reluctance

when the heart hesitates there's always a reason---

i move with care, the comfort of the couch
causing pain to my stiff back
is not reason enough to wake me from
this dreamless grey cloud
the sounds of flowing water
the noisy pump of the fish tank that
i have not gotten around
to fixing
my feet feel the chill of the
dark autumn evening
it will be cold soon
i still cannot bring myself to
move to get the red velvet wrap
at the far end of the couch

it makes me wish for you
what would it be like
to have you here with me?
wrapped in your arms
would it be warm?
will there be kisses?
would they be passionate?
soft?

the glow of my computer screen
the only light in the room---
it takes me long to type
this love note