Drowning in confusion

when you dont know which way is up

Im underwater
i know im drowing
so i fight harder
my visions clouding

I go to my happy place
To take the defeat easier
i know i should continue to chase
But my will just goes away

Then I see you
and i know you've come for me
you pulled my head out of the water
And now i finally see

I silently hoped you would come
I didnt let the thought fully form
thinking it might not happen
and now im torn

Is this just pain waiting to happen
Is this a disguise
Happieness is something i havent mapped yet
I guess i have to try