%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
![Merit Badge in Rule of Phool
[Click For More Info]
Happy 14th WDC Anniversary - Hope you like the badge as you are the first person I've sent it to. Also hope that you have a simply splendiferous day.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Rule_of_Phool-2288571.gif) See that beautiful new Rule of Phool badge? I am proud to say that I'm the first recipient of this little beauty. Thank you Adherennium  for the Anniversary gift and for your good wishes. |
Monday morning Conversation A Woman’s Bravery Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol The below-described incident, you will agree, is another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What's the smallest caliber you would trust to protect yourself? Here's her story in her own words: "While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in 'The Villages' with my soon-to-be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive." "If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!" "Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was a real big bonus!" Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C? Do twins ever realize that at least one of them is unplanned? Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims" 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. |
Bikerider  - wonky place it is, too. As a young person I marvel at the peculiarities and wish it wasn't so much of a joke. I generally try to keep my location private online, but whatever. Feel free to check out the story, it's about spies  |
Amethyst Angel ♡  - I have been to The Villages to visit a friend a couple of times. I can see how some might find the place wonderful, but it's definitely not for me. |
Monday Morning Conversation A guy goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping, when he notices a very attractive woman waving at him. The woman then starts walking towards him and says hello. The man is a little taken back because he can’t place where he knows her from, so he decides to ask the attractive woman “Do you know me?” “Yes,” says the woman. “I think you’re the father to one of my kids.” Now the man’s mind wanders back to the only time he was ever unfaithful to his wife, so he starts to panic and asks, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party in Las Vegas that I made love to?” They both stand there in awkward silence for a few minutes, then she looks him in his eyes and calmly says, “No, um, no sir. I am your son’s English teacher.” A man was sitting on the edge of the bed watching his wife who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d like to be 8 again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day. He put her on every ride in the park, the death slide, the wall of fear, the screaming roller coaster, everything there was. Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a happy meal, fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie. Popcorn, a soda pot, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure. Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big loving smile and asked, “Well dear, what was it like to be 8 again?” Her eyes slowly opened, and her expression suddenly changed. “I meant my dress size, you idiot.” Speaking of M&M's. Years ago, I got a job at the M&M factory in Quality Control. I lasted only one hour before I was fired for throwing away all the W's. |
Monday Morning Conversation With an election coming up, a politician left his office to actually speak with his constituents. Arriving at a small, isolated town the politician was met a farmer who was also the town’s Mayor. Politician: “I’m here to find out if there’s anything you need,” he said to the farmer. “Well, actually we need two things.” “Great. What’s the first thing you need,” askes the politician. “Well, we need a doctor. This far out in the middle of nowhere, we haven’t been able to attract a doctor.” The politician whips out his cell phone, makes a call and speaks for about 4 minutes, then turns to the farmer. “Okay,” he says. “That’s taken care of. You’ll have a doctor soon. What’s the second thing the town needs?” “Well,” says the farmer, “we don’t have cell phone service out here and we sure could use it.” Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep! No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You're really doing great, aren't you?” Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’'' The doctor said, “I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur; be careful.” Remember. In the end, we won’t remember the most beautiful face and body. We’ll remember the most beautiful heart and soul. |
Monday Morning Conversation George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available" George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two fire trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" Don't mess with old people! An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Have a good, creative week. |
Monday Morning Conversation Due to my time alone, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that's a lot of 'what did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?' I asked my 26 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either. I tried donating blood today...NEVER AGAIN! Too many stupid questions: Who's blood is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket? There's nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and you think, "They are going to find me naked." Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Struggling to get your wife's attention? Just sit down and look comfortable. Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time. Shout-out to everyone who can still remember their childhood phone number but can't remember the password they created yesterday. You are my people. One minute you're young and fun. And next, you're turning down the stereo in your car to see better. Think you're old and you will be old. Think you are young, and you will be delusional. When I offer to wash your back in the shower, all you have to say is 'yes' or 'no'. Not all this "Who are you and how did you get in here?" nonsense. Me: “I’m still tired from all the CrossFit this morning.” Co-Worker: “It’s pronounced ‘croissant’ and you ate 4 of them." I was watching a show for about 10 minutes, and this lady was listing all of these great things to do for fun. Then I realized that it’s one of those religious channels, and she was reading a list of sins. MEN: Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in a square box, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women. |
Legendary❤️Mask  - Stepping bare foot on jacks is a great reason to get out of bed on the right side.  |
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Conversation A man is driving his car at 40 miles per hour when he notices a chicken running next to his car. He's amazed at the chicken's speed. The man increases his speed to 60 MPH and the chicken keeps pace with the car. The man looks over and notices that the chicken has three legs. About that time, the chicken runs past the car and goes across the street and down a dirt lane. The man decides to follow and finds a farmer standing there. Driver: "Did you see a chicken run past here?" Farmer: "Yes I did." Driver: "Did you notice that the chicken had 3 legs?" Farmer: "Yup. He's mine. I raise three-legged chickens." Driver: You do? Why?" Farmer: Well, I like the leg, mama likes the leg, and my young son likes the leg. We got tired of fighting over the legs and so I began raising three-legged chickens." Driver: Really? How do they taste?" Farmer: "I don't know. I haven't been able to catch one!" |
Monday Morning Conversation Points to ponder At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours? Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator? Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made? Which letter is silent in the word Scent,’ the S or the C? The word ‘swims upside-down is still ‘swims.’ 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today, everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN? If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come banks have branches? How do you get off a non-stop flight? Did you know that if you replace the W with T in What, Where, and When, you get the answer to each of them? |
Monday Morning Conversation Feeling old today, so here's what I got. Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really? Like a newborn baby?" "Yep! No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants." A senior citizen said to his eighty-year-old buddy: "So, I hear you're getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope!" "This woman, is she good looking?" "Not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw, she can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope! Poor as a church mouse." 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' "Because she can still drive!" One more. . .! A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "Arthritis and Hemorrhoids!" Have a great week, everyone!. |
I'm not sure whether to  or  ... This hits a bit too close to home. Two old ladies are talking of the porch. One says, "I saw your husband at the rec center. He was flirting with all the ladies! Doesn't that bother you?" "Nope." "Why not?" she counters. "My dog chases cars... but he can't drive."  |
Monday Morning Conversation An elderly couple is celebrating their 50th anniversary at the restaurant where they had their first date. After leaving the restaurant, the woman asks. “Do you remember our first time?” “How could I forget?” The husband points down the street to an alley. “We went down that alley and you leaned against the fence while I made love to you.” “That was so much fun,” the wife replies. The husband smiles. “Why don’t we do that again?’ “You mean for old time’s sake,” the wife asks. “Yes, why not.” A short distance away an off-duty cop hears what they’ve said and decides to follow them to make sure nothing bad happens to them. The couple enters the alley and they both get naked from the waist down. They hug and lean against the fence. The officer is surprised when he hears them shouting and hollering, as they slap against each other. And then they suddenly stop and fall to the ground. A few minutes later, the couple exits the alley and the police officer stops them. “I’m impressed,” he says. “Even after all these years you two still have it.” He smiles. “Please, tell me your secret.” The man frowns. “Fifty-years ago, that fence wasn’t electrified.” |
Monday Morning Conversation  Click on the link and listen to the voice of angels.  And if you received an official Red Ryder Carbine Action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock. Be careful, those things are dangerous. Don't shoot your eye out! May you all have a safe and Merry Christmas, and may the world be at peace on Christmas day. God bless and Merry Christmas!  |
un: 
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Community Feed
Puzzle Hub
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Lucky you!
Happy WDC Anniversary!