This Vile Sensation

a close friendship ended, what I was feeling, drunk and smoking at 1:34 in the morning

The burning in my eyes
and the spinning in my head
the taste of cigarettes and wine
mixing in my mouth
none of this is helping my mind


I lay awake at night
and all I can do is think of you
of anything I could have done
to make it right
is there anything I could've done?


All of our memories
cut like shards of broken glass
that I used to use
when I swallow them to keep them close
all of my love for you
has turned on me


Was it me?
Has it always been me?
nothing else could explain
the connection between these things
and I'm left pondering all of the times
before now

I'm left with all of these memories
that mean so little to you