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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Contest Entry · #2128007

You only suffer from anxiety when you care about someone or something.

Natural Disaster



         Late at night while others sleep, I lay restless, unable to shut out and off the light of the world. My mind, like a whirlwind, swirls with thoughts and unanswered questions about the days before.
          I had kept my anxiety at bay for so long, choosing to never care for or love another, not even myself. I just existed to do what needed to be done.
          Those things changed, slowly, over a three year period. Almost so that I didn't even realize it was happening until it was much too late. Try as I could, my feelings, I couldn't shake. I even tried pretending I was still that same uncaring, unlovable person, but to no avail.
          I'd fallen and from this trip, there is no getting up any time soon. I've been too happy, yet at the same time, miserable all over again. I care too much about feelings and emotions. I fear the inevitable, knowing I'm destroying myself. I conjure up hurricanes in the middle of mountains, tornadoes in the center of valleys, problems where they don't exist. I twist conversations till the words take on a completely different meaning. I can take any positive and change it to a negative just by flipping, unintentionally, a switch at night.
          I wake, after just a few hours of exhausted sleep, depressed. A storm had, yet again, rolled in over night, flooding my peaceful meadow. The place I try to visit the most to clear my troubled mind, now swollen with huge puddles of dark, murky waters, some too deep to wade through, others I could just walk across. The trick, determining which is which and most tries my eyes, blurry from crying, deceive me and I end up in way over my head.
          Recently, I've discovered I've had a rope there all along, strong and sturdy, willing and ready, to pull me out of the dark waters I'm submerging myself, repeatedly, in. I just wonder and worry how strong he really is and how long it will take before he starts to fray...


Word count w/ title: 345
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