Honest Confessions

What if...

I don't know who I am.
I don't know who I want to be.
I don't have it all figured out like everyone expects me to.
I'm nothing like everyone thinks I am.

It's all confusing and frustrating beyond belief.
It's my life, shouldn't I know what I want? It's like life comes naturally to everyone else. They're sure of what they want, when they want. But I didn't grow up like that. I grew up second guessing myself everytime I thought of something. I live in a shell that's slowly breaking and I can't do anything to fix it. My life is a fragile bubble that is floating closer and closer to the hard, rough concrete below. I tell myself constantly that there's a bigger plan and one day it'll be revealed
...but what if.
What if it never is revealed?
What if I never get to experience life?
What if I die alone, bitter, silent, scared?

My parents and friends tell me everything will work out. I just need a plan and stick to it...
I'm not that way.
I have too many what if's and not enough when's.