Journal 1, page 1

I don’t know how to feel about myself anymore
Can I be any different?
I know I am different from when I was younger
But am I everything I thought I would be?
The answer would be no, not at all
And I don’t know how to be
And I don’t know if I want to or even can
I know I feel shitty about myself
And maybe because of that it may affect others around me, or I could just be all in my head thinking that I’m hurting everyone else around me when I might not be
And because of that, that could be hurting people because I don’t know how to help myself..
Or maybe I just don’t want to
I don’t know how to be happy
And I hate it.
Not know how to be happy, I don’t hate that
I hate that I purposely make myself not happy and have no motivation to even try doing so.