depresion thoughts

its depresing i wrote it when i caught me friend flirting wit my gf

I'm so depressed believe it or not im at my best
the pain inside makes me feel that love is real
and it's painful I know this but i'm tring to see if
the pain is worth it ,is it? I don't know i wish I did
though but sometimes the pain can only grow and
grow it never seems to slow,suicide is on my brain
but my heart i hope will sustain