As If

When correct grammar is not appropriate to the situation.

A rising scream echoed down the hallway. I bolted from my desk and raced toward the wailing. My husband reached the doorway to the nursery at the same time I did. In the center of the room stood our daughter, eyes round as plates, a chubby finger pointing shakily at the darkened window.

“Oh sweetie!” I cried as I scooped the frightened girl up in my arms. “What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

Over my daughter's gulping sobs, I heard my husband clear his throat.

“I think you meant to say 'as if' instead of 'like',” he stated.

Still holding our crying toddler, I turned to look at him. “What did you say?” I asked a little too carefully.

“Using 'like' in that manner is using it as a conjunction, not a metaphor,” he lectured. “To be more precise, you should have said, 'You look as if you have seen a ghost.' That would have made it into a metaphor.”

I sat there in disbelief for a minute, trying to tell if the shaking I felt was my daughter's crying or the rage building up in my veins.

I finally took a deep breath. “So you're telling me that my grammar is the priority right now?”

He shrugged. “I'm not the one sounding like an idiot,” he smirked.

Five months later, I signed my name to the bottom of the divorce decree and added, “I think you meant to say, 'as if.'”

Word Count: 248