if i didn't exist.

you know you don't want me here. poem that was written during a bad time that's now worse

if i didn't exist.

if i didn't exist,
you would be happier.
you would all be happier.
you wouldn't have to think about me
         if i ate
         if i did the work
         if i followed the rules
if i'm hurt
you wouldn't have to worry
to deal
to put up with anything
there'd be one less task
to cross off your list at the end of the day.

if i didn't exist,
things would be better
everyone would be better off.
i could cause no more problems
         no more fights
         no more worry
         no more strife
no more pretending i'm not there
hoping i will leave

if i'm not here tomorrow,
if i no longer exist,
you all will be happy
and not even know
that the boy you resented
is six-feet below.

                             －you all would be better off, but you're too afraid to say it.