Roommate Drabble

"Sam," they said, keeping their voice light. "How did I hurt you?"

"Why won't you..." they said, figuratively side stepping his feelings. "why won't you look me in the eye?"

Silence answered them both. The lankier college graduate typically came in smiles, on occasion came in the apartment angry, but never silent. Confrontation was his comfort, and Sam was good at admitting when he was at fault. Just like Jai could always count on the man to wear his signature gray hoodie, they also could rely on him to being the vocal one out of the two of them. He'd made plenty of jokes about talking their ear off, matching their energy, or anything of the like.

But this... "Did I do something wrong?"

Their eyes trailed to his Adam's apple, which bobbed the question down before his thoughts did. His face was still not facing them, his body turned askew, but it didn't take a full frontal view to know that he was suppressing his feelings.

If Jai was honest, it hurt. Remembering the trust that they'd shared, built, and held so closely to each other's chests; feeling the shape of it in their fingertips.

"Nobody trusts the guy best friend," Sam had joked before, but they had. They did. And as he echoed those words to Jai, they felt their chest tighten.

"I do," they said softly, and the shorter 20-something didn't miss how his head perked at the statement of present.

"You d-do?" He echoed, albeit in tonal disbelief. Jai nodded, catching his eye for the first time in what felt like forever. The taller man couldn't have looked smaller. Not when they'd come out to him, and his easygoing demeanor had eased their nerves. Nor when he'd broken the window, and had panicked until their massages to his back left him upright.

Even when he was drunk, they noted, a dissonant distance associated with the current hunch in his back and rigid pull of his appendages. They weren't as haphazard or free as they were used to, and the chord it struck in Jai's heart played all wrong. Despite the push, the cold that threatened to meet them in the middle, the older roommate walked forward - closing the gap he created. Figuratively and physically.

"Sam," they said, keeping their voice light. "How did I hurt you?"

Jai knew what keeped him grounded. Without room for reply, they wrapped their arms around his figure, letting the shock settle in as his frame straightened at the contact. They didn't know why it worked - a part of them figured he was ace, or at least not into folks like them. But Sam had been surprisingly open to their hugs - their touch, the contact the duo caught in the in-betweens.

"I..." his voice came weakly, as his arms gingerly met Jai's frame. "I miss you, Jai-Chai."

Jai-chai. They thought, chuckling into his sweater. Affectionate even in his hurt, it was clear that he needed this. The 23-year-old blinked as tears unanticipated nested in the frays of Sam's sweater. They needed this, too.

"I'm sorry," came out, blurted. Like an ocean, the words followed in waves. "That I wasn't...I didn't mean to..."

A blubbering, flubbery, flustered mess. Eventually the words ran out and they held him tighter, muttering apologies and strings of symphonies into the cotton that embraced them back.

"Jai..." Matched the lightness of their earlier cadence, and if the person called into question squinted, they could feel the wave of refresh that now colored his voice.

"I just wanted to be mad," he admitted, hugging them tighter. "Honest," came next, and the breath felt like whispers and assurance in both syllables.

"I..." Jai started, letting the taller man secure them both. "I still hurt you, Sammy."

Sam's grip loosened, feeling the intent behind their adamance. "I don't want to do that again," Jai continued softly, breaking away as they finally, truly met his eyes with their bloodshot ones. "Don't want you to feel like you can't trust me, that you have to protect me from your very real, very valid feelings."

Sam chuckled, but his eyes still twinkled a sadness. "I know, Chai," He managed, letting the moment seep in for the both of them.

"I know."