My Little Grave

Instead of trying to grow, I dug myself a grave.

I love and have been loved
but I don't think I was meant for it
At some point something got
shaken loose within me
And I have grown around it
all wrong and misshapen
With a heart that doesn't beat
quite the way it should

There is a terrible numbness
that lies inside of me
where I should be
all pink and gold and shining
Perhaps my body and soul
are just made up of rough terrain
with slopes and peaks and jagged edges
that cannot be easily navigated

When I was very young
my mother told me that
all living things grow up from the dirt
She said people are like flowers
Some blossom beautifully
in bright, vibrant colors
While other get eaten up
by butterflies and lady bugs

But I'm not either of those
I think I got buried beneath dirt
and hurt and pain until I couldn't
tell up from down and instead
of trying to grow I dug myself
a pretty grave and I've gotten
so comfortable in my chosen death
that I will never even try to grown again