A good read. Flows well, tight wording adds to the tension and emotion. One easily fixed distraction - "No. I can't stay." I through my napkin down (throw?)
What I like best. Simple short lines with quick words that bite into consciousness while reading. Repeats of 'What if I do' put focus on 'choice' as the theme. Easy to understand.
What surprised me. How effective the poem comes across when using these the poets writing tools.
What might be changed. the reference to this being a favorite monologue could use a sentence or two with further explanation. It peaks the readers interest without resolving it.
What I liked best. The choice of rhyme felt natural and not forced. It made for easy and delighted reading flow. No issues with grammar or punctuation offered distraction.
What surprised me. How well woven the idea of comfort becoming an emotional cage limiting personal growth was. Well done.
What could be improved. A single moment of distraction was finding a whole line attached to a previous line instead of being placed on its own. An easy fix.
What I liked best. Playful and lively scene that easily came to mind while reading. Nice twist at the end that brought a mental chuckle. The title is what hooked me into choosing this selection and I am glad I did.
What surprised me. How effective bringing these characters to life and making them part of the mental conversation was. I love it when a character takes on a life of their own. This went to a whole new level.
Thanks for sharing and see you somewhere in the future matrix of possabilities, I'm sure.
What I liked best. Reality can be a hard taskmaster. Seeing it within a window of poetic form offering a moment of reflection, before viewing life's uncertain path again. This poem offers that view, with all its attendant emotional release powerfully felt.
Simple phrasing, no grammar or punctuation issues distracted from the reading flow. Good job.
What surprised me. Although not the same issue, I had just written and entered a writing contest using a heavily felt life issues of my own. Finding another soul willing to risk such personal revelation made me feel a common bond.
Thank you for sharing your poetic lifestyle. It has impacted another life.
What I liked best. Nice twist at the ending with the cucumbers. They do tend to proliferate enough for family, neighbors, and friends.
The rhyme flowed from line to line with no problems in spelling, grammar or punctuation to distract reading. The focus of the theme was consistent and familiar to any gardener.
What surprised me. It doesn't take much to foster clear imagery with commonly used wording. I chuckled over the buildup for the stringy harvest having been there many times myself. Yet, each season, here we go again.
Thanks for sharing and keep the poetic frame of mind blossoming.
What I liked best. Simple and compelling lines made it easy to stay focused on the theme. No grammar or punctuation problems which would have distracted from the reading. In this age of short messages and content throughout our media, I didn't have to stretch my attention span to finish this poetry. Nice job.
What surprised me. I randomly selected this poem from the poet's portfolio. It hit home. I was the sole caregiver as my wife passed away in her bedroom a short two months ago. Poetry is meant to be an emotional experience and reading this poem was.
Thanks for sharing such a personal theme. I look forward to reading more of your work in contests and on your port as your writing evolves.
What I liked best. The author not only followed the contest prompt, but brought it to life. Focusing on a soldier and his ten year old niece kept it simple and helped the reading flow smoothly.
There were no grammar or punction problems, and the choice of wording made for lack of distraction from unnecessary elements.
What surprised me. I like it when a short story leaves something for the reader's imagination to fill in. This one got me wondering how the bug knew what the soldier's mom looked and talked like. Some form of residually selective telepathy probing the unconscious? More likely, the bugs were able to listen in on the soldier's conversations about back home. They were able to use the soldier's own voice pattern to reflect back a higher pitched version, thus mom.
What could be improved. Not much. This is a tightly woven plot and characterization limited by the rules of the contest. Other than the one mind stretch (which was fun), everything else is pure entertainment in story form.
I look forward to reading more of your contest entries.
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