What is my fate?

you never know what you'll get when you ask for something

Growing up I never got what I asked for I would get things I never imagined of
When I asked for affection I would get fear run down my body because I was getting hit or yelled at
When I asked for time I would get a movie in my hand, I loved watching movies but that never fulfilled the emptiness within me
I would ask if I could go somewhere with school friends and I would get a lecture about how I shouldn't be outside without my family
Today I ask for freedom to be who I am and I am told that I am insane and need to follow specific details to have the perfect life
What is perfect?
A loveless marriage and on top of that being abused physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, is that what perfect is?
I want to know what is written in my fate
A perfect life like I have seen growing up or the imperfect life I want where I prosper in my career and where I am loved and cherished as a human being