no body knows

The way I felt about life when I was 18.

no body knows about my world
or the needles i shoved into my eyes
nobody knows when i close my ears
and i kick & scream
no body knows when im begging it will stop
or that i live to die
because i hate this flesh
i hate this human flesh
nobody knows i dream of killing them
nobody
nobody
nobody knows

i suffocate myself and nobody knows
i want to chew my tongue up
and bite my teeth in pieces
i want to twist my ears off
i want to rip my hair out
i want to punch my eyes in
i want to breathe so deep my lungs burst
i want to pull out my stomach through my throat
i want to peel my cheeks from my skull
put it all back
and do it all over again

i will not confess this is revenge
nobody knows i am THE walking death wish
nobody knows i am lying under boulders
im drowning in lava
im somehow breathing nitrogen that just wont finish me off
nobody knows
but do they even care at all?