The Nine Planets

Satirical haikus for each planet.

Mercury:

Courrier of gods,
Glides swiftly across the sky,
Goes through people’s mail.


Venus:

Brings about true love,
And boasts heavenly beauty,
Can and will kill you.


Earth:

Your very own home,
Complete with air, food, water,
Has highest death rate


Mars:

The bringer of war,
Rains chaos upon the world,
Although kind of small.


Jupiter:

Mightiest of all,
Maintains order in the sky,
Master seducer.


Saturn:

Controller of time,
Everyone’s favorite day,
Pretty good farmer.


Uranus:

Ruler of the sky,
Father of many children,
Quite blue in color.


Neptune:

King of the great seas,
Creates earthquakes through fury,
Wields very big fork.


Pluto:

Sovereign of the dead,
Commands army of corpses,
Kicked off of the team.