in the NICU

sometimes there are no words

I watch her from the corner
of my eye, ready to step in
to shoulder what part of
her burden I can
but she feels my eyes
and turns away
and I’m left to soothe
her fidgety child
to conduct her visitors to
and from the little room
but not to share her grief

I hear the foolish words
all of us say to her
what mother faced with
her baby’s death wants
to hear about God’s will
or the calming effects of time
she just wants to hold him
but the wires and machines
that cradle him
keep her away
their only embrace long days before
while he lay within her womb

and I want my time to grieve too
not to take away from her mother’s
time, but he was my blood
he was just barely real enough that I
feel empty because he isn’t there

over and over again I hear them
repeat, and smile at their kindness
for they do it out of love
even though they can’t know how it hurts
to know how little time we had
love grows without any thought of loss
but times pass
hurts heal
memories fade