What Should I do?

Different emotions and I don't know what to do

I don't know why
But I'm still alive
I feel dead
Like I died and came back.
I don't get it
Of course I want to die
I want it so bad
But I had to be alive.
I have nothing
No one to care for me
My thoughts are mainly on you
I doubt I'm on his mind.
He means the world to me
Everything I do is for him
He is my world
And mainly my life.
I don't fear losing him
Or never speaking to each other again
I know it will never happen
Because it's meant to be.
As suicidal thoughts cross my mind
So do you and everything you do
How you make me feel
Even just in thought.
I want to die
Be with everyone I love
Watch you from up there
Make sure you're alright.
Not sure how many times
I attempted suicide
None worked of course
I wish they had.
Being depressed and alone
That's not the best life ever
I don't know how I manage
Or even why.
Everything sucks
No one cares about me
I wish that I were dead
No one would notice.