Episode 1: The gun

A funny script i wrote about my OC, blake (B) and his neighbour, jude (J)

(Blake is sleeping and suddenly wakes up and grabs Jude)
B:"give me back my juicer"
J:"sir, i didn't take your juicer"
B:"shut your mouth and start talking before i introduce you to my gun and give you your first anal bullet"
J:"what is this gun you speak of?"
B:"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A GUN IS? the gun is man's greatest creation..."
J:"i thought pizza was man's greatest creation?"
B:"as i was saying, love the gun, hold the gun, marry the gun...
J:"wouldn't that count as cheating if you already have a girlfriend or wif...?"
B:"SHUT UP! kill anyone who even looks at your gun, the gun is your best friend..."
J:"i thought dog was man's best friend?"
*silence* (some time later)
B:"he was an annoying friend" wipes a tear
Passerby:"you do realize you just buried him alive"
B:"no one asked you so leave me alone to mourn *hears an explosion* oh icecream" runs away.