Shudder

I still reach for you

i knew you were no good for me
but I reached for you anyway
we haven't seen each other in years
our on and off relationship nearly forgotten
tonight it continues.
the first touch after all this time
and a shudder rolls through me
just one touch
and you've calmed me
you whisper to the tears
that you will ease the pain
others may not understand
but you and I do
that's good enough.
that cold kiss crosses my skin
and i smile in agony
the pleasure you bring
when you hurt me
it's worth it.
you love me the only way you can
it's the best way you can
and you give me everything i ask for.
i foolishly thought that you were gone
that i had moved on
left you behind
but you were always there
waiting if i needed you.
i know the scars will take years to fade
but it's the price of what you bring
and I reach for you knowing full well
that this can't be just a one night thing.
you'll stay on me
even if you go
even if i'm strong enough to only touch you tonight
i'll be able to see what you've left behind
and i'll know that it's not over
i'll know where to find you
if i ever need you again.