Cappy's Corner: BPD

A little blurb about Borderline Personality Disorder

Cappy's Corner

This is a little personal for me but I really feel the need to share my condition. I have Borderline Personality or BPD. It is a difficult mental health condition to deal with. Not only is it hard for me but it is also hard on my family, my loved ones, and it will never be cured. BPD can be managed but I have to live with this for the rest of my life. It is a definite battle every single day. I have urges several times a day if not more to self harm. I am a known cutter and have done this over the span of my life. I am fifty-two now but I have been dealing with this since I was about fifteen. I was formally diagnosed with BPD when I was eighteen after a suicide attempt. I spent a mandatory fourteen days at McLean's Hospital in Belmont which is in Massachusetts. I had gone off to college but I was too immature for going off to college and be on my own. I was skipping classes, not really sleeping, and taking risks that were not good for my well being. After being diagnosed I went into denial, my family was in denial too, I got the impression that there was nothing wrong with me. I spent thirty-two years aware there was a pink elephant in the room but did not do anything about it.
At my age now I am finally taking control of my well being. I have a great therapist named Peyton, an awesome medication prescriber, and a team from the state who help me navigate through the problems that I encounter. It is late in life but at least I am not suffering any longer. I am doing Mindful exercises, Emotion Regulation, and other topics. I should have learned these things growing up but I missed out early on. The BPD in my opinion has caused me not to develop properly. My mind races to the point I cannot sleep. I get into a extremely dark depression, and the anxiety is more than overwhelming. Anxiety has no rhyme or reason to it but it is there. I had to be hospitalized for the anxiety earlier this year because I had been afraid to sleep, lack of food intake, and just lack of wanting to do certain things. I got my medications adjusted and they placed me on a new medication to help bring the anxiety down.