woven tale. Or is it a bit of Irish Science Fiction? Or maybe a bit of both?

I almost expected the elderly shopkeeper and his great-grandfather to be a little younger in the German gentlemen's section, as if wizards aging backwards.

I did have a bit of trouble transitioning from one timeline to another; the transitions jolted me a bit, but I realize now that they helped set the mood for your tale. Your story was suspenseful and kept me involved and wanting to move forward.

I still can't decide if this is a story filled with magic and fantasy, or a tale of time travel. Either way, it's a story of redemption, a second chance, a glimpse of an alternate future, and a final act that reunites the characters on a new path.
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14
14
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
Hi, I found your flash fiction while I was looking for members celebrating Account Anniversaries.

I understand your point, or at least I think I do. You seem to indicate that once in power, the person will do whatever needs to be done to hold that power. I agree with that point. However, there are a few things I'd quibble with.

The first is that your example is not a Democracy. The form of government you've portrayed is: A monarchy with a council, often referred to as a "King-in-Council" or "Royal Council. A small difference, but a vital one. The power here is held by the executive, but the executive can be removed by the council, or in this case, not. And therein is my second quibble, Queen Maren chose not to accept the Council's vote. But the Council doesn't need to accept her choice either; she violated the Council's vote, and they have the right to act to protect the laws of the land.

You may wear a crown, but the people hold true power.


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15
15
Review of Fireworks  
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
Of course, the first thing I had to do was Google Katy Perry singing "Fireworks". It's an inspirational tune, set in a lively way.

This is a classic essay; you make a statement, and then support it with a cohesive argument.

"We each have at least a spark." Very true, sadly, not everyone sees their spark, or they don't have the opportunity to fan that spark into a flame.

You make a strong case for how to do this by challenging us to be our best and strive to be better. While I taught music, I used to push my students to get out from behind the curtain, in other words, stop hiding, and let themselves be heard. Making a mistake is not losing; it's a chance to learn.

Finding your voice is a wonderful thing, and I'm glad you found yours!!


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16
16
Review of Left Behind  
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi, I found your poem by clicking on the Read A Newbie link on WdC's home page. Welcome to Writing.com (WdC)!

Your poem is emotion-packed, driven by the picture of a single rose, left behind on a public bench. The poem explores how the rose may have gotten there, and why it might have been left behind. The setting is lyric-like with a four-line verse, followed by a four-line chorus.

The verse and chorus hold to an AABB rhyme scheme until the final verse, which has a shorter syllable count per line and changes to an AABA rhyme. Musically, it would be treated as a Coda section. You very effectively break the last line of the final chorus, indicating a wistful pause.

I don't see many mechanical problems, but I want to mention places that I stumbled while reading your poem:

This rose was given to someone, we do not know for why

The for in this line seems misplaced. Perhaps replace for with the? That will keep the syllable count and improve flow.

None of the statements end with a period or comma, which may be on purpose, but you aren't putting in the pauses you choose.

Its silence tells of love… or was it just another lie

This is the only line of the verse where you use an ellipse (...), is that on purpose?

The poem left me a bit sad and wistful, which, I'm sure, was its intent. You did a great job. Thanks for sharing!
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17
17
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (2.5)
Hi, I found this tale by clicking on Read A Newbie, so welcome to Writing.com (WdC)!

First, to protect readers, WdC has a strict code system that authors select when posting their work on the site. You posted this as E, which permits everyone to access it. However, because of language concerns, you need to change it to at least 18+. The language didn't bother me, I often think the very same word to myself. But others are more sensitive, and there are youngsters on the site. So if you want to share with Everybody, you need to remove the profanity.

Now on to presentation.

There are several viewpoints occurring at the same time:

The very first paragraph has us in the book Lenni is reading.
Then we're taken out of the book, and into the present/reality.
Finally, we're taken into Lennie's head and thoughts.

Those quick change cause a bit of reader confusion, and doubling back for clarification,

A suggestion, generally when a character is sharing inner thoughts the text for them is italicized. That makes it easier for reader to distinguish thoughts from reality/real time dialog.

You could also try indenting the book text, to make that transition stand out as a change of POV.

The last thing is that I think might help — generally, each time the speaker changes when dialog is being written a new paragraph starts:

This:

Rabbit speaks first. "Welcome." he says to me. "You speak... f***ing English? Is this a dream?" I half say-half scream to the strange rabbit. "Well of course he does, lady. Everyone speaks English in upturn. Where are you from?" the teenager says, annoyed with my questions like a teenager. I snarl at the kid. "I am from Maplewood. Minnesota. Don't talk to me like that, kid. And did you say Upturn?"

Looks like this:

Rabbit speaks first. "Welcome." he says to me.

"You speak... f***ing English? Is this a dream?" I half say-half scream to the strange rabbit.

"Well of course he does, lady. Everyone speaks English in upturn. Where are you from?" the teenager says, annoyed with my questions like a teenager.

I snarl at the kid. "I am from Maplewood. Minnesota. Don't talk to me like that, kid. And did you say Upturn?"

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18
18
Review of My Haikus!  
for entry "A Beautiful House" 
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
The Haiku format is seemingly simple: three lines of five, seven, and five syllables that portray a moment in time. That simplicity is deceptive; creating a complete thought in a scant 17 syllables is far from an easy task.

At the outset, this Haiku "My Haikus!" , does that. We are presented with a clear picture, describing a lovely home that anyone might be happy to possess. But the twist at its end is a knife that cuts to the quick.
"is empty for years"
 
In my mind, I asked multiple questions, and I was left with sadness at the thoughts that line created.

