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Public Reviews
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Review of new home  
Review by Howard Rue Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Okay, this works, it really works.

Good stuff, my friend. I will note that the pace is uneven, in need of some shifting between the protagonist and the setting at an equal rate. I noticed you didn't get too deep, leaving open the reader's exploration to the same time as John's.

He missed his teammates. What about families at home?

And who made the mistake of flying too close to the second sun? Or was it just an uncalculated risk?

Good stuff, keep it moving!
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Review of Falling  
Review by Howard Rue Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Dear Paradox,

I just have say, well, I'm impressed. A previous job made me review items beyond the screen, in the real world, so I rarely, if ever ventured out to look at others' works without monetary purpose.

Until today.

And I started here.

What a strong piece you've composed. There's a sense of place and time, there's a stream of consciousness. It's so good, I doubt my critique will help much. But you have something here. It's not story-length material, however, by it's very nature. For one, you start, right from the get-go, with the story and send him on his way, so we can join him on his life-story...downwards. However, two dings appear in your story which remind us of our own realities and pull us away from the overall tale. You used two cliches-and seems like you were aware of them and were tyring to smooth them over. But there is a sense of "his life flashed before his eyes," and, while that may be true, it needs to be a bit less evident. People review their lives, especialy when the end is so right in front of them. That's a given. Watch the parallel form of the mention "like a movie."

The second cliche that becomes readily apparent? "brave-hearted folk dare not tread?" Might wish to hit a theasaurus and bring about another way of looking at something we've seen before and heard before.

Otherwise? Your story is excellent, truly. When time allows, I might drift over and look at some of your other tales.

Keep writing.
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