Thank you for sharing your piece. Nice and easy to read but emotional at the same time. You take the reader on a journey of what it feels like to say goodbye to someone who had shared your life for a time.
I feel you have achieved what you set out to in your reflections. A lovely piece, not over done, but fragile and brings about a peace when I was reading it. You drew the reader into the time and space you created and with it the serenity you were aiming to achieve.
Welcome! I am a newbie writer here as well. New to writing full stop.
Thank you for sharing your piece.
Me thinks you are not a newbie writer. This is beautiful piece. It weaves a tale of love lost, happy days and sad. Must admit I screwed up my nose about the taste of sour thrush lol, but that is what writing is all about, creating reactions, pushing the reader to feel. And you have done this very nicely right here.
Congratulations. I too am a newbie to writing but certainly don't write like this yet. Look forward to seeing more of your work.
Loved this!! What a great read. Nice and easy, flows well, love the rhyme throughout, no errors that I could see and a powerful message really for those who wish to see it.
Absolutely love this. What a strong, emotional piece. I have been on a similar journey in many ways as I believe most people are. The feeling of self loathing, not being good enough etc is a work in progress still for me, but one which I feel I am winning a little more with time instead of losing.
So nicely written, it just flows and embraces you with the strength in the story.
I love this whole Monologue, such a great idea. Nice short statements that will have readers connecting what speaks to them. The different topics make you think. Wed October 15th, yep, totally agree. Who knows what you can be pushed to when it comes down to it. I think we all have it in us somewhere, maybe we'll never find out and that's probably a good thing, but its there.
Really enjoyed reading through these. No errors that I could see, just simple entries that can pack a punch, make you think, reevaluate, and elicit emotion.
I feel like I am looking in a mirror reading this. I know EXACTLY how you feel about yourself as I feel that way too, about me. The self loathing, the belief that I am a waste of space upon this planet. The constant ridicule of myself that I do, day in day out.
So brave to write this. Well done. It is well written and I couldn't find any errors that stood out to me.
Can I ask how you feel now you've written this? Did it help at all? I say good for you. And I hope for you what I hope for myself. That one day I may actually like who I am, I don't think I'll ever love myself, but to like myself would be good enough.
I love, love, love this. What a great piece of writing and imagination however I don't think I could cope with that kind of life lol
Really well written, you keep the pace moving along which has the reader keeping pace with it.
The descriptive detail is very well written and you can almost feel the pain your characters are going through. A lot of agony and pain but very real as to what soldiers went through.
What a great piece you have written here. Thoroughly enjoyed it. It flowed really nicely, you paced it well and kept the reader engaged and I must admit I felt sorry for the creature lol.
There were just few spelling mistakes throughout that I could see if you wanted to fix those, otherwise a really great and interesting piece of writing, Well done.
In paragraph five: approached instead of approach
Stabbing into the skin not stapping paragraph 23 I think it was.
Well done. What a lovely piece of work. I love poetry that rhymes, for me it is like a song and it just ebbs and flows and takes you with it, which is what your piece here does beautifully. Easily conveys it has been written with emotion and feeling of lessons learnt and strength within. Really enjoyed the read. No errors that I could see. Keep writing.
Another lovely poem. A lot of feeling represented here and done nicely. Short and easy to read no errors that I could see. This would speak to a lot of people I would think when they read it.
What a wonderful little poem, thoroughly enjoyed it. Must admit I am still a huge fan of a rhyming poem and this one reads along so well. Really well written, congratulations!!!
Interesting piece. I enjoyed reading it. Makes the reader think, asks questions of the reader to contemplate.
Nice and easy to read. Putting thoughts out there without lecturing which is why I could keep reading so that's a positive.
. Hi there. Just read your little poem. Really enjoyed it. Nice and simple to read but clearly brings out the visualisation of what you are seeing and experiencing, felt like I was standing right there with you.
I enjoyed your piece. It is nice and simple to read but packs a punch in depth and feeling. You describe what i would think is many people out there in the world. In fact I think everyone wears a mask, and everyone has secrets beneath, and a person not everyone would understand. But when out in public, we shine and no one would have a clue.
In saying this I hope you are ok. Great piece. Keep writing. Writing is very healing.
Enjoyed your poem. Nice pacing, good phrasing and a relaxed easy flow to read. As I actually work with vision impaired people this drew.
The idea of the piece is thought provoking and full of emotion.
What a thoroughly enjoyable tale you have weaved. And a great message that many children certainly need today. Beautifully written. Couldn't pick up any spelling errors etc. The flow was perfectly paced and keeps the reader going with it.
Well done. Hope you have more enjoyable tales to share.
Wow!! Love this. Congratulations on writing such a lovely piece. I have to admit, to me poetry still is the rhyme in the verse that gets me every time and you have executed this perfectly. It weaves a lovely tale, it had me at the first two lines.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this and agree with you completely. This is so well written, honestly, well done. A couple of spelling mistakes but who cares when this message is so important and so real. We have destroyed and keep destroying mother earth who gives so much and asks nothing in return. I truly believe, even though I know it is an extreme answer, that human kind needs to be erased and started again. Or does it? Would a do over be any different? You would surely hope so. Mother nature does not need us. If she wiped us from her home she would rebuild, regrow. Overgrow our horrendous mistakes and take back what is truly hers. Nature does not need us. We need her. But we give nothing back. We are a disgrace and I can't see it getting any better. I would not blame our gracious mother if one day she sends us all into oblivion.
My goodness. I can't tell you how much I loved this. What a beautiful piece of writing and I can connect to it so deeply.
I love the message, I love the old Crone and the dog. I am Wiccan/Pagan in my heart of hearts. I may not practice it outright or on a daily basis, but it speaks to me always and since I started this writing journey, it is slowly returning to me more and more. And this piece of writing is another sign for me.
I love the simplicity of the tale but it holds so much within it. You have captured this beautifully.
Nice little piece of writing. Very simple but says so much at the same time. A lot of people would be able to connect and understand what you are saying here. I like your connection to a train, I can see how you can relate life to just that. I like the part of how you invited people in but they are worse than the loneliness, totally get that.
Well done, hope you continue to write pieces like this.
You raise some very good questions in this piece. It is simply written but it speaks to many human behaviours. I agree that in today's society a lot of people do kindnesses if it will suit their purpose and they get something from it themselves.
I like writing that makes people think and addresses human behaviour today.
Hope you write some more
Amare
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