Why is the house empty? Did the homeowner pass, without a clear heir? A couples hard fought divorce? Has something happened, a natural or man-made disaster, that forced abandonment? Seventeen syllables that tell a story rife with sadness, and leavng us searching for answers.


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19
19
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Hi Lillian, I found the draft of your story by clicking on Read A Newbie. Welcome to Writing.com (WdC)!

This is a great start for your children's story. Cali the Calico Cat sounds like she'd be a great recurring protagonist in a series of children's books.

I realize this is a draft and that you are still developing and shaping your tale.

It is a really good start. I do want to suggest that you show the reader something rather than tell them:

Pretend the reader doesn't know what a calico cat looks like. Describe Cali, her colors, her eyes, all the things that make her a Calico.

"Once there was a sassy little cat" - what makes Cali sassy, what sassy things does she do?

"The one day, a very sad lady walked in" - Tell me she's sad without saying she's sad. Are her eyes downcast? How's her gait? Does she shuffle? Does she sigh a lot? Also, you need to add an n to the in that line.

But now the footsteps came closer! One of the humans opened the cage! - This is where you get to explore Cali's reactions. How does the sound of the approaching footsteps make her feel? What's it like to have the cage open after all this time? What's her reaction to this strange human?

Your title has me intrigued. I can't wait to meet the Crabby Crickets, or to join Cali and her new human on their adventures!
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20
20
Review of When She Cries  
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
Hi Michael, I found this song lyric while I was looking for members celebrating account anniversaries.

This lyric has an interesting structure; it appears to be V/C V/C c V/C c.

V: Two of the verses are unique; the third and final verse is a repeat of the first. In what I'm calling the verse, the second and fourth lines are repeated in each verse.

C: In the chorus, the first two lines of six are repeated, with a different line for three and six.

c: Seems to be something of a coda, or alternate chorus. It is a direct repeat at each occurrence.

Without hearing the tune you were hearing, it's hard to understand the rhythmic flow. The syllable count does flow well, with similar counts line by line, which would be important when setting this to music.

Punctuation is sparse; a little more would have provided guidance, both when reading and setting to music.

The poetry of the lyric is sad and forlorn, lending it to being set in a minor key, with a light accompaniment.


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21
21
for entry "Prologue" 
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
A prologue's job is to capture the reader's attention, lure them close, and hook them. It needs to be rich in detail, hint at the coming tale, and still not give so much away that the reader still wants to know more. Your prologue does that well. I am intrigued by Mikhail's situation and would like to learn more.

Science Fiction is by far my favorite genre; my greatest complaint is that much of it is either cliched, predictable, or totally unbelievable. You start out by adding a twist that leads me to believe this won't be a cliche. I'll leave that twist for the reader to discover for themselves. I need to read further to discover if you've beaten the Sci-fi curse, but your prologue certainly leads the way to doing that.

I saw no grammatical or spelling errors that detracted from my reading; the prose flowed well. Thank You!!


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22
22
In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.0)
Hi Melody, I found your short poem in the "Review a Newbie" section on the WdC home page. Welcome to Writing.com!!

The poem is an interesting take on introspection, using a mirror as a metaphor for self-reflection. You did a great job enumerating and identifying the good qualities we should cultivate in ourselves.

I did see a few mechanical things to point out:

In the first line, ref_ection needs an L.
Second Line - yourself. you, If you put a period here the Y of you should be capitalized.
                                                  you feel good you stand, - I'm not getting the meaning or flow of this line, also it ends in a comma.
And when you smile your reflection also show(s).
Fifth line - you needs a capital.

Thank You for sharing, I look forward to reading more of your work!
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23
23
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
 
I found this poem when I visited your portfolio to celebrate you Anniversary on WdC!

It's a free verse poem, with 6 stanzas of four lines each, with rhymes on the second and fourth line of each.

Losing a friend is tough enough; losing them to a senseless accident is even tougher. The poem's tone shows that you felt this loss deeply. You do end this verse on a note of hope:

So, know you're loved
we'll miss you more
and pray we meet
on some beautiful shore.

I didn't see any errors that detracted from my reading. The poem flowed well and was easy to read (mechanically).


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

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There was no need to apologize to the Bard; he most likely would have approved of your take on his words.

You track the progress of our lives, from fresh youth to ripe old age.

My favorite passage:

"When older still, approaching the fall,
we see they think little of us at all."

The point we've finally gained the wisdom to know it doesn't matter what others think, that we need to appreciate our own best qualities.

There were no errors that detracted from this poem; it flowed well and presented an easy read. Thank You!!


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25
25
Review of June 15--Dog  
In affiliation with Anniversary Reviews Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

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This flash fiction is a touching story, written from a dog's point of view. You did an excellent job of sharing how a dog might view their surroundings. You made special mention of the senses a dog would employ. The story engendered empathy for the dogs plight, and the plight of puppy mill dogs.

I didn't see any real errors, just a missing e here: "She ven lets me sleep with her!

The last dog I had, Sweetie, was a pound puppy. I found her at the local town animal shelter. We don't share the house with a puppy now. We want to travel, and feel it wouldn't be fair to the dog, so many places bar animals, and constantly putting our pup in a pet hotel seems cruel. I do miss having a dog. Occasionally, we get to have our four-legged, furry grandniece when her family travels or visits. Her name is Daisy, she's a big furry ball of mush, smart as a whip, and lovable as all get out.


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