Unhealed scars of physical abuse

Molestation in early childhood leaves very deep and invisible scars

Childhood is a phase of exploration, courage, and the establishment of one’s perspective. If I say childhood is the only phase in which we develop our perspective, that would not be true. As we grow, experiences reshape our thoughts and personality. However, childhood experiences lay the foundation for our thinking patterns, influence the actions we take, and the choices we make at the core. Every good and bad experience is deeply seated somewhere in our subconscious mind, which remains dormant or ignored but shows its presence when exposed to a similar situation. And when a child encounters molestation or early sexual abuse, it leaves very deep and invisible scars in one's life. It may either vitiate their passion for life or silently lead them to be another perpetrator.

We are born into a society layered with inequalities. From childhood, we are all on a journey to find our self-worth, knowingly or unknowingly, trying to see a life beyond the taboos associated with our caste, economic status, gender, colour, body type, weight, height, etc. Probably, for many of us, it takes 30 - 35 years to understand who we truly are, accept things, and move ahead.

However, for women, this time period of self-realization is prolonged because of additional veils of certain beliefs and inhibitions surrounding us, because we are born as females. Being a girl, we grow up in a completely different environment, even though society claims to be equal. But most of us have to carry more baggage of responsibilities, stereotypes, and a sense of vulnerability. Additionally, biological attributes create differences in various aspects of life.

When a girl child experiences rape or molestation, her journey becomes even tougher than normal. The harm is not only physical; mentally, they are often standing on the edge of collapse due to biology and society.

If I have to superficially categorize women’s lives, I would say they can lead a life in two ways. One is to simply accept whatever happens in her life, as dictated by her parents or males, and remain dependent on one or another. Second is to dream and strive to live a better and more independent life. Not to prove anyone wrong, but to live a life with dignity and be financially stable so that she can survive in any situation.

For the first set of girls, their vision is masked or framed by others or patriarchal society. A life of sacrifice, enduring incidents such as being slapped by their partner or being abused, would ultimately be defined as a symbol of love or good morality. But for the second set of girls, life is rebellious because they are stepping out of the boundaries, studying, prioritizing themselves, rejecting the expectation to sacrifice to be considered as a “good girl”, working, and not limiting themselves to society’s predefined rules and regulations.

You can see layers of hurdles piling up before her, just to see if life is worth living. Mentally, she has to fight many tough battles. Just to acknowledge certain actions required to achieve your independence, girls have to go through silent turmoil inside their minds to face society and set aside all the taboos just to act.

Overcoming self-doubt and worthlessness takes a lot of courage. Visualizing a better life beyond trivial thoughts or sadness requires a completely different reprogramming of the neural network, which again takes a long time. Then, to tell oneself that “I am perfect and I can achieve anything in my life, irrespective of my body and background,” and dare to take small steps every day, one needs to have a positive vision for oneself.

Outside these inner toils, society never fails to throw continuous challenges, particularly from patriarchy-supporting women who target other victims when they are subjected to sexual abuse. Their gossip portrays a girl as the origin of the mishap, her dress, attitude, time, or closeness to male friends; everything becomes questionable and is used to justify her misfortune. Her parents and she herself never go back to a normal life.

The situation worsens when a child, especially a girl child, encounters sexual abuse, as it takes away their mental ground. Now the child has lived a life with a compounded burden. Such a traumatic event not only shuffles everything but also deprives them of mundane life. Even though with time such events may become insignificant superficially for the person, they are, at an emotional level, seconds away from completely shattering. A serious impairment occurs with their emotional maturity.
It’s easy to say, but people with such exposure decay internally. Their situation becomes unguarded when surrounded by people who do not understand them or pity them. They struggle with their relationship with themselves and with their family. They fail to see their worth in society, often tussling to trust others, creating new connections, and being truly happy.

I feel intense agony engulf me when I see a pedophile resume their normal life or be released from jail after killing a child internally. I do not know how aware they are of their heinous act towards children. It’s distressing to see how brutally people snatch an innocent childhood and push them into darkness eternally.