The Merger

...between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea.

Lucinda had been busy lately.

Her father, the Prince of Darkness, had taken sick leave several days ago. Lucinda, the Admin Department Head in Hell, was Acting President in his absence.

The inbox was piled high with invoices, Circle-of-Hell transfer requests, and the never-ending leadership applications. Those crazy humans believe the phrase “it’s better to rule in Hell, than serve in Heaven.” They didn’t realize that Hell was a family business.

Lucinda was searching through the inbox for the incoming Souls roster on this afternoon’s flight when her assistant barged in.

“Lucille,” Lucinda yelled, “how many times do I have to tell you to knock before entering?” Lucinda wished she could fire Lucille. At times like this it would be so much better to have a Soul she could terrify instead of dealing with her undisciplined younger sister. Unfortunately at 237 years old, Lucille was still in her terrible two’s.

“Whatever,” Lucille said, “Your 12 o’clock is here.”

“Finally,” Lucinda exclaimed. “Send Mr. Sea in right away.”

“Hello, Lucinda,” Mr. Sea asked as he flowed into the room. “It’s always lovely to see you. It’s been a long time.”

He pick up a framed picture on the corner of the cherry wood desk. It was a photo of Lucinda and her father. The devil himself was dressed in his best black suit. Lucinda was wearing an elegant evening gown. Father and daughter shared the same shape of their horns down to the slight corkscrew turn at the top of each point, the same black eyes, and the same midnight black hair. The picture, though, didn’t do justice to Lucinda’s beautiful complexion. Her natural deep-red skin had been washed out by the flash of the camera, so she looked puke pink.

“This was taken at your 5000th birthday party, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Have a seat, Mr. Sea,” Lucinda said, pointing to an empty chair. She wasn’t in the mood for chitchat.

“Lucinda, please call me Blu,” He requested.

Since humans built the first ship, the Devil and The Deep Blue Sea had always been in fierce competition with each other for Souls. They had never been on a first name basis before.

“Blu,” Lucinda got straight to the point. “I have a proposal for you.”

“What kind of proposal?” Blu asked suspiciously. “Usually your deals come with a pretty big catch.”

“No catch,” Lucinda said. “This is a business arrangement. I was wondering if you were interested in a merger.”

“I’m not quite certain I understand, Lucinda,” Blu said. “How do you suggest we combine forces?”

Lucinda settled deeper into her father’s leather chair. Since her dad was sick, at last, she could run things her way.

“I’d like to try an experiment,” Lucinda said. “Two of the most destructive elements known to humans are water and fire, right?” She leaned forward and asked. “Just imagine what we could do together.”

Blu crossed his arms, furled his brow and remained silent.

Lucinda explained, “Your deep ocean is like a cauldron. If I bring my fire closer, we can set that cauldron to bubbling.”

Blu remained silent, so Lucinda went on, “Do you have any idea what kind of havoc a boiling ocean would do to humans?”

Her words came faster. “Major industries would collapse, like food and recreation. Plus as the water heats up, so does the Earth's temperature. Global Warming would look like an Ice Age.”

Blu shrugged and stated, “You’ve gone centuries tormenting humans without my help.”

“I want more, Blu,” Lucinda argued. “I want them to feel the burn before they leave Earth for my realm.”

Blu was slowly nodding his head and said, “I might be interested…”

Lucille chose that moment to barge in again. I have to move her to a different department, Lucinda thought.

“Lucille, I’m in the middle of a meeting.” Lucinda was livid. The little twerp was never going to learn respect.

“You have a delivery, Lucinda,” Lucille bit back. “HDS has a package for you, and he says you have to sign for it now."

“You've got to be kidding,” Lucinda shrieked. “I am the Devil’s second in command, and some minion at Handbasket Delivery Service dares to demand my immediate attention?”

“I didn’t send it,” Lucille snapped. “Just sign for it and shut up.” Before Lucinda could even respond, Lucille opened the door for the deliveryman and ushered him in.

“Bring it over here,” Lucinda said. She’d deal with Lucille later. Her goal now was to get the deliveryman out and the contract signed.

He placed the basket in the center of her desk. She signed for it, and he was out the door before the ink even dried on the paper.

Curious, Lucinda opened the lid and took out two plastic bottles of motor oil stored inside. She was confused. Motor oil? Why in the Heaven would someone send motor oil?

Lucinda glanced up when Blu let out a gasp. He stood up, shoved the chair back and stumbled towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Lucinda asked. Her confusion was mounting.

Blu had turned the color of a robin’s egg, and his eyes were wide with shock. He raised a shaky finger and pointed to the motor oil still in Lucinda’s hand.

“It’s just motor oil.” Lucinda remarked. He was acting like a new Soul in hell.

“But… but...,” he stuttered. “Oil and water don’t mix.” He shook his head wildly, spraying water droplets all over the floor. Then darted out as Lucinda watched, stunned at the turn of events.

Shaking her head, she put the motor oil back into the basket and read the delivery label.

It was addressed “To Hell, From God.”

“So God ‘bails out’ the human race again,” Lucinda snarled under her breath as she shoved the basket along with the unsigned merger contract in the trash.

She had a headache starting at the base of her horns. It was going to be another long day in hell.


Tina B

Word Count=993
Prompt: Write a story or poem about an unusual proposal.

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