What's self-hate?

Ramble on what it feels like

I felt like slamming the breaks
Or going 60 on the 20
With my mind by the way side
Or by sue and shooting
Or through Flowering anger blooming
Stewing in the pot of bitterness
Or oscillating to insanity and off
A cliff and doped like a stiff
 
I shifted and sunk down the dark
On the train towards a delusion
I hit and run out of the stars
on the way to a painful contusion
 
I'm losing it like a stupid disaster peace
piecing together and mending a rift with
the veil of happiness.
Embarrassment and Shame feigning me painless
 
Because my sense of self and spirituality
was left, dusting in those old drawers,
left rusting in that cold rain and snow.
Blown off like a lyric un-rimed
like that mariner who
shot that albatross