I realize I'm poison

Reflection on the isolation of depression and its effects on relationships.

I realize I’m poison and pain and plague and woe
I’m spreading pestilence everywhere I go
But if you keep your distance, you’ll find you’re safe above
And the only one’s I’m hurting are the ones I dearly love

I realize I’m cutting and wounding silently
But I haven’t the energy of responding violently
I can’t cut the ties, but I can’t keep them well
And I can’t go on smilingly up through the fires of hell

If I just disappeared and made an end of it
Perhaps I’d stop the pain if just a tiny bit
But I can’t take the air in and I can’t breathe it out
If I can’t even whisper, it’s impossible to shout

I wish I could explain it, but I don’t wish to cause pain
And I know that it would hurt you, so I’d rather stay insane
That I cannot be honest when I say that I love you
Is the deepest pain I have, and it rips me right in two

I thought that I’d get better, but I cannot seem to heal
Well, I should have known it all along, I never felt quite real
And so I grow resigned as anyone can be
When the pain is ever mounting and it’s far too dark to see