The Everyday Struggle

when ADHD takes its toll, grad school pays the price

Every morning with the
screech of the alarm
my mind vomits
and my neck twinges with the pain
from a daily hanging head.

Will there ever be a day
when I live calm and collected,
don't have to agonize
about whether or not
I've spoken before I've thought,
or if I have misplaced
my work, my keys, or my brain?

Always behind.
Full of frenzy.
Always SLAMMING
full force into walls.

The frail, sick
beast in the pack-
Running, frothing,
eyes wide and white.
Gasping and weary from
chasing my peers,
just waiting for
the shredding pain
of the lion's teeth
at my throat.

I know others glare
with minds silently scorning,
         "slacker"
         "smooth talker"
         "rule bender".
Apparently I have
what it takes to
clone the manner of every other
stressed-but-capable student,
to get away with academic murder.

But damn I HATE floundering
in increasingly deeper
vats of excuses.
I'm drowning
in the sticky sweet syrup
of smiles and lies.

I know how save my ass,
but what about saving
my pride?