Jim Beam

Happy Thanksgiving? (The Dialogue 500 Contest)

“Oh shit, look out the front window, Son.”

“Oh, good gods. Why do you invite him for Thanksgiving, Dad? You know how he gets…”

“I don’t invite him. But at least he took a cab so he won’t kill anyone on the way home. Still, I’ll hide the extra whiskey.”

“Okay, I’ll get the door. Mom would probably slam it in his face.”

“Then he’d stand on the porch screaming. No one needs that… especially the neighbors. Go answer before he rings the bell.”

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“Hi Uncle Jim, good to see you. We weren’t sure you were coming.”

“I always show up where I ain’t wanted. The whole damn crew here?”

“Crew?”

“Your idiot sister and her fiance? My Father? You know, the family.”

“That would be her husband, now, Uncle Jim. And no, they’re having their own dinner this year. Granddad stayed in the nursing home… The dementia is bad.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me all this?!”

“We did…”

“Oh, the hell, you say. Where is my no good brother... Bill! Where the hell you hidin’!?”

“I’m in here, Jim. No need to yell.”

“Who’s yellin’? Ah, that’s just what I need. Pour me a double, eh Brother?”

“Uh, Sally just got the food set up. Maybe you should wait until after we eat?”

“Like hell! I’ll jus’ pour my own!”

“Fine, make yourself at home, you always do…”

"What'd that mean?"

“Nothing… nothing. Let’s just all sit down and eat.”

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“Whoooeee! Sally, you sure put on one fine spread! Let me grab ‘nother drink real quick…”

“Thank you, Jim.”

“I’m surprised he could taste it, Mom…”

“Whatchu say, boy?”

“Not a thing, Uncle Jim. Not... a... thing.”

“Uh huh, it’s young ‘uns like you sendin’ this ol’ country ta hell in a hand cart!”

“Basket.”

“See? No damn respec’. Bill, you shoulda whupped that son o’ yours when you had a chance!”

“Whatever, Uncle Jim. In my opinion, it’s old farts like you who can’t die off fast enough to save the country. But have another drink, ol’ timer… speed up the process.”

“Son! You will stop that right now! And Jim, save it. Just because you’re my brother does not give you the right to spout whatever you want in my home.”

“Oh, I see. I can’t speak my mind on political views, ‘cause you disagree wit’ ‘em!”

“Political views? You don’t have any political views, you asshole! You just spew crap you hear on cable news! Just give it a rest, Uncle Jim, you’re just an old drunken fool.”

“Well, I guess I just can’t be your hero, boy!”

“No, you cannot. I already have a hero, your ‘no good brother’ I believe you called him, my Father. Now get out of this house before I throw you out.”

(WC-462)