Your basic plot seems fine... But your grammar and punctuation definitely need work. Really, keep going. It seems good. Two of the things that really got me were the weird paragraphs and the comma splices. FREAKING COMMA SPLICES. Also, remember to capitalize every sentence. It really looks like a rush job, so spend more time on your stories.
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/andy999999999
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:34pm on Mar 15, 2026 via server WEBX1.